I love my family and deardeer

掌心的痔

2010-12-09T11:12:00.001+08:00

"你掌心的痔，我总记得在哪里"
Thank you Lord, for sending Angel-lah to me once again with an enlightening message and spiritual healing.
:~~) Amen

天国的微笑

2009-12-13T15:56:00.003+08:00

车欢送了隧道天抛弃了白鹭
听不到的悲哀你会否感觉到
天空突然静悄像遗下我流浪到某一个岛
荒草抱抱落叶花瓣暗暗羡慕
经不了的分开你会否都懊恼
开心极为深奥就凴直觉怀念你走进了地牢

可笑地球繁华遗下这个叛徒
并不痛苦我消失漆黑之中难道会孤独

直觉此刻你於天国也是含着笑
直觉此刻我给一个宇宙忘掉了
闹市借宿多一宵
我心不再跳恐怕有别人围绕

直觉此刻戏中一个笑匠流泪了
自你那天走了人类变得很无聊
从此起我自我亦都不见了
盛世在摇晚风在摇多烦扰

都失去了量度他宣泄了味道
冰室里的忧郁你会否抒发到
开心极为恐怖未能做到怀着笑走半里路途
只有睡眠祈求能梦到你睡袍
甚么结果你忧心天空之中寻觅我出路

直觉此刻你於天国也是含着笑
直觉此刻我给一个宇宙忘掉了
闹市借宿多一宵
我心不再跳恐怕有别人围绕
直觉此刻戏中一个笑匠流泪了
自你那天走了人类变得很无聊
从此起我自我亦都不见了
盛世在摇晚风在摇多烦扰

已放弃世界以安息的心停顿了
过去过去风景永远炫燿
大概放弃世界我滞留何地并无重要
若世间关注我越少撩动我的痛爱也越少

直觉此刻你於天国也是含着笑
直觉此刻我的都市已是沦陷了
廿四店始终通宵
每一天过了讨厌与未来缠绕

直觉此刻错失的爱会没完没了
自你那天走了人类变得很无聊
从此起我面对自己不再笑
泪腺动摇渗於浪潮的微笑

泯记于心...

Happy Birthday XDD!

2006-10-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's baby's 26th birthday! We've gathered all your favorite things on this special day...

Eat-All-You-Can buffet! One of xdd's favorite activities. Eat! She luved buffets. Courtesy Angel-Meh.

Thank you Swap the Jiefu!!! Swap spent days, took leave and made this for xdd. It's got beautiful crystal beaded angels. Took Swap about 1 day to make just 1 angel! Alas! It's too big, can't fit into xdd's home. It's now sitting in Swap n Eloise's home as xdd's altar. Baby, u dun know how lucky I feel to have friends like them...It was you who maintained the frenship, kept everyone together. I will treasure you gals. "Love all of you! GP frens!"

Because of you, I found true friends and the angel family. Thank you Angela baby. Your kindred spirit never dies, affecting everyone of us deeply as we move on.

2 months

2006-07-27T10:59:00.000+08:00

爱是你眼里的一首情歌

总是不经意的想起　你喜欢哼的那首歌曲　
一样温柔低吟　依旧牵动我的心　
我曾寻寻觅觅　想在文字里寻找爱情　
才发现最美的诗句　原来都在你眸里　

爱是你眼里的一首情歌　轻扬着飘逸旋律　
让我不知不觉的陶醉在　你缠绕的深情　
爱是你眼里的一首情歌　轻拨弄我的心弦　
让我不由自主更　深爱着你

This was one of XDD's favorite songs, by 刘雨晨(I think! Not the guo1 mei3 mei3 version). Very poetic lyrics. She's been gone for 2 months now. Everything about her is still very vivid. Down to details like :
- how she used to call me "Dear Deer"
- her hopping ard at home with her lil pony tail bouncing
- her skinny back view while she puts on make up (always takes ages. can take a nap while waiting ah!)
- her bony arms reaching out to me, telling me "ESP!!"
- her itchy hands. Must traverse every single shop in the shopping mall and touch touch everything.
- her FAQ :
> "Dear Deer, am I pretty today? "
> "Dear Deer, that ger pretty hoh? " (Must say "Nono! U r prettier." Immediately!)
> "Dear Deer, how do you know u love me? "
> "Dear Deer, if I leave u, how long'd u remember me for? "
> "Dear Deer, I m hungry!! Where to eat? Feel like drinking hot soup."
> "Dear Deer, m I fat? "

Can't forget the cold n lonely atmosphere in the hospice that day. Even though we were surrounded by dozens of friends. I m numbering my days for her. Some might say it's not the right way to live, but I just feel like doing that for now can?

Me going to visit her during lunch today. Will play her favorite hymns. Gonna include the song above and her other fav mp3s.

XDD's furnished home

2006-07-18T16:09:00.000+08:00

Dropped by on Sunday. Was delighted to see carvings on the stone done at last! So we happily put up the long awaited deco. Angel-Ma recorded some hymns for xdd. The 2 teeny thingies dangling beside her photo r dragonfly earrings. Cute eh?!

Really hope tt xdd has forgotten us already. Cos Angels dun suffer like mortals do. Since she's with God, she shd be having great fun. The kinda life she deserves. Perhaps 10 years on earth is equivalent to 10 days in heaven. Hmmm...If heaven's really that fun and happy times pass real quick, 10 years would really feel like 10 days there. Great! Baby!! C u in about 30-heaven-days!

Miniatures for Princess

2006-06-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

Can't wait to furnish baby's new home! Got lotsa cutie stuffs for her. Her extension's not ready yet though. Anyway, this means more time to prepare the deco. Let's see wat we've got...

That's Fuwa Fuwa! Got it from Kinokuniya. That mini lunch is from Action City. The choco tarts on the RHS of the pic are from United Sq. Dressing Kit's from Sotong. Thanks Sotong!

Got a few more boxes of miniatures from actioncity just now. *excited! They've got several collections and you wun know what u r gonna get.

Next off...Some dessert and sushis! Gosh...Think I'm addicted to collecting miniatures already. It's amazing how precise the Japs r with such stuffs. Actually I've got lots more back there....E.g. strawberry sundae, breakfast set, pet dog and kennel, tuips, etc. Too lazy to get all the pics up here. Next time bah...

Yes, you guys r right...I should not try to forget her and should focus on appreciating what she's left behind for me, instead of grieving on what I've lost. Faith in God, Fond Memories, Angel-Family, a bunch of great pals, etc. Most important of all, Love! "What is Love?" is outta my FAQ list forever.

1 month

2006-06-27T01:42:00.000+08:00

Yes...It's been a month....A long and dreadful month....1 month's supposed to be a short time. But lotsa things happened, did lotsa things. Still can't believe that she's just gone. How long do I have to wait before I can join her. Probably a few more decades? ASAP I hope. Meanwhile, gotta try to get over this and move on. But how to forget something when u r constantly reminded of it? Wherever I go, watever I do, she's there. Really think I shd just get the hell outta SG forever. Change my name, profession, etc. That'd perhaps be the only way to erase and restart.

Anyway, thank God for having Angel-Bah, Angel-Mah, Angel-Meh, GP frens around, always trying to make sure I m alright. More time!!! I'd definitely be more positive by the next posting...

Moving on

2006-06-04T18:50:00.000+08:00

We all have to move on. No choice. But the xiaodoudou spirit remains!! I see it in her sister.

http://nothingeverreallychanges.blogspot.com/

xiaodoudou...We love u always!!

A New Beginning

2006-06-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

Ros here. Thanks all for making xiaodoudou's funeral a grand affair. Your attendance was great comfort to us. Would also like to extend my gratitude to all who stayed overnight.

Her new address is at :
5 Poh Huat Road
All Saints Memorial Chapel
Blk 2 Room 6 Unit 27
Visiting hours from 7am to 7pm daily

Tis 7th day. Bought her favorite tulips and chocs. No sign of her returning. She must be busy playing with the angels above.

Right now I wonder "Would you know my name, if I saw u in heaven. I must be strong, and carry on...And I know there'll be no more, Tears in heaven"

THE END

2006-05-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

She's gone. At last, all pain, suffering ended on 27-May-2006 11pm
Our father in heaven will always be with her.

Please pay her your last respects at
Bedok North Road
Blk 121 (Void deck)
From 28-May-06 to 31-May-06
Cremation on 31-May-06 10AM
Tel : 62460830

Amen

15/5/06 WHITE BLOOD CELLS

2006-05-15T11:08:00.000+08:00

On the 11th May I went for Dr See's appointment. Was totally weak and while sitting on the wheelchair, I had to lean my head against either my mummy's, deardeer's or meimei's tummy. Dr See deduced that my white blood cells were too high and got infection somewhere. She suggested that I be admitted over the weekend. I cried and cried and then suddenly smiled my million dollar light bulb smile. It was very important to convince them that I'm ok to stay at home and I love staying at home.

On Saturday morning n noon I was pretty strong and healthy. Then in the afternoon, Pastor Chen came over with Pearl and preached about some stuff in the bible and prayed for me. Vada and Sotong came over n visited me :) My mummy fried some very salty luncheon meat rice for them and they all loved it, especially Deardeer. I had a few mouthfuls, nice lah but you know......very sinful for me leh, HAI!

The two of them shared a cab, Tong went to Telok Kurau to meet Faith, Didar, Eloise and Swap while Vada went straight home to do work. Got like what 6 pieces of drawings to finish?! Sounds tedious.

Sunday was BAD. Pastor Chen called and asked me if I want him and some people from the church to come over to my house to baptize me, my family and DearDeer. Over the phone my super weak voice told him I will make it down to the church together with the rest when I am almost fully recovered. Meanwhile, I couldn't wake up and no digestion took place at all. Called Dr Sign the Burmese Doctor, he came over and inserted this fluid into my digestive system but it didn't work. Even after many doses of morphine, I was in severe pain. I Hated Sunday.

Today I woke up strong. HEE! My mummy gave me a little bit of juice only as we suspect an overdosage could be the culprit. She tried to trick me into eating Abalone Shark's fin which BL and meimei bought for her on Mother's Day. Papa helped me buy a bouquet of carnations for her. Anyway I am taking my morphine dosage faithfully so not much pain, but still no digestion yet so Nurse Poh says she's coming over later.

06/05/06 TRYING SUPPLEMENT PRODUCTS

2006-05-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

This morning when the ambulance came to pick me up to go to NCC for my appointment with Dr See Hui Ti, I saw the old people walking up the steps by themselves. I was sort of carried up and down the steps on a modern sedan :P

Really strengthless :( But I'm recovering. At least now I can sit up from the sofa on my own :)
Although sometimes my family members and Deardeer insist on giving me a hand.

I wonder how are all my friends and am really appreciative of the comments left by people I do not know also ^_^I can't really blog for long because I take a 30ml cup of morphine every 4 hourly. That makes me so drowsy, blur and mistake-prone when typing so I keep re-checking my sentences which is quite tiring.

At NCC today, met this patient who was in my ward when I went for my operation recently. This middle-aged woman had lived 4 years beyond what was expected of her already~Her son Steven was telling me about these chinese herbs they buy in Malaysia which help to shrink tumors and another kind of capsules supplements (made in USA) but can be bought in Singapore lah :P

My parents were very interested in the herbs naturally but I think I'm going to buy the bottles of capsules tomorrow because Steven told me her mum did not feel any nausea or fatique after consumming the capsules before each chemotheraphy session! *excited*

20/04/06 BACK HOME

2006-04-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

I'm finally sent home by an ambulance today, can't blog much, because I have difficulty sitting up. My wound is still oozing badly. The cancer fluid in my tummy is now so much I can't really breathe properly.

Today a pastor from Taiwan came to my house and converted my and my mum. He actually cured my mum's long-short arm miraculously.

Anyway, it's nice to be back, I was going insane in the hospital.

16/04/06 RESTITCHING

2006-04-16T09:39:00.000+08:00

Just gave xdd a call to check on her. She feels much stronger today. Great!! She's recovering from the op!! *cheers.

2 days ago, which was Good Friday...Dr re-stitchedher op wound. Her stomach bloated up quite fast, due to the cancer. As a result, her tummy was so stretched, till her op wound tore apart. Some of the staples tore her skin and came off. So Dr came in as an urgent case. The needle he used looked like a mini parang. With the mini parang, he gave xdd more than 10 stitches. Poor baby, she screamed and wailed.

She hasn't resumed her diet. Dr said her gut's distended...Hope she cn start eating soon...We all know eating makes her happy. We sneaked in a bowl of dessert last night. No choice, she begged and bugged us for it. *pinch u notti doudou.

K I m off to see her....Way to go xiaodoudou!!!

12/04/06 HYSTERIC XIAODOUDOU

2006-04-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

She seemed alright earlier in the day. So I fetched her my laptop during lunchtime, as requested. Guess she was feeling extremely bored now that her new ward does not have TV. Thought she was doing fine, sitting up, playing games, getting her mind off the pain.

Alas, I heard bad news from her mum and sis when I came by after work. Dr gave her blood transfusion, as she lost too much of em during the op. After a while, she started feeling uneasy. Emotionally, I guess...She hasn't been eating/drinking anything for the past 1 week. Plus the constant pain, etc. So her emotions got the better of her. She screamed, pulled out whatever tubes that were attached to her. Nurses tried to calm her down...One of them even got hit by her. Gosh...Must've been scary, judging from the worried look on her mum and sis's faces. "Xiaodoudou, please dun do it again. U notti baby." Had a good talk with her about being more logical. Hope she wdn't think too much and complicate the situation outta nothing at all.

She had rosy cheeks after the blood transfusion. *cute!!! Today's 15th day of the Lunar Calendar month. Gonna turn vegetarian!

11/04/06 POST-OPERATION

2006-04-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

Finally!!! After resting for 2 days in the high dependency ward, xiaodoudou is now in the normal ward. Means everything's stabilised. No more morphine. Dun know if tis good or bad. Cos morphine-less means pain. Yup, she's in pain again. From the operation, she's got 28 staples on the wound. It's as though some1 cut her entire stomach into 2. Really worried abt how her skin's gonna react to the staples, cos she's allergic to metal.

With the pain, she said she understands how cruel it is to slaughter animals and how painful they must've felt. So the angels are gonna turn vegetarians!! I dun mind turning vegetarian...Dun really like meat anyway. *thinking about delicious vegetarian bee hoon...

She wants me to apologise to Mok and Eve for chasing them off. Sorry...She was suffering from pain tt's y...Pls dun take it to heart.

A message to visitors : Please only bring yourself and your most positive spirits. Preferrably no gifts. Else xiaodoudou's mum gotta carry lotsa things home. And there's limited space in her tiny ward.

Let's think about xiaodoudou and chant...南无消灾延寿药师佛 (nan...mo...xiao...zai...yan...shou...yao...shi...fo)

08/04/06 OPERATION DAY

2006-04-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

Payed xiaodoudou a visit at the hospital this afternoon during lunch time. Wanted to give her as much moral support as possible. She updated me on happenings while I was away at work. The nurse apparently forgot something and screwed up the morphine drug. Xiaodoudou's blood back-flowed into the morphine like this...

Bloody Morphine!

"But Nurse, you are forgiven! Though u made a mistake, u've done a hundred other good things, taking good care of xiaodoudou and other patients." Other than the machine above, xiaodoudou was also attached to this one below...

That thingy above sucks out liquid/gas from her gastric. It helped her a great deal, reliefing her from pain due to the bloating.

Positive doudou before Op

At abt 3:30PM, the operation started. My handphone rang non-stop. Her friends SMSed me every other hour to check on her progress. Everyone was ultra worried. At about 8PM, her op was done. We didn't get to see her till 11:30PM, cos she was under post-op observation. She was then transferred to the High Dependency Ward and will be there for the next 2 days or so till everything's stabilised. We were all delighted to see her deflated stomach.

"You r so damn brave bb!! U r my heroine princess!! *melts"

Hurray!!! 3 cheers for xiaodoudou!!! U made it!!!

06/04/06 CONSTANT SEVERE PAIN

2006-04-06T23:39:00.001+08:00

Not a very good day. Her stomach is super stretched, like being pregnant for 8 months. It's a million times worse than being pregnant. Imagine all the cancerous jelly in the abdomen squeezing the intestines. The doctor has increased her morphine intake on the machine to 2ml/hour. They're gonna run another blood test for her at 6am tomorrow. Then she'd be sent for an emergency operation either friday or saturday. ASAP Please!!!! The pain's unbearable!!!

xiaodoudou said [crying] "I've never felt such immense pain...It's constant and totally unbearable"

Must be real bad, cos xiaodoudou's threshold for pain is very high. When will the suffering stop? God please help her tide thru this.

Good thing the nurses are very nice, checking out on her as often as possible, consoling her, doing everything they can to relief her of the pain. The counsellor came by again. He's suffering from cancer as well. Still under treatment after 10 years. He dropped by to check out on xiaodoudou after collecting his medicine from NCC. Thank God she's blessed with nice, supportive, uplifting pple.

06/04/06 A BETTER XIAODOUDOU

2006-04-06T02:34:00.000+08:00

Glad to inform all that xiaodoudou is much better today. At least she could joke and move about a bit. No more fever. The rubber tube really helps. She looks like a super cutie elephant with that rubber tube sticking outta her nose.

Cutie Dou Dou

Cheerful Dou Dou (gorgeous as ever)

They will do a count on her white blood cells on Friday. If alls well, they'd perform the operation on Sat or Sun. Way to go doudou!! U can make it!! She was pretty terrified of the idea of going thru another op. But a counsellor came by and had a long Q & A session with her to counter her fears and uncertainties.

Thanks a million for all the prayers, support, gifts, etc! 明天会更好！

05/04/06 PROGRESS REPORT

2006-04-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

xiaodoudou's still quite weak at this moment. Her body temperature fluctuates between 37.4 and 38. The Doctor said tt she saw fluid in her gastric from the XRay. A nurse who looked like Nanny McPhee came by and stuffed a long rubber tube through her nose into her gastric. Then she drew out abt 2 mugs of grey color liquid from xiaodoudou's gastric. Can't drink or talk much with the tube in her, cos it'll hurt.

Thanks all for the visits, support, gifts. Definitely lifted her spirits a great deal. Zzzz

03/04/06 MORE UPDATES

2006-04-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the hospital. She's sleeping soundly now. Her sister's with her tonight. Hope her fever's gone by now. She rejected the glucose drip fr the hospital, refused to eat. Tt's why it got to her. Plus immune system's low, esp after chemo. I stood helplessly, watching the doctor draw a thick syringe of her blood for bacterial tests. Her parents looked extremely worried, praying, pacing about...Maybe the prayers really worked. Her fever subsided from 37.9 to 37.5 :D

Doctor said she cd go hm only if she cd eat 3 full meals and not feel the pain. Just hope she wun have to rely on morphin ASAP. It's making her drowsy and giddy all the time.

Sweetest dreamz my princess...May you wake up to a pain-free day...Luvin you...Amen

02/04/06 XIAODOUDOU BBL

2006-04-02T12:38:00.000+08:00

Ros here, blogging on behalf of xiaodoudou. She's now bedridden in the hospital, attached to machines that inject morphin,bascopan (painkillers). Three days ago, she felt an acute pain in the stomach. We rushed her to A&E. The scans showed that accumulation of fluid pushed her intestines to one side of the body, causing severe pain. The best thing they can do now, is to put her on morphin to ease the pain. She's got no appetite, probably cos of the morphin, probably cos she's afraid of the pain everytime her stomach tries to digest.

She'll be undergoing an operation in about two weeks' time. Doctors will remove as much cancer as possible during the op. She'll then continue with chemo after her recovery from op.

Sometimes I'd pinch myself and hope to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Doesn't work...Tis reality...Gotta face it...Gotta pray hard.

k....That's it for now. More updates next time...Hopefully positive ones

27/03/06 A NEW DOCTOR?

2006-03-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

Mummy received this phonecall from Ida auntie, who told her of this friend that invited a 'doctor' (whom I suspect is probably a Tibetan monk?) to Singapore for a short stay and to help the sick. They decided I am to go visit this person today.

I've got changed and is all ready to oblige. "We cannot just rely on western medi n chinese medi right? Must try all ways right? One might just work! :)" Mummy seems to be the emblem of both positivity and negativity in one body. She's not exactly confident the usual stuff will cure me, yet she is always so full of hope.

I'm starting to feel the dread I usually feel on Chemo days. Perhaps it's because Thursday is approaching and I don't feel any better physically? Once upon a time, there was this DAY when my tummy just felt so good. It almost wasn't bloated at all that day, the fluid went down a lot and my waist felt significantly trimmer. Best of all, that meant my CA125 (a tumour marker in the blood) is low, maybe not within the normal <35 range but should be below 70 then.

I should be required to do a CT scan soon again judging from the size of my tummy. I feel pure disgust from the infinite number of giant glasses of pink liquid I've got to drink, the hot medi pumped into the veins of my arms, the most sickening is of course worrying about what the scan will show and how helpless I will be. Will there be more tumour? Fluid? Or will there be less? I'm also worried about the blood test this coming Wednesday, or rather, the results available on Thursday. Will my CA125 rise above 100? Will it be around the same? Or will it be miraculously low?

27/03/06 FAT FAT FAT

2006-03-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

I'm officially fat now. Meimei just came back from Bangkok, she bought me so much stuff! I need to lose some weight in order to start looking good manz.

Met Fort, Chris and Evilyn at boat quay on Friday, then Fort gave us a treat at Royal Scotts Hotel for dinner. He's really sweet and caring still, hyperactive as usual though. Hahaha! Chilled out at Backstage for a short while before heading home.

Me and dear went around snacking on fattening stuff in Orchard yesterday before returning home for a healthy dinner. But it was too late, I've already had chendol, cheese/egg prata, dimsum, otah and fried tofu in the afternoon.....

Ktv with Swap and Eloise today then Swap treated us to ChongQing Hotpot! I'm a bit tired to post pictures now. My stomach feels so big and the rest of my body feels just plain fat. I think I'm going vegetarian for the next 3 days before my chemo on Thursday. I NEED to fit into all the gorgeous stuff Meimei bought back from Bangkok! I miss my skinny arms and face :P

Before Ktv today, me and Deer went to The Furniture Mall. This is so exciting! Deardeer bought me a bed and a mattress! We visited so many shops and saw so much furniture these few weeks and we finally decided on this fantastic cream colour bed frame with a soft cushion headboard. The mattress we picked is also so darn comfortable, with this memory foam thingy in it, and is one of the thickest luxury mattresses available right now.

Actually it was Mummy who suggested I get rid of my current single sized bed, so when Deardeer sleeps over, we can both sleep on one bed. (Mummy so sweet!) Then I thought of repainting my room, changing other furniture like the wardrobe and writing desk. Deer volunteer to sponsor my new room~~ *muaks a million!* In the hope that we stay slim, we decided on a super single sized bed, Mummy agrees that it's big enough for 2 san2 bohs3, provided I stop putting on weight.

I'm so happy, today is the start of my room's makeover with the purchase of the new bed! Next will be a brand new HUGE wardrobe for all my clothes, then I wanna paint my room an angelic blue ^_^ Thank you Deardeer! I'm imagining us nuaing on the wonderful mattress, shoulders against the cushioned headboard, reading books together...hee!!!

Nowadays, I keep wondering if the fluid in my tummy increased, cos now my tummy is soooooooooooo big. I'll better chant more tonight and focus on being determined to get well.

24/03/06 STOCK TAKE

2006-03-24T12:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning, had an urge to re-shape my nails, change my nail colours and smoothen out my hands. My tools were spread out on the floor and I realise...wah, looks like quite a lot hoh? I'm kind of a self-proclaimed scrooge so I never realised I'm well...a lil over-spending on beauty products. Maybe I should keep a record of all the items that helps me look my age. (Well, I used to look 30 when I was only 18?)

十大酷刑

Crucial items are the nail and skin filers, Sally Hansen's thick Callus remover cleanser which I use on both feet and hands. The exfoliation really makes my hands so smooth and soft and good to hold! Even I love holding my own hands...*clasps both hands in delight*

Right hand: I love you leftie, you look so sexy and fair!
Left Hand: I adore you rightie...you feel absolutely soft and tender.
Both: All Thanks to Sally Hansen! ( Claps against each other)

Over The Rainbow

Among all that a pair of eyes can see. I love colours. More than shapes and textures. That's why I'm very grateful that the physical challenge presented to me is cancer and not something like loss of sight. Whenever I think of my short-sighted, single lid eyes, I'm filled with gratitude and will greedily take in all the delicious colours I can see in this world.
Will that justify my collection of nail polish? I have around 30 I think, same as undergarment collection....and no, I didn't buy them to match each other but they might incidentally just be that way.

粉墨登场

Third came all my cheap foundations, (glad to see I've quited Estee Lauder's powder foundation fter my complexion improved) mascaras, eyebrow pencils, eye-shadows, blushers and lip colours. SPECIAL recommendation is ZA Eyebrow Pencil! Better than any other expensive brands. Dear thinks I have too much of everything as I put on such a negligible amount of stuff on my face.Then how?! Wayang faces are really not right for me mah.
Can see that I have some brand new items that I have not even taken out of their packaging yet? I mean, how to start using that tempting Estee masacara when I have 4 half-used ones? :( I'm so frivolous it's almost maddening.

The real rail guards

These are my collagen dews, serum, moisturizers, masks, hydrating cleansers, toothbrush, floss, perfumed body lotions and sunscreen. they are mostly contributed by Dear, meimei and her friends. I do NOT use ALL of them every single day. Depends on mood. However, the purple Estee Perfectionist serum, hydrating cleanser, Shiseido's moisturizer are MUST-APPLY items everyday. Another baby not in the picture is my Ellgy H2O hand and body lotion which I faithfully lavish on every inch of my body (sans the face) while I have my nightly phone chat with Deardeer.

A pair of exfoliating mittens from Bodyshop is what I wear for shower time when I will scrub and scrub my skin like a mad woman. That gets rid of the dry skin I have and gives a real glow to your body siah. If there's a risk of ruining a manicure when wearing the mittens, I'll switch to using the pink bath lily that Dear got for me. Works too, just not as vigorous scrubbing.

Okie, one might think I'm over zealous about this. I got reasons loh, ever since my hysterectomy last august, my oil glands went on a strike. My skin actually went from oily to flaky dry, think the operation caused it. Now I can't have children, can't have perfect skin also?! No way :p Hard work = Beauty.

The abandoned concubines.

These are the ones residing in 冷宫 most of the time. After I was on chemo, a strange phenomena took place. Suddenly I have the nose of a pedigree breed puppy. The slighest of smells can attract me or put me off. Now, I can only use a teeny weeeny bit of perfume from time to time so it seems I won't be able to finish these collection or it's duplicates in the near future ;/

Sunnies!

Heartbroken since my first pair of Gucci was stolen along with my whole bag when I brought my students out to watch a concert in a neighbourhood secondary school. Bought my second pair after that but it never replaced the emptiness the first one left in me....aaahh what crap. The second one not as nice lah, a sudden stroke of bad taste hit me that afternoon of purchase.

After that, I only bought cheap ones. Okie, the 3 Evita Peronis' were not exactly cheap cheap, but I still do have 3 that are less than 10 dollars cheap cheap cheap! And they are smashing! Why are my glasses mostly big? I have big face ok, big face goes with humongous glasses...satisfied? Gives the illusion I have big eyes too!

23/03/06 HIAO HIAO DAY

2006-03-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

I did stock taking today, for all my beauty products etc. Took some pictures for fun, next time then blog about it. After looking at all my stuff, I decided to make use of some and do a manicure for myself. Mum wanted to have her hair done so booked an appointment with her hairstylist at Zoom in Marina square, recommended me to have my pedicure done there too.

So before we set out to the salon at around 4p.m, I started on my own manicure. Hee!
The colours this time is pearl white polish and pink flowers.

My masterpiece!

The 3 dimensional flowers were a bit hard to stick on, because I had to stick two very very delicate layers of petals to create the effect. It was tedious but great fun! I found the results a bit cheesy looking at first, a lil too glam...machiam for wedding like that. However after a while, it sort of grew on me and I'm starting to really like this Jap-Sakura look~

The gal at the salon was really great, did my toenails in a jiffy and gave me the cutest, neatest and cleanest french pedicure ever! Now my toenails are short, squarish, pink with white tips! *PLEASED*

Papa and Dear joined us for dinner, went to this place call 'It's Dim Sum' ‘一点心’. The restaurant works on a dimsum on conveyor belt concept, which I thought was dumb. 90% of the food we tried there sux, only one dish made the mark...

The Ugly Ducklings

Adorable hoh? Yummy too :p That's about the only edible dish there. We moved on to Imperial Treasures nearby. Had our fill with typical shanghai and sichuan cuisine there! But I still think Crystal Jade is better. Anyway, we tried another new dish in Imperial, 拔丝糖香蕉 or something like that.

Fried bananas were coated with honey, dipped into iced water, scooped out and served. The honey hardens and is suppose to form threads all over, very interesting, though I felt the waitress overdid it with the ice part, causing the honey to be too hard.

Looks like glass coated fritters :)

Felt bad about one thing tonight, threw tantrums at Papa and even cried. He talked a lot about all sorts of remedy to relieve a bloated stomach, kept asking me if I feel well, constantly monitored what I ate...I knew he meant well and he is so worried about me. But, I just got so stressed and upset because I do realise that the fluid caused by the cancer in my abdomen has increased significantly these few days.

It's freaking me out and I don't know what kind of decision Dr See will make the next time she sees me. That will be next Thursday, which seems to be so late in terms of consistent treatment but so soon when I think of chemo-free days.

23/03/06 LUCKIEST GIRL

2006-03-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

That's me! I feel like the luckiest girl ever. Just watched the korean movie My Girl And I with dear in cineleisure. Another story about girl with cancer and undying love between the couple. It's so typical and common nowadays, this story is super romanticized in films. Anyway, the one with cancer is always some great beauty so I don't mind :p I'm sick too, I must be a 大美女 *dreams on*

I feel so lucky because ever since I was admitted into hospital last year August, Mummy had hardly raised her voice at me. In fact, she's so sweet now it's hard to believe. Papa totally quited gambling, Meimei transformed into a caring, respectful sister. The love within the family is so magnified and perfect now because everyone treasures each other now. We realise every member is so precious and important.

The love me and Deer have was already so magical since last January when we got back together. We achieved mutual understanding, respect and an overdose of passion and sweetness ever since. I knew then what true compatibility ought to feels like finally, but after having all that bliss for around 7 months, I was told that I have cancer.
My world should have crumbled. I wanted to break up with Deer because I thought it's so unfair to her. I felt so sorry towards her.
Anyhow, she held my hand and expressed her determination to go through everything with me. Through this, I felt true love. Our relationship intensifies and now our every minute together burns with passion. Quite shiok. LOL!

Fourth lucky point is, I don't have to work! If that's not lucky, I don't know what is. I can do whatever I want now and not work for a career! It's really good fortune ok. I can learn dressmaking, fashion design, play the piano, culinary skills, baking, floral arrangement, photography, facial and make-up...etc all for the fun of it~

Okiez...countless lucky things but Mummy wants me to go to bed. Tata~

22/03/06 TULIPS AND A & E

2006-03-22T10:52:00.000+08:00

Xiaohan gave me a little warrior doll and passed me a set of VCDs to watch. 我叫金三顺 is the show's name and I like the gal in it so much! A little like me, chubby cheeks, greedy and talkative. Xiuwan bought me a bouquet of very unique tulips which I love too~

I love forget-me-nots and tulips. See the way the bouquet is wrapped? With a mini bunch of forget-me-nots tied to the outside, so cute!

Amazingly fresh flowers, with the water droplets on the blooms, I almost wanted to bury my face in the petals. The colours in real life are even more lovely, like sunrise...fading from a light pink to gorgeous gold.

Mummy likes them too!

There are supposed to be 10 tulips but these imported babies are so cute, there were some infant ones hiding among the bouquet! Got 2 smaller blooms in front, can spot? There are some others who are still in the bud stage...see if you can seek them out!

Ok enough of tulips, maybe later :p Had dinner at the crepe place (issit call Out Of The Pan?) beside the basement fountain in Raffles City with these 2 ex-schoolmates from Dunman High. It's funny to think we were once so full of passion for our Erhu, so united in the name of our ECA(now it's CCA), now we're suddenly all grown up. It's surprising how meandering friendships can reach one in times to come. Thanks for the time and effort pals, by the way I am enjoying the VCDs tremendously now.

Had this disgustingly salty Norwegian Salmon crepe and this pretty good chocolate one.

The choco sauce and icing powder display was quite impressive and the crepe was chewy soft as well. One problem though, this crepe was probably the culprit that landed me in hospital the following morning.

I had stomach seizures for the whole night again. The pain was consistently bad and I tried so hard not to wail. It was so bad, I almost couldn't utter a single word for hours and hours. My poor family as usual could not get to sleep as my body was cold and writhing from the pain. Finally after being tormented for the whole night and admitting defeat, I was sent to the hospital again.

The doctor this time was nice though, I was given a shot and x-rays done. After the last hysterical episode on the NO anti-vomit injection, NO drips and NO hospital stays, it was much more peaceful this time round as everyone was clear what I NEED and not what the hospital staff wants. It's simple :) I just need the pain to stop and the people I love.

Mummy made me plain porridge and tender steamed egg when I could finally eat by evening time. Deardeer bought me strawberry shortcake from Bakerzinn. I'm a happy gal ^_^

20/03/06 MITCH ALBOM

2006-03-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

Last week, Fort bought me this book by Mitch Albom, "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". It was interesting, talking about coming to terms with one's life after death. My sister mentioned she read another book by Mitch which is "Tuesdays With Morrie", a book which I decided then I should buy on my own.

Yesterday night, the taxi driver who drove me home chatted with me. He talked about missing his wife who passed away 5 years ago due to lymphoma (cancer of the lymphatic system).

He talked about how his wife got a strange disease (declining blood cells n liver malfunctioning) 10 over years ago and was going to die. An old lady with no kins resided in the same ward as his wife, and being in pain herself, she still got up to feed the old lady porridge. The very next day, the lonely old lady passed away and miraculously his wife survived for another 10 over years.

I shared with him my doctor's views on my condition and he took out a book from the side of his driver's seat. "Tuesdays With Morrie". Such is fate, we both agreed. It was an old book, obviously drenched and dried once. Ricky, the driver insisted I take it as he had another copy at home and the one I'm holding was given to him by a Canadian friend. He gave me his handphone number in case I needed to talk or return the book.

The story is beautiful, starting with Morrie dying and sharing, ending with his peaceful death. Learning how to die is learning how to live, like Amy Tan says, "I love this book...a true story that shines and leaves you forever warmed by its afterglow." How very true.

I intend to pass on and circulate this beauty, do ask of it from me if you can spare some time to read. :)

20/03/06 SIMPLE SUNDAY

2006-03-20T12:28:00.000+08:00

It was Sunday Suntec day. The food fest was packed full of people. Me and Dear escaped to the prata place on the 1st floor to rest our feet and see what we saw!

The most curly wormy Hairdo

Prata man in shirt and tie

Weird right?

It was a leisurely afternoon, spoilt by loads of people flooding the entire building. So we further escaped to Starbucks and nestled in their sofa! I read books n papers while Dear just slept happily with her head on my shoulder. With the soft sunlight coming through the glass panels, Dear's hair tickling my face, I spent a couple of hours in bliss.

We decided on Ichiban sushi which was a mistake. Seems like the two branches at Great World and Wisma are the good ones only. Then we shopped around Millenia Walk before I start craving for raw food again. Uni! OToro! My Favourite Ikura! Sushi Tei had just imported some Blue Fin Tuna Belly so there I had my Toro. Fattiest piece of fish I've ever eaten...melts in the mouth.

After watching this food show on Sea Urchin (Uni) at Tong's house, and last experience at Nara, I've been wanting to try it. It was soft and sweet, but I think I'm slightly allergic to it :( Skin itched. Yikes.

My raw food and Dear's Donbin Teapot soup

The truly amazing thing happened in the night, on my way home. That's for the next entry, after I finish reading the unexpected gift/loan.

19/03/06 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONG!

2006-03-19T01:24:00.000+08:00

Happy bithday to you~~~ Happy birthday to you~~~ Happy birthday to Sotong, Happy birthday to you!!!

Had a really enjoyable time having steamboat at Tong's place and then watching her cut the cake. There were so much food, couldn't possibly finish all. Swap, Eloise, Didar and Faith went for ktv, I was so tempted to follow but cos got curfew...not very practical. In the end, played a bit of mahjong before going home.

Glad to see Joy, Rena and Monica, all three whom I have not met for some time. Thanks for the wonderful night Tong!

17/03/06 REDSTAR, TONGZHI AND TONKICHI

2006-03-17T15:26:00.000+08:00

2 days ago on Wednesday, mum planned lunch at Redstar (Hong xing 红星）restaurant because it is near to the Chinese Hospital 同济医院 that she wanna bring me, in fact it was just across the road.

Walk across the traffic light crossing and turn left, will see this :

It is at this HDB office building that looks like a HDB flat, even the lift is very HDB. So like people who have been there says, it will be quite shocking when you step out of the life and see this old huge grand chinese restaurant. Me and meimei were very amused to see the lighted eyes of the dragon and phoenix on their stage. What really tickled was the fake multi-tiered wedding cake wrapped in plastic bag beside the golden dragon.

It's huge, about the size of five 4-room flats? Wonderful suckling pig there...that's about it. The rest of the food were not quite up to standard. The novelty maybe being the pushcarts of dimsum which cute smiley aunties wheel all aound the place.

I was trying to figure out why business is so darn good at an old place like this with less than desirable dimsum. Then I looked up and saw this!

The entire ceiling was tiled with this motif and some other auspicious stuff. This 五福临门 symbolises fortune and prosperity, fengshui! Guess that may work more than just the lure of the rustic charm the place has?

After dimsum, Papa left for work. Me, Mum and meimei went over to the hospital to see the chinese physician and waited till about 4 plus to collect the herbs. It was off to Chinatown to collect air tickets for meimei's bangkok trip and then Orchard for some shopping~

BL and Ros joined us for dinner while mummy decides to go home on her own to probably cook dinner for the old man :p

I recommended Tonkichi and what a sumptous dinner we had!

Cosy little Japanese place

BL had this Udon set with the yummiest clear soup and thinly sliced white pork, a refreshing prawn salad with very delicious dressing. We love the potato croquette he didn't want. Meimei had this 3 huge pieces of fried fish and curry. Super flaky, crispy and light fried fish...best I ever tasted. We were so touched...wahahhaa.

I had Tonkotsu Ramen, the ramen is so bouncy and the milky soup a satisfying drink till the last drop. However, the pork slices I had smelled too much of fat. Deardeer's bento was so huge, I finished all her fried pork which were Tonkichi's signature item. She enjoyed her grilled salmon and ramen drenched in vinegar. Hmm...I forgot to snap a shot of the chawanmushi we ordered along with the set meals, they were really pretty good too. Must compliment the tea we had, Houji Cha they call it. BL had one cup after another! The write-up says it fights cancer so I drank at least 2 cups also :p

I persuaded meimei and BL to join us for the movie "The Constant Gardener" in Lido after the meal. It's such a great show and I managed to find out that Lido is still showing it, probably not for long though. Must catch it! The scenes were awesome, revealing the dark side of the pharmaceutical industry, how Africans are therefore exploited and the love for humankind, the deep feelings a couple can hold in their hearts. So glad I watched the film after I missed "Walk The Line" and "Matchpoint"!

17/03/06 WEAK

2006-03-17T12:00:00.000+08:00

Just had chemo yesterday, mummy accompanied me. Deardeer Ros took leave to be with me too. It was the third week in a row and I feel the concentration of these chemicals in my body is a lil high, the nausea is starting to set it and the feeling of weakness doesn't seem to get any better. I constantly pray for the fluid in my abdomen to go away, I hope it does. As much as I feel my body is dying sometimes, I really don't wish for my time to come so soon.

Trina brought her little baby Tricia to visit me last night. Trina is this gorgeous babe that I made a friend when I was studying, and Tricia is a live doll from Precious Moments. Hee. Trina gave me a string of beautiful Soka Bead, all crystal blue and pearly white beads with fluffy white poms poms on the side. I promised her I will pray.

After she left, I continued to vomit whatever gastric juices I had in my stomach, after Ros left later in the night, I puked again. Maybe this is the third dosage, that's why the side effects are acting up again. There's a nagging pain in my left and sometimes right abdomen now, but I won't get to see Dr See until two weeks later. *scared*

Good news is, I get a week's rest after chemo this week. Hopefully I'll be well enough to carry out all the activities I wanna go ahead with. Ikea sale, Filmfest, Singapore Gaga and some 相声 show. Cheers.

15/03/06 NO MORE BUFFETS?

2006-03-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

The ambience was refreshingly cosy and chic, with all the stations as open kitchens managed by chefs.

Sashimi was sliced on the spot, Indian nans oven baked within a glass enclosure, a splendid spread of desserts which I couldn't finish sampling. There was Italian, Japanese, Indian, Thai , Salad and cheese stations but yet I still feel something lacking.

Worst thing that happened was...I found a string in the Thai Tung Hoon. I indicated that to the waiter, he apologized, then another waiter came over to collect my plate to show the chef, he apologized as well. Then a female manager came over to check with me and my friends how we are doing, she apologised as well. At the end of the day, no discount...chey.

Okie, Melt The World Cafe has one redeeming point tonight, their waffle rocks, their chocolate made me happy too. Their waffle prepared by the young chef was simply fantastic. Crispy on the outside with a fluffy texture in between. Slap on a huge ball of whipped cream and get sent straight to heaven.

Maybe I should quit buffets, I'm starting to get fleshy :( And buffet food somehow is not satisfying me anymore. Maybe quality is inversely proportional to quantity, food prepared in large amounts just don't taste as good. Thanks for the suggestion Distantstar, I'll go try that restaurant one day! Looks good~

By the way, I watched Nanny Mcphee with Deardeer after Fort left that night, really cute movie...we love it.

14/03/06 I FEEL BEAUTIFUL

2006-03-14T12:54:00.000+08:00

Mood: Beautiful
Nails: Pale Milky Pink Fingers Fuschia Candy Pink Toes
Weather: Cloudy with light breeze
Deal: 5p.m Jiahui, 6p.m Dear, 7p.m Dear, Min, Anna
Food: Simple lunch, tea, Buffet dinner.

I'm going to Melt The World Cafe! It's at The oriental and has been awarded to be Singapore's Best Restaurant 2006 by Tatler's Culinary Hall Of Fame. I read that it has two choco fountain fondue, one dark and one could be orange flavoured...cool! I know they use Valrhona Chocolate, Hyatt uses Lindt and Shangrila prefers Mi-amere...I wonder what will be the difference? I'm just so happy it's Valrhona tonight! Yeah!!!!!! *jumps for joy*

Of course I'm also looking forward to their multi-cultural cooking theatre kinda style. Hmm...better charge my casio baby's battery.

Met Fort at Hyatt Mezza9 yesterday for a quick drink and snacks. Very comfy couch in the bar and excellent fruit punch with fresh passion fruit in it! Their freshly made fruit tarts were super cute and delectable~ I was paiseh to take picture though...he didn't know about my blogging. It was nice to catch up with him, nice to know he's still as interesting and caring. ^_^

I was a bit hesitant to tell him about my condition, mainly because I'm afraid more people might know from him. I'm afraid of people who will look at me differently because I am sick. I hope I don't get weird looks or sympathetic approaches from anyone whom I'm not particularly close to. Eeks :p

We also talked about how people around me are so nice and sweet. Friends who are genuinely concern and sms me every other day or week to check on me. Meet me up whenever I am free to hang out. Always put my moods and feelings in the priority. I'm truly lucky and blessed!

13/03/06 MOSAIC FESTIVAL

2006-03-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

We met up at the Esplanade last night, supposedly to have a quick dinner then get to Nokia Music Station and watch the Blues Men Guitar performance. Haha, ended up having a long dinner with drinks and supper. I mean, we went to the Music Station after dinner but the performance were honestly not what quite what I expected. So it was off to Aria Bistro for 1-for-1 all night cocktails and a super comfy set of sofa seats.

Here's what we had for dinner at Via Mar, a spanish restaurant.

Thanks for the meal Eloise!

The food we had were so so, though the spaghetti were rather bouncy...I like. We had potato skins, baked codfish with fries, pasta with yummy chorizos, fried pork knuckle and fried milkcake for dessert. I didn't post he picture of the pork knuckle because it's really ugly :p

The texture of the milk cake was so-so also, Dear says she had better ones at Tung Lok...I wanna try!

It was a fun dinner, joking about me wearing an Afro wig and going for the movies blah blah ;P Laughed like mad and echoed the whole place. We saw some other diners having the super fragrant $30 Saffron rice thingy and we were so jealous! Hmmpf.

There was this romantic screen with tealight candles on it arranged to be a heart shape, it was suggested that me and Dear go stand behind the heart and strike a really retro and cheesy pose. Nope, we didn't.

Anyway we got some super strong cocktails from Aria Bistro, they had interesting stuff like Choco Elvis, Gummibear, Lychee and Peach magaritas...but all not nice as everyone complaint that he proportions were wrong...too bitter.

Oh yah! Stefanie Sun was at the table in front of us! I wasn't particularly excited but Swap and Eloise tried to approach her for a picture, the keyword is 'tried'...kekeke.

Innocent looking concoctions

I'm going to quit oily fried stuff from hawker centres by the way. Try to remind me on that.

For the record, I want to say I love my friends, family and deardeer.

11/03/06 NUMB THE SIDE EFFECTS

2006-03-11T18:53:00.000+08:00

I don't care, I want to be a normal girl who can go out, walk around etc It's horrible when all I do is simply sit on the sofa or walk from my room to the toilet and I feel like my tummy is going explode or my bones are cracking up. Dump all these side effects and the bloated tummy, I choose to be NUMB.

That's simply means ignoring the awful nerve twisting pain in my hipbone and pushing on, doing what I want to do in the most normal way. Eg. walking without a hunch that's worsening because my tummy is heavy from the fluid.

Feel like going to Simpang/sembang? Bedok tonight. Got a lot of prata stalls there! Can have my favourite tissue prata...yeah. Dear is still snoozing away on my bed though, hope she wakes up soon!

Tomorrow will be hanging out with Dear, Swap and Eloise for dinner and music at the Esplanade~ Love jazz...mosaic fest is cool! Might meet Fort if he makes his way down after 8p.m?

Monday will be either Indian food or French Crepe day, depending on our dating mood.

Tuesday is reserved for a luxurious buffet with Minling and Anna~~ yum!

Haven't planned for Wednesday yet, but I should expect a romantic date or warm family outing bah.

Thursday chemo again :/ Ya, Dr See decided to try giving me consecutive chemo for 3 weeks in a row. Is my condition worsening? I don't know.

10/03/06 MY FIRST MEME~

2006-03-10T18:46:00.001+08:00

I've been tagged by The Baker for a meme! Never done one before so hmm...let's see.

4 jobs I've had in my life:

Helper at SATS (The place where food is done for SIA)
Private Tutor
Direct Sales for Appco
Tibetan Antique sales at Village Antique

4 movies I could watch over and over again:

The Little Mermaid (Disney)
Amelie (French)
Moulin Rouge
Il Mare (Korean)

4 places I've lived:

Muar Malaysia
Balestier Singapore
Redhill Singapore
Bedok Singapore

4 TV Shows I watch:

The Apprentice
FaceLift by Debbie Travis
Project Runway
Any TV show about Food!

4 Places I've been on vacation:

Bangkok
Malaysia ( Johor, KL, Penang, Sarawak)
China (Beijing, Tianjing, Chengde, Shanghai, Zhejiang, Suzhou and Fave Hangzhou!)
Indonesia Batam

4 Websites I visit regularly:

4 of my favourite foods:

All of Mummy's great dishes
Breakfast eggs
Cream Pasta
Salads

4 Places I would rather be right now:

In my Deardeer's arms
Travelling in Japan
On Hangzhou's west lake
In Doctor's office receiving news that I'm cured forever

4 People I'm tagging for this meme:

Piyo of www.piyostic.blogspot.com
Swap of www.fuguixianren.blogspot.com
Faith of http://cheaptransit.blogspot.com
Jiemei of www.doubleshotlatte.blogspot.com

10/03/06 THE LATEST SURPRISE!!!

2006-03-10T16:00:00.000+08:00

This post might really be an over the top narcissistic self-love entry. I cannot help it. It's actually a sad thing when people have to buy what I bought, but I'm actually estactic and happy over it...madness!

I mentioned that mum bought me something that I kept a secret from Dear, this is it!

Can you tell the difference in me?!

I've got a new wig! It's really a wonderful gift from mummy to cheer me up after all the depressing news from the doctor. The new hairstyle looks like my old style before I knew of the cancer. How I miss having long hair...or rather, looking like I've long hair.

Took this pic myself!

I think long hair suits me so much more. The short wig I had makes me look like a mannequin doll sometimes, too attention catching. However there's one problem with this long style, it tangles up very easily so I have to be super careful wearing it. The amount of hair is of course much lesser than the real hair people have on their heads so any unnecessary gentle tugging will make it a real mess :(

I'm a happy girl

I think it really looks like my old style, sans the fringe cos I used to have long fringe that's tuggable behind the ears. Anyway, I like this hair lah! I love it! 谢谢妈咪！

08/03/06 FAMILY DINNER

2006-03-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

Ros has family dinner tonight, so did I. Meimei gonna start working in the coming IT show and I'll be having chemo tomorrow so we probably won't have a chance to eat a great dinner together for the next four days or so.

Anyway, our dinner tonight was at this northern restaurant in Smith Street. This 大吃王 on TV did an introduction on their 松鼠鱼（boneless deep fried fish) before and we were guilible enough to trust that show! Not nice one! All the food were salty and oily and filling. Okie, I still ate alot as usual but the food wasn't exactly satisfying at all although I consider myself someone of super low expectations already.

Luckily my whole family was there, the feeling of them around me just offset whatever bad vibes the restaurant gave me.

Earlier in the day, mummy cooked lunch and I quickly packed it for me and dear. Met Tong and Xin at Bugis, Xin went for eyebrow trimming while I poured out my past few days' encounters to Tong. Tong blah blah blah and I blah blah blah and we blah blah blah so loudly, Xin said she could hear us throughout her eyebrow trimming session.

They long bung me to United Square to meet Dear, Eloise and Faith for lunch while Xin was going to accompany Tong at TTSH for check-up. I had to meet mummy to accompany her for a day, or I could have blah blah blah more with Tong at TTSH as Xin decided to go home and orh orh in the end~

Ros was a very good girl as usual, finished all the pumpkin and brown rice that I packed. After they went back to work, I met mummy at Tangs in Orchard road. I tried some FCUK Jeans but still decided jeans are a bit tight for my tummy right now, plus low cut ones reveal my ugly scar from the operation :( But mummy bought me this really sexy black tube dress to cheer me up! Yeah!

Finally visited the Island Cafe in Tangs. Knew it was there but never really explored Tangs to locate it. Quite a unique place but the food did not really interest me, though I think it will be a good spot for dating :p

Cool place

We were extremely lucky to get a cab quickly and got ourselves to this building. (issit Pearl Centre? People's Park? Not sure) I bought a secret item there which I absolutely cannot wait to show Deardeer. I like it so much although it's so troublesome and in potential danger of looking like shit if I don't take good care. I'm so excited now...Dear has reached home but is showering, she tried to force me to tell her the secret but I insisted she has to shower first then I'll send her a picture over msn later. Hee!

So strange...something that is usually not worth being happy about, but I am so excited and delighted over it. Is the quality of life really relative for everyone? Or has mine really just plunged? Okiez, I have to tell myself...my world is unique, special or extraordinary and I'm being a princess in it. Deep inside, I JUST WANT TO POST THAT SECRET PICTURE HERE AS SOON AS I'M READY! *hush*

08/03/06 HANGING OUT AGAIN!

2006-03-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

Yeah...I'm starting to hang out again. *checks my mental and emotional health* above average!

Had YaKun with Ros and Eloise before we head to Nara. I like Nara's dark dark ambience with cheesy pop music and lots of mirrors for me to admire myself in *wahahha*

Ros ordered a sashimi, vege set, I asked for tuna sushi, gyoza, grilled sticks of aspagagus pork roll and foie gras, Eloise ordered Yasai Tempura, fish Porridge and a grilled salmon. Plus two bottles Asahi dry, ice-cream and fruits, there was a lot a lot ALOT of food on the table. I've put together a rather ugly composite picture of what we ate actually.

Luckily Swap's taiji class was cancelled last minute and she joined us, or else we couldn't have possibly finished everything! Saw 李铭顺 walk in to speak to the chef and da bao some food, pity Fann Wong wasn't there :( I would like to see her in person!

Laughed so much over crapping non-stop~ Nara uses a pretty looking small glass for holding beer which Eloise actually broke just by gently knocking it against the beer bottle!

The cute glass we like

They long bung me and Ros to Cineleisure after dinner, many thanks! I wanted to take pictures with both Swap jiefu and Eloise jiemei but some say 3 in a picture is no good, keke. Gotta put in double effort then! I was very happy with my dressing~~ beige top with brown bag and sandals, even my eye make-up were in neutral shades!

The movie date started out so romantic alright, we couldn't stop looking at each other and smiling. I was so happy to walk out of my depressing thoughts. However halfway through the show, looking at Dear's face in the dim light, I started thinking how many more beautiful opportunities like this I can have. Started to tear up abit but quickly stopped my brain from wandering into dark territories. Thoroughly enjoyed the whole movie with our arms locked and me leaning on Dear's shoulder *Bliss*

On the way home, I was still thinking about mochi ice-cream and chocolate so stopped by 7 eleven to get both. Pink/red thin mochi skin with white lychee ice-cream, dark bitter meiji chocolate...mmm~~~

07/03/06 SAVE MY BLOG!

2006-03-07T13:18:00.000+08:00

Is there any way to save this whole blog so I can access it totally offline too?

Finally feeling good this morning. Seems odd that in my situation, I can feel good too! Me and Deardeer's theory is...when some people already owns a lot, has nothing much to be truly unhappy about, probably a few tiny obstacles that can be eventually overcomed, they try to find stuff to be fustrated or upset with.

Now me and Dear got ourselves a HUGE issue to be upset about, we can concentrate on looking for stuff to be happy for! Yeah! So nothing much can upset us further. Today, I crave for some handmade sushi. I don't want sakae or ichiban machine rolled ones...I want some chef-made Jap food! So it's off to Nara at Goldhill tonight then a movie date to follow. *ANTICIPATING*

Time for more pictures galore! I miss taking photographs, anyone wants more pictures?! This blog is getting a bit dull and wordy, I'm determined to add some colour to it after tonight.

06/03/06 FACING IT

2006-03-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

Did so much thinking...or rather having so much depressed thoughts these few days, it's taking a toll on everyone. My friends are right, my family is right, dear is right, I gotta get out of this horrible cycle of negativity. I still cannot accept the prognosis that my condition is that bad, but seems like everyone's got a fate, I have to start learning how to deal with mine.

Mummy brought me to Tong Zhi Hospital today to seek help with TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). The physician prescribed some 16 different kinds of herbs to be boiled by mummy and for me to take a huge bowl day and night. Bitter beyond words for sure.

There were numerous aunties and uncles there with cancer there. In NCC(National Cancer Centre) SGH last Thursday, I overheard nurses saying every single day, they have more than 10 new cases of cancer patients. Is cancer really going to become a more common sight than flu? I don't know, I just symphatise with all those who have to go through chemo like myself. Everyone out there, do get health checks regularly to ensure you keep your body in good condition k.

Called Minling to talk about what my doctor said. We were on the verge of silence/tears/dunnoe what when I tried to sound more positive and start complaining about what the Chinese Physician said I couldn't eat.

Me: She say I must avoid chicken (mummy says duck also), beef and lamb eh, that means I can only eat pork?

Minling: HUH?! Like that malay cancer patients how?!

Me: (questions mummy who walked past) mummy ...malay cancer patients how huh? They cannot eat pork leh.

Mummy: They never see 中医 how they know all these!

Minling and me were extremely satisfied with this hilarious but totally logical answer.

By the way, mummy also added that we could all eat fish though the physician mentioned that fish originally without scales are not as desirable.

I have stopped taking pictures for quite a few days, miss my white casio baby...

05/03/06 PEACEFUL SUNDAY

2006-03-05T19:52:00.000+08:00

There was all day breakfast at Scruffy's something Irish pub next to Coffee Bean in ECP (East Coast Park), we ordered a set of american breakfast and dear had a shiraz red. The ham and sausages were a wee bit oily so we didn't finish the food.

Then we had a little stroll, ended up in the Japanese restaurant Waraku. Had hotate nabe and a huge plate of yasai tempura. Yum...but super filling. Felt so serene in the jap place, jap food always got this calming effect. Just holding dear's hands there and lying in her arms, on her shoulders...very blissful.

The sun was too hot for sitting by the beach after that, so we just looked at some teens trying very hard to surf for a while, then took a cab back to Bedok to see if I can have a pair of specs made.

No mood for specs, weather too hot :(

Came home to have chilled barley water and watch the silly Chilli Gong Town show which is still so cute. As usual, we'll nap but my gastric is acting crazy again. Even the slightest turn to the side sets the pain in and I just give up...might as well get up to blog.

Since I have the wonderful wonderful new LCD, can swivel monitor from Philips! Thanks to meimei and BL, I don't have to suffer from looking at a blue screen anymore. Wee!

05/03/06 BEING APPRECIATIVE

2006-03-05T11:45:00.000+08:00

First of all, I thank all who had encouraged me. I hope any influence that I have created on anyone has been positive.

As much as I am still trying to accept whatever is going on, I'm deeply grateful for whatever I have now also. I realized and found some friends who always bothered to check if I'm ok, my family who gives me all their love and deardeer who always calls me her princess.

Felt the pain in my nerves yesterday afternoon when I was taking a nap with dear, and this morning the pain in the whole of my pelvis/hip bone woke me up. I'm a bit afraid because everytime I eat something or drink something, my gastric hurts. I'm quite afraid that the cancer will spread to the gastric :( The nausea is not so bad with this drug but the sickening thing is that I need to continue treatment this coming Thursday so there's no rest week for me so soon.

Good thing is, I can still hang out a bit during chemo week :) Yesterday, mummy, papa and dear accompanied me to Parkway Parade for a bit of shopping and snacks. We saw something funny.

I wonder how HOT is their air-cons?

Dear bringing me for a date at the beach today, while my parents go to the temple to pray. The weather seems good...I'm happy ^_^

03/03/06 HOPE?

2006-03-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

This is a very mentally painful period for me, I just seen Dr See yesterday and my chemo drug is changed again. Now I have chemo almost every week, only resting one week after every two weeks of chemo. The side effects this time is pain, similar to the first type of drug I used.

The pain has not come yet, is said to set in after the 3rd day of chemo. I remembered how it was like, all over my body...feels like someone's pulled out the raw nerves and rubbed them with both fingers to and fro. I don't know how to face it besides waiting for it to come and go, then again next week then again the following.

When I was sitting down on the chair with the tube in my arm yesterday, looking helplessly at the clock. Knowing that I will be connected to the bags of medicine through the tube for 1 and a half hours, drove me mad. I wanted to scream and jump out of the chair but I couldn't. It was extremely fustrating, so much so I contemplated death.

After the chemo, I went to see Dr See again. I needed to know where all these treatments are leading me to.

Me: What are the chances of my recovery?

Dr: Out of a hundred, about fifty will get to go into remission.

Me: Then how long does these fifty get to survive?

Dr: The cancer comes back after a few months after they go into remission, the survival span is around 1-2 years.

Me: That means I only have 1-2 years? I will not get to live past 30 years old? I'm only 25.

Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)

Me: Then how will I die?

Dr: Most will eventually suffer from kidney failure from the fluid build-up then go into a coma and die.

Me: Even dialysis will not help?

Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)

There was nothing I could ask anymore. All I could do was cry and that's what I do on and off since last night till now. My family is 100% supportive and Dear came over to lie beside me and watch me fall asleep before she went home.

I am thankful for everything I have. However, the thought of having such a short time to live and probably having to tolerate chemo during long periods of whatever life I have just scares me so much.

I thought the most beautiful part of my life just started, me and Dear finally managed to get together again. We have the financial ability to get a flat, live together and build a wonderful future, go travelling and see the world in each other's eyes. I wanted to take good care of my parents and give my mummy the best years an old lady can ever get. Now all these crumbles and seem so impossible.

01/03/06 MY 100th ENTRY

2006-03-01T00:36:00.000+08:00

This is the 100th entry of this blog.

Decided to wear my tri-diamond ring out today, first stone stands for my past, middle one is my present and the last diamond, hopefully it stands for a bright future. Waited for Deardeer at Great World City while she finishes lunch with family. Bought two pairs of white sandals at one go, I simply adore white footwear~

We looked at some furniture for my room, though deer is going sponsor my room's makeover, I still couldn't really decide what to do with it yet. Anyway, main purpose of going to Great World is for POSB to open deer's first fixed deposit account. Really proud of you darling, so li hai to manage to save so much within a year! *pat pat on the head*

Me and dear went to CK Tangs to do somemore shopping while waiting for Minling and Anna. I saw this really cute jacket! It's a bright shocking pink and all stiff...darn retro piece of work, but I wouldn't wear it anywhere...so warm. Sneakily took a snapshot of me wearing it.

Wannabe tai-tai

Went for marche dinner (at 4 plus in the afternoon?!) with Minling, Anna and Deardeer *full* Marche is not particularly yummy except for their 2004 Shiraz and beer, both which I can't have much. Shopped around a bit at Takashimaya before heading to PartyWorld Ktv to sing our hearts out.

TiongBahru Idol and her fan

Minling and Anna are really treasures from the school and the only real friends I got from there, super fun to hang out with! I couldn't bear to go home after listening to Min 'shout' out her crazy "Jive Talking" by Beegees.

Side-track abit, snacking on this really kawaii strawberry chocolate cone snack. There's a Cream Baby drinking milk and a Pink Baby eating strawberry! They both have choco ears!! So adorable!

Bursts of strawberry n choco flavour

They are sleeping inside the flap! *LOL*

28/02/06 A BIT OF THINKING

2006-02-28T10:39:00.000+08:00

Kept thinking about death recently, very 不吉利 I know. Can't help it, I may not feel work stress, study stress, relationship stress but I feel the pressure from Death and Sickness.

Last week, I was contemplating the major difference between dying young and dying old. You know, one of my greatest fear in life is 'loss'. The thought of losing a loved one totally freaks me out. My worst nightmares consisted of losing my parents, which is so thouroughly shattering it will just crash my entire world.

So if one dies young, one need not face one loss after another.

Okie, but if I die young, then the people around me have to deal with it.

So, both ways, dying old or dying young has good and bad points. There's no win-win situation. Thinking about that calms me down. Strange right.

Then yesterday, I thought of stuff like the good points of passing away. People often say things like the dead will bless the living and watch over them? I suppose one great point to be dead will be that? You can pull your living relatives out of accidents, save your pet dog from drowning, make sure your sister passes all her exams etc That's a whole load of advantages!

Maybe everyone should always keep a stack of lottery tickets so that if 'choy' *touchwood*, something happens...then he/she can bless that the tickets bring in a fortune!

What a whole load of morbid positivity I've typed.

27/02/06 NIGHT OF 15/2

2006-02-27T15:25:00.000+08:00

Continuation of " this " <---- click click Walked to Hotel 1929, the famous boutique hotel and it's award winning Restaurant Ember~ Cool place...just that it's quite small. Had a dessert wine, a pan-seared foie gras and basil banana crepe with ice-cream.

This time, the foie gras is GOOD. A very thin crispy layer of skin and when I cut into it, it's all melty and buttery inside. Instead of the weird smell I got the last time I ate at Zuko in Siglap, it's a very light oily fragrance with this piece of goose liver...definite YUM. A bit of sea salt was sprinkled on it and that really brought out the taste of the crispy skin.

Underneath the foie gras is some caramelized apple cubes, soft and sweet. Dear had an interesting dessert with Vanilla bean ice-cream (very rich vanilla flavour with specks of the real stuff!) Basil mixed into crepe batter then wrapped around bananas in caramel proved to be a successful combination! Only downside is the droplets of basil sauce around the dessert which Dear avoided carefully as they tasted too strong.

Are dessert wines suppose to be very small in amount? We were given a teeny weeny serving of sweet clear wine in a normal sized wine glass. LOL. Overall, food good but a lil on the pricey side.

After Ember, dear felt like having a bit of red wine and I remembered this little place near Club 95 which we walked past last time. It looks so beautiful I just gotta go in!!!

The right bottom corner is a picture of the exterior of the bar/cafe, my kind of place! Full of crippling greenery, so romantic~~ The 1st storey interior where we sat is the picture on the left bottom corner. They even have a feathered chandelier on the 2nd storey! I mean, a crystal chandelier is cool but one with white fluffy feathers is way way cool!

We enjoyed our spanish red wine (I could only have a few kiss-like sips as usual), cheese platter with carrot and celery sticks, and also pate which is also goose liver but canned. I definitely prefer foie gras to pate, the canned ones just don't do it for me. Oh yah, had loads of bread...dear even made me a ring with a slice of it. Proposal failed...cos I ate the ring ;P

27/02/06 EQUINOX II

2006-02-27T11:14:00.000+08:00

This morning is Ang Bao Opening ceremony. I happily chatted with papa while merticulously opening each and every of the ang baos I have put aside since the Chinese New year started. A freaking total of 700 plus!!! Tonight can have Shangrila le!!!

My monitor is spoilt also :( it turns a bluish tint whenever it feels like it, think will wait for IT show since meimei will be promoting Digital cam there, she might meet friends with good lobang! Meanwhile, anyone got monitor wanna donate to me? :(

Managed to eat a bit at Equinox high tea yesterday. Mummy wants to try so we went as a family of four without Dear and BL. It was a warm family outing! I'm gonna blog about yesterday but I haven't even blogged about last thursday and the wednesday night two weeks ago! LOLOL

We were slightly early so sat at Introbar for a short wait while papa finished up some of his accounting and phonecalls with colleagues.

Mummy and Papa at Introbar

Lift Lobby beaded decor, check out my matching shoes!

Basically, the food sucks...but the experience again ACED. Everyone loves the panaromic view, the decor and music of the place. Me and meimei like the boudior boudior toilet :p

In that toilet once again!

~Meimei relaxed~

Will I go back for the food again? Nah. Hmm...Maybe to the bar for a drink, got good promotions!

Dear waited for me at citylink TCC after her database class and I joined her swiftly after the high tea while parents went for ktv and meimei went home to sleep...kekeke. Bought some exfoliating mittens/gloves from bodyshop! Hope it helps to use them every shower to make my skin even smoother and fairer it will GLOW!

Watched Final Destination 3 as Dear found part 2 pretty good, quite dissapointing, as the plot of part 3 is weak and the grotesque scenes were so overly used, though I was still grossed out...it wasn't quite as scary anymore~chey.

25/02/06 ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY

2006-02-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

Had a super good dinner with my ex classmates from VJC on Saturday night. Imperial Nan Bei at Taka serves pretty good Peking duck and many other chinese cuisine. Most importantly, had a really good chat and great time with Pauline, Shihui and Xuanyin.

After dinner, continued to NYDC with Dear and Pauline and I had another Oven Baked rice after the heavy dinner! Think I was too greedy and crazy. Dear was really considerate and nice to me throughout the night and guess that scored a lot of points with my friends~ Pauline is too sweet to be true, she actually sent me home even though she lives in Hougang?! Hope she didn't get too spooked waiting the escalator late at night.

When I got home, my stomach felt a bit queasy and mummy was telling me to go puke if I still don't feel right. Was really struggling between bearing with the discomfort and relieving my gastric of its 'over'load. Gave in finally and threw up part of the oven baked rice that was causing the misery. Worse followed.

Because I worked the digestive system the opposite way it's suppose to behave, my intestines started to go haywire... everything started to go backwards, food gets churned into my gastric and so much air filled up my digestive system. An incredible amount of pain took over my abdomen for the next few hours since midnight. Meimei tried to comfort me but the pain was too much to bear and my parents woke up. They accompanied me through all the profuse vomitting and painful seizures to follow, all the way for 6 long hours till dawn.

I finally couldn't handle the torment, was kneeling over and crying almost all the time from the pain. My parents had been persuading me to go to the hospital and I eventually succumbed to the horrifying 6 hours of constant pain and their request.

The x ray showed that my intestines were bloated with air and stuck together due to the cancerous fluid in my abdomen. Was given jabs to curb the pain and vomitting, the jabs were burning :( After being pushed into the observation ward, mummy stood by my bed for hours till 9 plus in the morning until her legs were all sore and tired. 对不起，妈咪！

Dear bought porridge for me and came to fetch us home when I insisted on leaving the hospital. The pain came back soon and only totally subsided around 5p.m in the afternoon. I only have 7 good days and they are ending on Wednesday, now 2 is taken away by my own foolishness. Even got my whole family and dear into such tiring situations together :( Feel so bad, must really reflect now.

24/02/06 A REALLY GOOD START TO THE DAY

2006-02-24T14:32:00.000+08:00

Weather: Sunny and windy
Mood: Princess
Nails: Freshly painted in the morning a Milky Lavender

I have a 5 Star ratings service every single morning, it goes like this:

1. Mummy draw the room curtains to prevent the sun from getting into my eyes.

2. She asks if I'm cold and covers my feet (often exposed because my legs are so long! :p) with the blanket or helps me off the air-con.

3. Brings a glass of FRESHLY extracted mixed (usually a punch of beetroot, apples, pears and some other vegetable) juice and lets me drink it while still sitting on my bed!

4. If I want to snooze, I'm allowed to continue, if I feel like moving, I can play with Wawa The Princess' Dog or go over my neighbour Princess Meimei's room to play on the comp.

Why is mummy so fantastic to me? Definitely because I have cancer and suffers like hell for the treatments, because I might die in a few years' time, because I may need to suffer some more in future? I don't care...enjoy the love while I can. Wahahahhahaa, I love my mummy!

Meimei and BL bought me more Napoleon III Truffles from Prestat for me last night. *TOUCHED TO TEARS AND DROOL* Okie, we made a pact, no more buying of the most expensive, overpriced crazy chocs anymore. We agreed to just be contented with Royce in future.

Walked past Voxy nails in Taka last evening, their decor theme is Tulips!! Very pretty~~~ made me realise the shape of nails is actually similar to a tulips petals! No wonder I'm obsessed with both. Holland is having their annual flower fest and they have more than a thousand species of tulips alive and summoning me in their national garden in March. So sad I can't go travelling as yet :( Definitely next year~

Yesterday's dinner date at Ichiban in Wisma was fun. We got to sit in front of the sushi chefs and also the conveyor sushi belt. So many interesting sushi and mostly for $1.90! It's a great place and their staff got the prized service DNA in them. For eg. we took a plate of sushi off the belt and Dear commented : wah this one a lot of spring onions *frown* The chef in front of us promptly took that plate from us and cheerily said he's going to give us a new plate! Cool rite!

Went shopping and dear bought me some clothes which includes a very cute tube dress from Roxy! Loveeeeee it. Tried the gelatos from Gelatissimo outside Shaw Lido, quite unique flavours, definitely recommend the English Triffle or issit Tiffle Flavour.

Ended the night in Borders, Dear bought a book by an author she recently started to know about...somebody Hall. That's like the 20th book we have bought in the last few months??? Yikes, gotta curb the urge...time for the National Library.

23/02/06 LAST WEDNESDAY DAYTIME 15/2

2006-02-23T12:08:00.000+08:00

Super fruitful day. Feng darling took off that day to accompany me for a whole day before my treatment on Thursday, and also to continue the excitement of V day :p

Dad was on his way to work and mummy decided she wants a punky haircut at Marina square so I longbang their cab to meet Deardeer in SGH for my blood test first. Somehow, while crapping in the cab with mummy, we arrived at the conclusion that we should all alight at Bugis Junction. Deer came down to meet us at Chapter2 while papa went on to work after his lunch in Bugis.

Both Mummy and Deer had a haircut at Chapter2! Mummy was pushing me to get the hairdresser to trim my wig...layer it or something but I kinda like the current quirky french Amelie style. Makes me look surprised all the time! Proof:

I'm stunned by my own shot

Cool Cuts

So now everyone's happy :) Mummy went on to meet her friends while me and Deer started our one day adventure with my blood test at SGH NCC. She asked the nurse to use her cutie Sato Elephant plaster on my wound...sweet!

Went to this wig shop in Tanjong Pagar to try out different wigs for me after that. Very fun loh, so many styles! But a lot of them make me look like I stepped out from the 80's, there was one with a bit of A*Mei layered grunge, but it scratches the scalp so didn't manage to buy any in the end.

Walking leisurely in the afternoon sun along Tanjong Pagar towards Chinatown with Dear felt so good. I mean, everybody else is working but we're just out dating! Shiok.

We went to one of our favourite Wu Xiang stall in maxwell food market. We shared Sotong's favourite Fu Zhou Da Hao Bing (fried oyster cake) ...yummy yummy! By the way, this is one wu xiang stall that everyone must visit. Lean meat for the pink sausage, and the flat crispy egg thingy is the best in the world I think. The beehoon also so springy *boing boing*

One of the stairways to heaven

Okies, our snacks were indeed a bit too oily and sinful. Across the street is Dear's haunt during her school days. Can you guess where we went from the pictures?

Felt really serene and happy sitting there just lazing the late afternoon away sipping tea. With soft chinese classical music in the background, me and dear chatted about our love for classical music, eastern values and attitude towards happiness, interior decor, photography, our future, types of tea leaves, food, tea art, travelling etc

It was such a soothing and peaceful feeling when we simply pour tea for each other, hold hands and smile like lazy kittens.

难得悠闲

The below is actually two seperate pictures compiled to look like one. We really like the left one with the focal point on the rays shining thru the blinds and getting caught on the wall. When I stared at that spot in the picture for some time, actually feels transported back there again!

Stare at that shiny slit between the wall and the blinds

Was about to leave when I spotted a picture on the wall *stunned* Now I have eaten chocs for the queen, we drank tea for the queen too~~ LOLOLOL

The two bystanders look so ancient

Okiez this is all that happened in the Day of 15th Feb. Think I'll have to blog about what happened in the Night of 15th Feb another time. Today is the official start of my good week! I feel like I'm some character from a Greek Myth sometimes, 7 days of misery then 7 days of pure pleasure. Gotta get ready for another lovely date tonight anywayz, *kisskiss my bloggie goodbye*

22/02/06 COOL BL

2006-02-22T13:28:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to BL and meimei for what he did on V day, because I thought he is way cool that day manz! Way to go!

Meimei and BL were bored of the routine relationship for a while before V day I think. Well, they could go bungee jumping together, clean up our Singapore River, make a speech at our Speakers' Corner, cross-dress, make a movie, plan a full blast terrorist attack on TP and embark on lots of other similar interesting activities that couples usually do, but they didn't. They chose to take a break.

Anyway, when meimei was out for tuition that fateful day, the doorbell rang. BL was at the door with a bouquet of red roses. (half blooms, meaning it was bought that actual day fresh!) My first reaction (mentally unspoken) was , "wah crazy, buy roses on V day...waste money idiot." BL looked sick and pale, scary...

THE MAGIC ROSES

Ok so when meimei came home, the smile on her face when she saw the roses told me maybe BL is not such a money-wasting idiot afterall. There was a card in the bouquet that along with a casual short message, the address of a website he created for her. *struggling to control my fingers from typing out the URL* arrggghhh

The website so #$%^&*&^%$#@! touching me and meimei started to tear when we read it and saw the pictures. There was a link to a game in the website and the start of the game(with the picture of a cutie running stickman) says something like : Go to the Econ Minimart behind your house and ask the uncle for the latest cake. Oh my gosh! BL actually went to ba gak with some stranger uncle working in the econ minimart!? I could not believe it, so !#$^&*^%& innovative and cute loh!!!!!!!

Meimei was naturally so elated she hopped up from the seat and skipped her way downstairs to the suave, unshaved, swan-brand singlet n thongs (slippers not the underwear kind) clad econ minimart uncle. She came home with a box of PRESTAT!!!

THE MAGIC BOX

I was drooling when I saw the box. LOL. 2nd time I'm going to eat chocs for the Queen! Yeah! meimei opened the box and there's all the lovely candy. Luckily don't have the dusted truffles I like inside or that box is a goner. They were organic though...happening.

OBJECTS OF DESIRE

There was another card with it that lead meimei to check her hotmail. She received a sweetest and most touching ecard with music of " I wanna hold your hand" from our fave bo liao show 贫穷贵公子!!! There were instructions that points her to the secret spot outside my house near the shoe cabinet where a surprise parcel was hidden!!! *excited* It was one big game with surprises one after another for meimei, she was such a happy baby that whole period~

No, it was not BL himself acting as a surprise present hiding in the secret parcel behind our shoe cabinet. It was something super adorable, useable and pink! A pair of cheery pink piggy speakers!!! Think meimei spotted them on some website some time ago, she got this "I'm-a-happy-princess" look on her face while I ooooh and aaaah overthe pair of pigs, their curly tails can be used to adjust sound volume!

WE ARE THE PIGS! *OINK*

Everybody in the family was happy and touched, even Wawa...she's so happy and we can really tell. See...

I'm happy when I get to eat winnie's nose

21/02/06 RANDOM THOUGHTS

2006-02-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Deardeer got dinner appointment tonight so she's not over at my place. Parents went out to sing and meimei is forever so superb to keep me company at home. We had a mental struggle whether to head out for Gelare waffles since it's Tuesday (half-priced waffles!) but chucked the idea, I wasn't well enough to leave the house.

Got so many fashion magazines in my living room! Dug out all the Her World, Cleo etc and started sorting out food recipes, restaurant reviews and travel reviews. Tore those pages out and filed them. Great fun but quite tiring......gosh, now reading magazines' tiring for me?! I'm becoming a sloth?!!

Mummy just bought this super delicious springy stir fry mee sua wrapped in golden omelette!! Me and meimei was so excited at the sight of it, it was in our stomachs in less than 10 minutes. I totally cleaned out the box it came with.

Anyway I was going to complain a bit about my nightmarish week. I thought the side effects will finally wear out yesterday but turned out last night was my worst night. Had this seizure thingy with my tummy and intestines, was so painful I was rolling about in my bed all the way till 4 plus in the morning. PURE TORTURE.

Ok, enough of complaints. I want to blog about what BL did for meimei on V day! It touched both of us to tears...*sobz* I also want to blog about 15th Feb! The wonderful 15th Feb ^_^ Maybe tomorrow...hee!

21/02/06 WAY OVERDUE POST ON V DAY

2006-02-21T11:18:00.000+08:00

I have so many pictures to post!!! Wanted to make it a special V day for Deardeer so decided to cook V day dinner...heehee. First the ingredients!

I bought 3 different kinds of fresh mushrooms, portobello, brown button and white! Farfalle~~~which is the butterfly/bowtie shaped pasta, Carbonara sauce made from bacon bits, egg, cream, cheese and onion...yum yum! Parmesan cheese is a must, and not forgetting Italian herb flakes!

It's really simple to cook actually. I boiled the pasta till its Q Q then soak it in ice water, drain it and sprinkle with lots of herbs for the flavour to soak in.

They look so cute!

I cut the fresh mushrooms into slices, some into quarters thus umbrella and heart shaped, some of the brown buttons are small so left them alone :p The sauce and mushrooms must be boiled slowly together so they taste extra yummy!

Simmering into the loveliest sauce!

Lastly I just tossed the creamy sauce with the pasta, then sprinkle lots n lots of parmesan cheese on top. Packed the results into 2 transparent boxes, one for deardeer and me, one for mummy and papa. Booked movie tickets for them at Tampines mall, hee! So they had a Valentine's Day dinner that I prepared too~!

The way Deardeer ate our dinner was pretty ravenous, so no scary pictures to show ;P

Met her outside Starbucks at PS that evening in her favourite pink sequinned woolly bare-backed top.

My wig looks weird hoh?

After juice and dinner at Starbucks, we went to pick up tickets for BrokeBack Mountain, and she bought me Godiva Chocs! After Prestat, I'm finally trying Godiva! Ok, actually I only like dusted truffles but I still picked some waxy feel ones just to see if they are any good.

Happy me and Godiva!

There were many more pictures of me devouring the chocolates and also whipped cream from Gelare, but in order not to 破坏形象, I decided against posting them up.

Brokeback Mountain is pretty touching as it focuses on the topic love and gender orientation acceptance. The last part about the shirts made me cry :( Overall, movie date was romantic and intimate.

Deardeer was super sweet the whole night, maybe because I was wearing her fave top? Or is it because I was all pink and demure? (pink eyeshadow, pink blusher, pink lipgloss, pink top, pink nailpolish...pink monster) Definitely because you're always super sweet. ^_^

20/02/06 RAFFLES THE PLAZA DAY 3

2006-02-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

I woke up excited thinking what we can eat for breakfast buffet. Since Tong said we are the kind of vegetarians that can take by-products like eggs, I was soooo happy!!! Luckily Mummy brought me clothes to change out of the day before, otherwise I'll be having breakfast in my dress again ;P

Look at the food! Besides having a dozen kinds of bread, buns and muffins to choose from, I had cream with mushrooms, cinnamon buns with lemon butter, scrambled eggs, giant asparagus, bell pepper, mushroom cheese omelettes, fresh fruits and juices. They even had this honeycomb dripping with fresh honey onto white plates!!! That's the middle photo at the second row.

Hmm...I had french butter plus maple syrup with pancakes and waffles too. The last picture shows you how to eat butter with waffles the Niki Angela way. Basically you spread the butter across the waffle and fill up every single hole with it, then fold it into half and give it a sinful bite so all the butter oozes out and fills your mouth. Try it, made my day.

We checked out around 5 p.m, mummy and papa were on the way home from praying at the temple in River Valley so offered to pick us up from the hotel lobby. Managed to grab some truffles from Prestat before meeting them! Finally managed to try the preferred Chocs of the British Queen! *glee*

Okies, that's 12th Feb 2006, end of 3 Days Raffles The Plaza for me. One of the most fruitful weekends ever. ^_^

20/02/06 REVIVAL

2006-02-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

I'm finally alive again. Think my body is getting weaker, Dr See had to prescribe me this really expensive drug to take to curb the vomitting. This time round, my body feels so drained.

For the past five days, I couldn't walk properly, couldn't talk properly, I couldn't even bring myself to sit up right in the living room to watch the TV :(

Anyway, now looking at the rows of holes on the veins in my arms sickens me, I'm kinda getting a huge attack of needle phobia. Wish me good luck in facing the treatments next week.

15/02/06 EXHILERATING DAY

2006-02-15T01:25:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh, I still haven't got to my Raffles The plaza Day 3...which is oh so important to me! And yet I have such an incredible day to blog about which is today! The story of meimei and BL today is absolutely amazing, how me and Dear spent V day, my Prestat and Godiva Chocs, the Italian stuff I cooked for our dinner tonight, the exquisite Brokeback Mountain......How to find time to start recording all these?!

Tomorrow is another day packed with fun, I won't have time. Then Thursday is my chemo and then I'll be so sick for a week. I could blog and start putting my memories down in black and white, but actually all I wanna do is lovey dovey on the phone. So there, see you soon my blog.

14/02/06 TODAY

2006-02-14T12:14:00.000+08:00

keke, been recording the weekend's hotel stay but cannot forget about the real today! Last night, while dear tried to make Papa's work easier using IT, and she was great! Kept trying till almost 1am then go home. Love you darling. Feel like giving a surprise to Deardeer for being such a gem over the weekend, but I'm feeling a bit lazy piggy today.

Tong talked about steamboat today but our timing cannot match because the sexy, intimate movie date is at 8.30pm~ I'm wondering how our 罗曼蒂克 dinner tonight will be, hee! *excited*

And tomorrow! She's taking a whole day off tomorrow to play with me! Of course, I gotta have my blood test done in the morning first, but the rest of the day will be so superb~ I just know it.

14/02/06 RAFFLES THE PLAZA DAY 2

2006-02-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

Pulled ourselves unwillingly out of bed and went for buffet breakfast by the pool! Before that, I took some pictures from my balcony of really big size ang mohs eating by the pool, hopefully that serves as a warning for me not to eat too much...didn't work.

How Big All Of You Are!

The food was unimpressive so we headed back to The Market Cafe for breakfast, what a right choice manz! So much stuff to eat! Yummy.

I wore my green n pink stipe dress and ski cap for breakfast and somehow keep feeling I look like one of Santa's hardworking elves. The fresh fruit juice station chef refused to believe I'm Singaporean, guess I should have told him I'm from Santa's workshop in Finland.

Went back to the room to totally nua, cuddle, orh orh, and best of all bubble time! I love bathtubs, better still if the tub has legs, better still if it's a large square jacuzzi type of tub *dreams on*

Ros is usually worn out at work so she sleeps alot in the afternoon whenever there's a chance. That day we communicated and agreed that whenever she's going to drift off to dreamland, she will try to pat me to sleep first in case I stay awake and eventually dies of boredom. I'm not someone who can just go to sleep easily, even at night I gotta be coaxed to go to bed usually :( Of course unless it's chemo week, then I will force my body to sleep cos that shuts off the side effects a lil.

Anyway, we had so much fun in the bathroom soaking in hot bubble baths, jumping in and out of the rain shower pretending it's raining. I can't walk in real rain anymore because I fall sick easily now. This rain shower reminds me of a certain New Year's day donkey years ago I spent in dear's Serangoon Garden house, was using the same shower style that morning. Really like it as it's right above the head and water droplets pour down on the body vertically just like real drizzles.

Crazy Bubble Time

I tried to create the sweet gal in ear muffs look for Dear and faun look for myself, success! It was so funny when Deardeer made a beard, wahahahahahahaha. *obsessed with my nails.* Day 1 nails were dark red and Day 2 were a bright fuschia~

The quilt, bed, pillows and everything is simply so comfortable I couldn't bear to leave at check-out time. Dear extended one more night in the hotel for us, and we got the kind of room we had few years back!

Comfy!

Mummy n Papa visited us for a while to bring me more liang teh and organic apples, and nua in the room while we met up friends for dinner. Went to Curry Favor but this time round, didn't enjoy the food so much le...maybe cos it's the third time, no 新鲜感 already! Swap poor thing, had sorethroat then couldn't eat any of the side dishes at all! She only had stewed beef with rice but couldn't finish it also.

Tulip from the gals!

I finally got to see the famous 四川变脸绝技 live at Raffles City! Friends came over to the room to watch TV and play bridge. When Tong they all went off to look at fireworks, we stayed at the balcony and looked at fireworks' reflections off a super shiny building behind the HSBC building! Super innovative and crazy way to admire fireworks...wahahhahaa. I tried to take pictures of the reflection but my hands were shaky from laughing and so the picture quality not very good, paiseh.

Green and Red Fireworks' Reflection

Had a really good sleep that night, maybe the room fengshui better, maybe it's the beautiful tulip the gals bought for me, maybe Dear was super romantic and sweet, maybe it's the constant bossa nova music she prepared for me that fills up the room, maybe it's all the laughing and love, maybe I was just tired :p

13/02/06 RAFFLES THE PLAZA DAY 1

2006-02-13T15:45:00.000+08:00

I adore this hotel. First got to stay there through Pearlyn who works in its neighbour Swissotel The Stamford, she recommended Raffles The Plaza for our New Year Countdown few years back. Had loads of fun there, and always remember that Heavenly Bed~~ Heard Ritz Carlton also have a signature Feather Bed Experience but only in their suites...tao yan.

Checked in with Dear, mummy and meimei on Friday afternoon. Mummy help me keep all her liang teh in the fridge, ate a bit of the club sandwich we ordered through room service, had a long long hot bath. Meimei and me bounced on the bed while Dear read her book, she too had a quick hot bath before going shopping with mummy then heading home. She was so sweet, made time to join me for a while then accompanied mummy to give me n Ros some more private time.

We love to pose!

I'm was quite taken aback by the size and shape of the room, we were given a free upgrade to the Premier Grand Room, that has two balconies and a walk-in wardrobe. Very grand loh, but I feel slightly odd in that long long room. Anyway, I started connecting with my favourite thing in any hotel room very soon....the bathtub!

What Lies Beneath.

This pic reminds me of a horror movie, lol.

Had a super satisfying dinner at The Market Cafe, it was international/local/peranakan stylebuffet. They have so much variety and 80% of the food was super nicely cooked. I took so many pictures I will probably crash my own blog if I post them one by one so did some work last night and compiled them together!

Cooked food and Salads

There were four salad stations and numerous cooked food sections and 2 dessert tables.

Dessert!

Some close-ups and my choc fountain fondue

I wanted to blog so much about this dinner but there's really too much to say. *gives up*

We carried our heavy heavy stomachs and took a stroll before returning to the room. Felt very good, with the night breeze in our faces and my hand in hers.

Charming Feng

Silly Me!

13/02/06 AMUSED BY V DAY

2006-02-13T12:05:00.000+08:00

I was documenting my 3 days 2 nights at Raffles The Plaza when I realise there are so many things and pictures I want to record, it's going to take a long time! LOL...just compiling my pictures of food is a lot of work but so fun. Think I'll need another day to be able to finish all my recording. I love to blog! It's like a chance to totally recollect whatever happened and relishing every single bit of the happiness all over again. Mmmmm....*smiles with eyes closed*

Anyway, Valentine's day is round the corner and as I flipped the papers or watched the news, I can't help but feel so amused! Businessmen wastes no time to take advantage of this lovely notion of V day to squeeze money out of couples' pockets! Exorbitant price tags on dinners during Christmas, New Years and then now V day when it's not even a public holiday? Then hotel packages up by folds as well tomorrow.

Why are Singaporeans suckers? Are they so insecure about relationships they have to use twice the amount of money to celebrate LOVE which could be celebrated any day and any way? Any girl remotely romantic should laugh out loud if her lover presents her with the cliche bouquet of flowers on V day itself. Laugh out loud to hide the insanity or stupidity of the act.

Other gifts maybe, like a travel trip to Europe or some item which the price is not intentionally hiked up to extortional proportions. I present the most intimate, private, romantic, usual-priced way to spend V day outside the home.....A Movie! Of course we should not spend V day at home. Wouldn't it be fun just to go out and laugh at stupid men who bought roses for their girlfriends? I can't wait to just jump out on the streets tomorrow and giggle at the sight of silly Singaporean men.

Okiez, back to the movies. Pick a movie with love in it of course. Please don't bring your girlfriend to watch police-catch-thief, Jet Li- punch- men-to-death, kids-fight-with-parents, gross-dead-in-fog kind of show on V day. I suggest Brokeback Mountain, Match point or Walk The Line.

I will definitely watch BB mountain, how can anyone miss a Lee Ang?! It's got a sad ending though, but a beautiful process of love, like most gay movies *sigh* I was considering Match Point because it's by Woody Allen the genius. Paiseh to say that I've not exactly watched in full any Woody Allen's movies, so it's one of the things I must quickly do before I leave this world. As for Walk The Line, some of it's posters featuring Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix really attracts me. This black and white, music, drugs, love mood thingy...very tempting.

10/02/06 SLEPT CRYING N WOKE UP GIGGLING

2006-02-10T09:21:00.000+08:00

After I took my last dose of Xeloda for this week yesterday night, felt slightly depressed again. The scenerio of me lying on a hospital bed with my family around me keeps flashing across my mind. Involuntarily, the thought of death kept haunting me. Then I was already saying my last words in the scene. Told BL to take good care of my meimei and my parents not to quarrel with each other. That's when I realise whatever I say to Deardeer will be in vain.

My parents will have each other, meimei will have BL so I can 放心 about them. They will go home with a shoulder to cry on at least. But my Deardeer. I'm so afraid to leave her alone. I mean, if I'm really dead and gone Feng, you know it will probably be like in that book, my molecules go into the air and earth after incineration. Part of me will be floating above you in the clouds or in the rivers or as nutrients to some flowers. Most likely, I won't feel a thing as I join God, after the final ordeal is done. I started to cry and cry non-stop when I tried to imagine how she is going to cope with life alone and all the pain she will feel inside when I say goodbye.

It was then a renewed determination to fight on burned in me. I just sat up in bed, with tears rolling down my face and started psycho-ing my body that it MUST start to 振作起来. I don't know how on earth it is going to do that, but I'm adamant not to let Feng be sad. So, started all the chanting of all the chants that people around me has bugged me to chant, my own theory of talking to my body etc...

Until I was hungry. Walked to the living room to grab a handful of pistachios, started shelling and munching. Very soon, I guessed I just forgot about the initial sadness and drifted to sleep. So piggy right. *hai*

----------Morning-----------

Woke up with a vigour to enjoy my day. Yeah!!!!!!! This week no more Xeloda to take!!! I gulped mouthfuls and mouthfuls of plain water happily. Finally no need to worry about vomitting when I drink water! I was simply estatic from being able to drink lots of plain water...a bit xiao liao.

Called Feng and she decided to not work today so she can pack and prepare for our hotel stay~

Me: I also called the school and say I not teaching today le.

Feng: Then the students cry how?

Me: Kick their buttocks loh, then if the parents complain...

Feng: Slap their faces.

Us: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: Yah, if they dare complain, I'll make them queue up at my house and give each one a slap on the face. Must take pictures and paste on my blog as a warning to them.

Delightful! But of course, bo liao. I on hospitalisation leave already what, no need work everyday anyway.

I wanna watch the stupid ji ji bom bom comedy show tonight and Feng promise to sing along to amuse me le, kekeke.

Meimei is soooooooo wonderful, she sacrifice her tuition responsibility and pay for one day for me! for me! for me! *sings to a self-composed tune* It will be so fun today bouncing on the hotel bed with her then taking turns to have a hot bath. Yeeeaah, I'm a happy girl.

09/02/06 I ATE SIGLAP

2006-02-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

*LOUD Laughter* My ambition yesterday was to eat the whole of Siglap up. Meimei so nice invite me to TP to watch singing competition and vote for the singers. Her friends quite fun, all the good looking people *stress*. I was thinking the competitors on the stage must be looking at us and feeling relieved in their hearts: At least I got a good voice! This world is so cruel!

Okiez, enough of crap. When Feng was off work, I swiftly made my way out of TP and went to Siglap with her on my mission! Remembered my favourite SuperStar Carebear did a show in this restaurant that sells foie gras somewhere along Siglap (East Coast Road). In my 25 years of eating, I have not tasted a lot of food and French is one big mystery to me.

I always thought French food is expensive, pretentious and small in portion. Now with all the free time I have to surf about food, I am yet so tempted to try more!! So there, went to this Zuko restaurant last night and tried my first piece of foie gras. I thought it was suppose to be all buttery, fatty, tender, melt-in-the-mouth soft but no leh, just a bit soft with a light weird smell. Disappointing one. *sulks*

The Portebello mushroom salad with Balsamic dressing was fantastic though. Waaah when I bit into the sour sauce soaked fat mushroom flesh, love it. Me and Feng eyed the last piece of mushroom and we finally decided to share it, hee.

There were so many write-ups from magazines for this small restaurant pasted on its window, but how come the foie gras taste like that?? Is it the chef no good? Is it the liver not fresh? Or is it really suppose to taste 'just like that'? I was so tempted to make a trip down to the award winning Ember Restaurant in Hotel 1929 straight after Zuko and Feng so sweetly agreed to accompany me.

Ubuh then again, with no reservations, we decided not to. Soldier on to conquer Siglap!

Bought a Shepherd's Pie from the famous Pie Factory (it's actually a shop not a real big factory thing), and it was yummy but maybe partly due to the msg bah :p At least it filled up our tummy a bit before we continue to explore other eateries.

Walked on and on and saw so many restaurants, japanese, vietnamese, american, thai etc... some we tried, some we were just not interested in. Right At the very very end of the whole road is a cheesecake cafe and beside it, we found The Liquid Kitchen that sells escargots! Yeah!

We like the place so much. Got alfresco area, got air-conditioned smoking area and also non-smoking dining area in the inner hall! There was even a hip and cool futuristic section upstairs but it was not open last night. The menu so interesting, they even have ice-cream alcoholic cocktails. We bounced ourselves on the plush cushion chairs (even the menus were cushioned) and started to totally enjoy The Liquid Kitchen experience.

In order to avoid overloading of pictures again, I did some work and viola! Nice compositions hoh? :p

We sat in the area in the left picture and the middle one is how the place looks like from the outside. They played acid jazz most of the time, which I like~~~~ Me and Feng felt so comfortable at that place because there were basically no other tables occupied in the non-smoking area, everyone else seems to smoke ... duh. Anyway, we were so at ease, crapping and laughing so loudly, it was so fun!!! Can't wait for Raffles The Plaza night to come, thinking about the smiling to sleep part and wrinkled face in the morning crap just makes me smile to myself.

We had half a dozen escargots with very nice mash potato underneath and a bunch of vege 'planted' on top. Feng joked that it looks like the snails are crawling around in a garden. The escargots were ok, but I think more cheese melted into the shells will make the dish better. It was a tad dry.

Then we spotted Feng's favourite Chorizo sausage! When it came, we were a bit taken aback cos we only used to have super dried chorizos as sides to red wine. What was served was plump sausage slices swimming in tomato sauce. It was very nice though, hahahaha no complains.

Dessert was banana bread with cashew nut banana ice-cream! The ice-cream was GOOD. The cripsy thing on top of it failed. We had a glass of red wine too, though I was only allowed baby sips that barely wet my lips, okie...I was satisfied, better than none right!

Anyone knows where got very very good foie gras??

09/02/06 WAWA BABY MOOCHY POOCHY

2006-02-09T11:45:00.000+08:00

Wawa piak piak piak lao sai a few times yesterday and appeared so lifeless way into the night. She slept like a weak and sick baby under her blanket. Was so worried I cried late in the night while my mum tried to feed her water.
Today, she's finally walking around briskly again :) Me and meimei promises never never to let Wawa Baby try chocolate again.
Never knew how much I cherish Wawa until the threat of losing her occurs.

08/02/06 PHOTOS GALORE

2006-02-08T10:34:00.000+08:00

The only reason why I'm keeping this picture is because I like this tube top so much. My ideal kind of top, pink and a bit translucent with nice details.

We thought Jet Li's expression looks slightly tickled?

These pictures were taken last Thursday before my chemo actually, went to GV to catch "Fun With Dick And Jane" after having dinner at Curry Favor again! Halfway through chatting during dinner, I starting tearing. Dear was just talking about going to Hongkong and some other countries together, I really anticipate travelling together too but fear was stirred when I thought of my condition. Needed a comedy to relief some stress.

By the way, before Curry Favor I bought this Orange and Lavendar Ice-cream from this outlet inside CityLink. It's really really good, got little bits of orange peel and lavendar flowers in it! Eat le very soothing and comforting loh!

Mummy spent so much time to prepare a wonderful birthday dinner for Papa last night. With the fresh flowers, fruits and all the yummy yummy food that was finished right to the last bit.

It's a spread!

There's the usual Yu Sheng on the far right corner and also home-made purple cabbage and apple salad on the far left corner. We used abalone freshly sliced, the right bottom corner, to add into the Yu Sheng! Shiok ah! I was so happy...love abalone. Mummy is very proud of the steamed fish as it was a super super fresh 红斑 fish. Totally no fishy smell at all, my favourite fish cheek flesh was so tender white and yet bouncy.

That's my favourite 咕噜肉 inside the yam ring. I can imagine myself biting into the sweet and sour sauce coated fried pork as I happily type away here. Far right corner is another dish mummy and Dear loved, 三杯田鸡。 Mummy didn't cook that, she got it from a stall near our house which uses the live 田鸡s that she picked, thus she was extremely satisfied with the freshness also. Yeah, it was so full of flavour, 3 different kind of sauces and a hint of chinese wine for the gravy.

Far left corner is the spicy sour soup we always have during new year~ We just kept lapping up the soup and scooping all the vegetable into our bowls. I love the sensation when I mashed up the vege in my mouth and all the lovely soup that was soaked up into the vege just squish out and fill up the whole palate. Waaaaaaahhh, that basically makes the meal so complete.

After dinner, we allowed Papa to sing as much ktv as he wants while we played a bit of mahjong to pass time， digesting our food to make space for birthday cake later. Won all of them at mahjong again~~ luckily I had enough sleep the night before.

The usual singing, birthday wish making and photograph taking took place at about 10p.m. Wawa was unusually active and running around, guess even she is affected by all the happy energy in the house!

郎才女貌

Meimei ordered this sinful chocolate fudge cake from a cool looking shop that only bakes chocolate and supplies cafes with cakes. It was good, even BL who hates chocolate finished the sponge part though he really couldn't bring himself to swallow the fudge, I naturally helped him...being the kind chocolate soul I am.

Honestly, I totally enjoyed the chocolate while eating it but it proved to be a bit too intense for me to digest after some time. It will be a long time before I touch another chocolate cake.

Had so much fun last night I couldn't fall asleep until about 4a.m then I had a bad dream about meimei and BL being rebellious and smoking and making me so angry in the dream all the way till 9 plus in the morning. When Dear called me on the way to work, I was still blur and thought she was calling me in my dreams to listen to me cry and complain.

In between the insomnia and nightmare, I also managed to have an imaginary conversation with God. The details are a secret.

Meimei just called me and invited me to TP for some competition event she got tickets for. She's fetching me around 5pm...hope I won't be too weak to last through the fun. Yeah~~ Sometimes I feel this blog of mine doubles up as a photo album. Photographs are part of my documentation project since Casio Exlim entered my life anyway. I love my white camera..just look at this meego of mine.

I'm a Princess!

07/02/06 RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

2006-02-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

I seem to be recovering more slowly from chemo than the last few times. Usually by the 5th day, I'm almost totally alive. However, this morning after taking my usual dose of Xeloda, I still felt so sick and cold I had to hide under my sheets and whine.

Now I'm feeling better, till the next dosage tonight I guess.

Dear just told me I fill her heart to the brim. *BLISS*

Spent the afternoon plucking petals out from dried chrysanthemum with mummy. We just sat on the couch, watched tv and our hands work non-stop at the flowers. Now my fingers has a light floral scent, nice.

Was contemplating with her how nice it is to be a housewife, and mummy says I should get a super singles bed as me and Feng won't occupy much space. How big is a super singles mattress? Then gotta change bed :( I love my bed, it's got lots of storage space underneath for my clothes.

Mummy boiled some huge stalked cabbage looking vege with asam and pork, super appetizing sourish soup. The kind I always drink during Chinese New Year but usually stewed with duck. I had two half-bowls just now and added extra vinegar in the second!

It's Papa's birthday celebration at home tonight. Mummy says she's getting Yam ring, gu lou yok (sweet n sour pork), sis ordered a super good chocolate cake. I feel like eating Yu sheng, haven't had any yet since CNY started.

06/02/06 YEAH

2006-02-06T18:19:00.000+08:00

I'm finally able to swallow some real food without throwing up.
Cheers.

03/02/06 THE STRUGGLE

2006-02-03T16:12:00.000+08:00

It's going to be 人日初七 soon, brings me back to several years ago when me and Ros bought a pack of 鱼生 from 翡翠 at Taka and 捞起 with Tong at Coffee Bean in building beside the former Paragon, think it's call the Promenade or something.

I keep thinking of the coming good week. This is sort of the only way I can struggle through these few days. Ros is so sweet, bought me subway during her lunch time and delivered to the hospital to accompany me during her lunchtime. Thank you darling.

The worst side effects will probably hit me starting from tonight. Right now I feel feverish, hot, extremely dry at the throat and eyes. It's the anti-diarrhea injection, that's the side effects it causes.

Just had a sudden urge to throw up, my gastric overturned itself and I ran for the bin. Nothing came out. That's the side effects of the anti-nausea injection, attempts to block anything from coming out so there's this constant nausea and cramping of the gastric but few vomit.

Strange right? In order to curb the side effects of the chemotherapy, other side effects arises from the medication that curb original discomfort. There's no way out except to struggle through it. The growths are at my left lower abdomen now, probably pressing on the intestines as well. Hopefully this drug and all the love I have will convert them into good cells instead of staying cancerous and invasive.

I'll try to read a bit of the book "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night- Time" Minling passed to me. It's about an interesting point of view from the eyes and thoughts of an autistic boy.

Will try to focus on next week's activities also. Raffles The Plaza...here I come, wait up.

02/02/06 ONE DAY MORE TO PLAY

2006-02-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

CA125 increased by around 2 points, now it's 86.9 I think. Dr See scheduled chemo for me tomorrow because lots of patients who were suppose to receive treatment on Mon and Tue were pushed to be treated today. Thus I gave up my slot today, that sort of disturbed the original plan to celebrate papa's birthday next Wednesday. Never mind, tonight celebrate also can :)

Chris kept asking me over msn why I always so busy. I can't tell her I'm not meeting up with her and Fort because I'm sick and got no hair. I just don't feel safe and secure enough to let them know yet. Don't know...hai , so many things I don't know nowadays.

Gotta start looking for a place for 6 of us to dine tonight. All the chinese restaurants are holding those New Year packages which has lots of dishes I can't eat, chicken...seafood etc. Maybe international buffet will suit everyone's taste. Maybe We'll just celebrate at home next week, hahaha, can't stand my indecisiveness.

The trips to NCC has been so longlasting and frequent, the nurses there recognise both me and mummy le. They will ask for mummy when they see me and one even noticed she has a new pink bag. Never imagined one day I will be so familiar with the hospital, to a point the nurses and admin staff knows me. Quite an undesirable kind of familiarity but gotta be thankful that at least they are friendly and nice people!

I'm so touched I wanna cry, Faith and Jiemei actually offered to go vegetarian together with Ros on the 1st and 15th of the lunar calendar. Somehow this cancer though brought me immense fear and physical torture every two weeks, along with it come so many unexpected surprises.

I used to pray for weight loss, mummy to be gentle, papa to quit gambling, meimei to be sweet, a love whom I know is for sure, friends who stick by me and whom I can always count on. All these which once seemed almost impossible to realise altogether at once, came true. What more can a girl ask for?

02/02/06 MY DRAMATIC LIFE

2006-02-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

Today is chemo 1b. Another 7 treatments to survive and struggle through if this drug works. Just received some information from Tong and feel that my life is so dramatic suddenly. My fate is so dramatized I could have been a movie star!

Movie Star: Thank you my fans for all the flowers! *waves and smiles* :p

Went for blood test at NCC with mummy yesterday then we shopped around Taka while waiting for Ros to come over after work and pay for a bag that mummy likes. The part on my arm where my blood was drawn was a bit swollen, so Ros protected the wound with her favourite elephant plaster! My favourite is the pinkie girl elephant~

~We protect a sexy arm~

It's our favourite Fei Cui Xiao Long Bao time! Mummy joined us for dinner, we tried the new Hotplate Xiao Long Bao, it was a really awful dish. The small baos just stuck to the hotplate and the skin tears even if you attempt to scoop it up with a spoon. In the end we ordered another plate of steamed one, the type that comes with the bamboo steamer.

I was very happy last night, cos I was wearing my new short little white skirt! Bought it some time ago from The Island Shop but forgot about it, so when I found it yesterday...yeah! Ros like it too~

Mummy shows off her new bag. We got matching sandals!

Tong mentioned that her boss calculated that Ros' 8zi ke mine, yikes. I just hope I don't ke her back can le :) There's no exact path in this life to take I feel. It's all 因果循环 like most say I suppose, if what must come will come then it's all a matter of acceptance.

We make a great pair really, movie star and bodyguard. Waahahahahaa!

I've never suffered like how I'm suffering now after treatments and stuff, physically and emotionally. But yet again, I've never enjoyed and be as loved and happy ever, before all these suffering started.

Tong is so concern about me, I feel like crying. I'm so worried about believing all the more supernatural beliefs because does it mean I'm going to die once I doubt it? Or what if I still die? Am I going to question, "alamak, how come I believe and do whatever neccessary le still die young?"

Kekeke, honestly, I don't know. I only know I'm extremely lucky and touched to have Tong as a friend and whatever she wants me to do, I'll try my best.

By the way, my tulips closed on their own at night again! It's rather fun to watch them day in and out. Wawa's always curious about bouquets also. The blooms are starting to close up like little balls of purple.

No I'm not trying to eat the flowers

Tulips are so shy looking, yet simple and elegantly beautiful. Six even petals to one bloom, perfect. White tulips for my wedding definitely!

Watched Fearless 霍元甲 the movie last night at Cineleisure, quite a good movie by Jet Li. Wanted to take a picture with his poster in the lift but there were so many people constantly it seemed impossible. Kind of like the preachings in the show, very got 正气。

01/02/06 GATHERING AT MY HOUSE

2006-02-01T14:33:00.000+08:00

Chatted with Deardeer on the phone till almost 4 a.m in the morning, then couldn't fall alseep at all for the whole night. Finally slept a lil more than 2 hours and she called to wake me up for breakfast again. Hee, rushed out of the house to meet Deer at Bedok Interchange for McDonald's big breakfast and hotcakes!

Sunshine breakfast

I saw one of my ex students, sneakily captured a picture of him, heng my camera's zoom quite powerful! He's a cute plump lil boy who has learning difficulties and is slightly autistic. Brought me back to scenes in school where I have lots of contact with young children, kinda miss being around them. All super innocent and cute thought sometimes neck wrangling, head boggling and nerve wrecking, still cute...heee.

That's him!

They don't make happy meal boxes like they did when I was young! Last time, there were lots of games, riddles and puzzles all over the boxes and it was fun solving them! the whole box was literally my toy throughout every mcdonald's meal. Now they only have a stupid box with colourful pictures.And the toy this time is a stupid plastic dog that does nothing except play an awful irritating tune when you press its ears. We left it at the fast food restaurant.

Cheaterbug

Feng bought me my favourite tulips~ They were purple this time thus matched my room, think the last time she bought me tulips, they were a soft pink. Although my favourite colour is white, I LOVE tulips, no matter the colour. Maybe except if they were an artificial blue or black, me and Feng agreed that will either look toxic or poisonous. I also ADORE baby's breaths, little white fluffy specks, how lovely can they get!

They can open and close on their own!

I love tulips so much I think I can talk about what I think of them non-stop for days and days. I even designed a bag in the shape of a tulip! In fact, sometimes I think my face is tulip-shaped...LOLOL.

Anyway it was real fun to have loads of friends in the house. My sister's bunch of friends plus my own, there were so many people in my house, it was full of energy. Even Wawa was totally energized, she had her friend Nikey over as well!

Ros took the initiative to host Tong, Faith, Eloise and the rest to play blackjack while I accompanied Xin and Cheryl to play mahjong. Was so tired until eyes blur blur from insomnia the night before, luckily mum, Feng and papa kept giving me herbal tea, food and finally a shoulder rub even!

Was very touched by all of them, meimei was busy entertaining her friends but she offered her room to let my friends play mahjong. Feng knew I had to accompany aunty and friends to play mahjong, keep my papa away from gambling etc, thus played host to the rest for the whole day.

Mummy and Papa were so sweet! Mummy spent quite a lot of time cooking healthy meals for me and sinful yummy curry plus beehoon for my friends. She just wanted everyone, especially me and meimei to have a good time. Guess she understood I didn't want to leave my friends alone to play mahjong with unfamiliar people, but yet scared I get heaty whenever I din sleep, she kept bringing in liang teh. Felt real pampered siah.

My healthy lunch

Papa gave me 150 bucks to cover my losses(kekeke more than enough lah, 赚到 lah!) and mummy said something like "quick quick go to bed, sleep with a happy mood is very important." I was so touched by the two of them, *wipes away a teardrop*

Well, both me and Wawa were totally totally exhuasted. She was so tired, she climbed into her bed and just slumped there like a piece of furry rug. I'm equally spent, head and eyelids were so heavy, I managed a goodnight phone conversation with Ros and then concussed.

Do Not Disturb

01/02/06 HA! THE FUN-MAKER!

2006-02-01T09:55:00.000+08:00

On the 30th Monday afternoon, met Ros at Bugis Junction to ... erm just hold hands and look at each other? LOL. Anyway she was fashionably late as usual :P and I took the chance to walk around the unusually creepy mall. The shops were mostly closed, even Seiyu was dark and quiet. Though I can't say the same for the fountain outside it.

They were actually in bathing suits! There's this kid only in his white underpants if you look carefully. It's great to be a kid, dirty water, clean water, rain water..whatever, fun is more important. I'm a child at heart, I wanna be a xiao dou dou also *ponders* Can I play in the rain when I get well?

Chinese New Year must take some new year pics right? Spotted this kum-ful shrub outside Intercontinental.

My black dog wants to eat Kum!

Swap sms-ed me she and Nad also in Bugis! They met up for an afternoon Chinese New Year beer, gosh. Me and Ros then joined them at TCC, finally tried their Fried cheese. Bleah...not nice one. Looks nice only but its bland and no-texture. The blended Raisin Butter dunnoe what Frappe taste good too, just a wee bit too sweet.

See the tasteless creamy creamy cheese within the batter?

Tried the Red Focus function in my camera phone, meaning only red coloured objects will appear to have colour in the picture. Look at wonderful cute beery Swap in the picture. Even her reflection is red! Time to cut down on alcohol jiefu!

" 我最红！"

After visiting Ros' Grandmama at Bukit Pangjang, Cheryl informed me that Xin doesn't need us around to distract the numerous relatives in Cheryl's house cos she's got mahjong! Yeah! We got to go to town for romantic dinner and movie date.

Alas! GV theatres in Plaza Sing all so packed. Luckily managed to arrange to go Vada's house with Sotong to play play. Before that, I wanted to try the food at Manhatten Fish Market. I like fish and chips, but honestly the view from our table is quite disturbing. At least disturbing enough for me to turn vegetarian.

There's this LCD TV on the wall showing deep ocean creatures, mainly fishes. Some of them cute, some of them ugly but most of them edible and is probably on the plates of other diners in the restaurants I guess. Turn off for me so I had salad and mushrooms for dinner.

Yummy? Scary?

Frog Legs? :p

The coleslaw with raisins we had was not bad, quite refreshing, wish it was more sourish though. The fried mushrooms were delicious!!!! I was like mmmm....yummmm...mmmm all the way. Especially with the rich golden sauce, ecstasy siah.

After chewing away the stalk, I poured the creamy sauce into the middle and wait for it to seep thouroughly into the mushroom flesh. The next step is to put the whole thing into your mouth and ENJOY. I find it hard to describe how the crispy skin, soft mushroom inside and buttery cream just fill up my mouth.

The small 'O' kekeke

Decided to compliment them and Ros offered to help me fill up the feedback form while I continued to indulge in my mushroom high. The feedback form is quite disturbing too :(

Speaks for itself.

After dinner, we took a bus down to Lido to meet Vada and Tong. On the bus, the both of us got a fright, which subsequently threw us into fits of giggles again when the picture was taken. We saw this!

Sadako travel by bus too~

Vada's house new year deco is impressive! So far the most splendid I've seen, I like it. Very festive! Even her handphone ringtone is Chinese New Year melody, super cute.

Happening right!

Played a bit of mahjong with Sotong, Jo and Charmaine in Vada's pretty pink room. Like playing with Tong, very relax and fun~~It was a whole day of play and laughing again, hehehe. Time in itself is like a fun maker, just let it run and pave the way for fun to come!

30/01/06 DA NIAN CHU ER

2006-01-30T12:17:00.000+08:00

As much as I love the Chinese Language, it's really much easier to hand-write it then type it using the keyboard. I surrender.

Slept at 2 plus last night after playing bo liao 2-people blackjack with Feng and laughing non-stop over our silliness. Then meimei called me at 6 plus in the morning. Gave me a shock, I thought something happened to her. After several attempts to pick up the call, accidentally rejected one because I was rather groggy from sleep, I finally managed to call her back asap. Turned out she's at the door, forgot her keys at BengLeng's house. *phew*

Read comments attached to this blog this morning and I'm very touched. Several have told me my mundane daily records of my insignificant life has been heartwarming. Tell you what, the comments and encouragement or random rantings of friends and strangers made a difference to me. I love connecting with people, this is one exciting channel~

Okies, enough of my kaypoh`ness. Hmm...what else happened? Swap got a new pet bird that flew into her house yesterday. Cute fact is that the bird was so tired, it fell asleep on her chair after flying in! That's one kukoo bird.

Feng got 2 free GV movie tickets from her company as a birthday present. We're gonna use it man! Meimei has started to call me birdie, perhaps due to my chirpy nature :p nah, she feels I look like one of those botak birds out there...think Chicken Little.

My stomach feels smaller today, despite fierce invasion of the new year goodies territory in my living room. My family has sort of banned me from cashew nuts, the super thick ba gwa, beehive shaped honey crackers, pistachios etc. Those who are coming to my house tomorrow, you've gotta try that super thick ba gwa, mum has tried to tear it into really small pieces, but they are still so THICK! Buay tahan.

Meimei just woke up, happily telling my mum about her mahjong adventures. I played a bit also, winnings and losings combined is a positive 30 bucks, not too bad :) Wow, feel so good, I've not just typed and typed and typed whatever comes to mind for a long time already. I know it's boring to read but feel so shiok to just type random thoughts. I'm the kaypoh and ji zha princess!

29/01/06 大年初一

2006-01-29T12:54:00.000+08:00

今天是大年初一，怎么可以不用母语来写日记呢！：）昨天的团圆饭好丰富！我朝思暮想多时的鲍鱼与鲍翅终于出现了！我喜欢的鱼翅羹是有整片整片的那种，不喜欢普通喜宴或自助餐的散翅汤。要像这样的！！

最喜欢的鲍翅！

超爱全家人坐在一起，享用妈妈熬了一天的佛跳墙。吃饱后，Deardeer 和 BengLeng 过来，一起吃龙眼豆腐还有打麻将！我从麻将桌和 blackjack 中赢了四十多块钱，嘿嘿嘿。

今早上起床后就开始不停的吃，感觉上肚皮和手臂都多了一层厚厚的肥肉：p 好，晚餐要少吃点了。真受不了，家楼下有马来婚礼。他们拚了老命不断地嘶喊，其实是在唱KARAOKE。超级走音和难听，破坏了新年欢愉的气氛。

有点后悔太过宠爱娃娃了，早上抱着她又亲又疼，把她宠坏了。她一定是觉得自己很了不起，竟然跑到大门前大便！

招财大便

妈妈还笑嘻嘻地说形状很像 Deardeer 从她店里带来的招财烤猪手！爸爸更是兴奋，觉得是狗年的好彩头，一定要买彩票。

嘻！不好意思。

今年新年愿望是：知足常乐：）

28/01/06 SUDDEN THOUGHTS

2006-01-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

Was just playing literati with Deardeer when I feel that familar pricking pain in my abdomen again. Feels extra bloated today. Halfway through the game, I got a sudden feeling that my time is up soon. Days like this, me and Deer will just tell each other to live each day like it's our last.

We used to use Dr See's words as a gauge, estimating that we may have 3 more good years together as she once mentioned the best case study she has is a control of my cancer type for 2-3 years.

Then when the 2nd chemo drug was used, my condition saw improvement and Deer started to be hopeful, imagining we could probably have a whole life ahead of us. Till the day we get our own flat, renovates it and go shopping for furniture together. Till the day we're old, going to the garden for our daily slow exercise routine hand in hand.

Today, honestly, I feel that day may never come. I feel so sorry for Deer.

That doesn't kill my love for life though (pain does :p).

I painted my toenails an obiang festive red. You can call it the SIA stewardess chilli padi foxy sexy red. Anything. It's once a year for Chinese New Year!

I did it myself! Really dui that I didn't have the mood and energy to go manicure/pedicure last week cos of chemo. Today I bravely attempted to paint full bloody red toenails and french manicure in red on my fingers! Bravo Niki! Way to go!

It's Chinese New Year's eve, and Wawa is all dressed up already while I'm still in my pyjamas. This is just one of the numerous costumes Wawa baby owns...that vainpot~

I like that pink, looks festive too with all the embroidery and chinese knots as buttons.

Her figure real good loh. Check out that curvy waist and the cute little feet!

Every bit of her is so adorable, her fluffy ears, furry chest, bombom buttocks and graceful tail. Her face!!! Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?

28/01/06 A PORKY ENDING

2006-01-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

What a fun day. I know I know...it must be sick and tiring to constantly listen to me talk about having fantastic escapades but it's beyond my control! Especially when I've great friends who drives me around, crap with me, buy me nice food etc etc thanks Xin, Cheryl and Sotong!!

What a true and sensible comment Jiefu~ Agree with you! And thanks for that great song you sent me this morning, so niceeeee!

Met Feng at Tiong Bahru Plaza then strolled to the famous Tiong Bahru Market to meet her mum at the stall.

This year everyone like flock to Chinatown and in Tiong Bahru alone got so many stall sell roasted meats, tao yan! The Crispy Roasted Pork so yummy ok! The crispy part is my favourite *salivates*

Me and Feng love this picture :p

It was simply fun and so good to sit outside the stall, Feng told me funny stories about her brother when they were little.*winkz to Feng* Kekeke *evil grinz* Then occasionally try to pull business abit from pass by potential customers. Feng's mummy sat down and chatted with us when she's free, while I feast on the oily hawker food. It all felt pretty 温馨 :)

Feng then discovered that I look like a 招财猫! Hahahaha....quite fun posing as one too. Gotta kek a 'ngiao1 bin3'. Hahahaha the 招财 Kitty was so greedy she couldn't bear to put down her chopsticks while posing!

'Kek'ing the Kitty Face

27/01/06 THE MORNING FEEL

2006-01-27T09:49:00.000+08:00

If you live in a normal HDB neighbourhood, I bet there are moments when one will hear some kid in the next block experimenting with his/her recorder. This morning, I heard it again, some child blowing fiercely into one. Brings me back straight to my own childhood, primary school experience for me is bookshop, stickers, collection of erasers, canteen food and of course the recorder. Is it the same for everyone?

I try not to get into a pessimistic mood every morning. Feng ask me why people get upset and stuff easily. Isn't it easier to be positive than sad? Hmm, I think it's easier to slip into negativity and harder to get out of it. Though I agree with Feng and of course anyone else that a happy state of mind sits better in the heart than a dark one.

Cheryl's picking me up at around 12.30p.m then 环岛追追追 :p Will be a fun experience I think, she's jolly and so easy to get along~

XH broke up with gf again. Actually I care quite a lot about how she is, but too bad, her selfishness and unrelenting attitude towards it drives me further and further away. Given my health condition right now, I'm in no state to initiate contact en cas I get driven to my grave.

Mum just bought pandan waffle pancake from the market and starting to get busy cooking a light lunch for me now. Yeah last dose of Xeloda my chemo drug for the week this morning. Looking forward to the next few days without chemo! I told her I won't be coming home for dinner, cos I really wanna visit Dear at her parent's stall to accompany her~

Fruit juice every morning by mummy is so full of love and positive energy! Look what else I found!

They are all about the same size! Looks quite different from the usual US berries that papa buys. Meimei says they are from mummy's shopping. Super sweet, like honey. Lovely morning!
Strawberry Shortcake misses Blueberry Muffin, looking forward to a sweet CNY's eve's eve like last year ^_^

26/01/06 FANTASTIC AS EXPECTED!

2006-01-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

Minling so nice, carried all the tissue she bought for me in Bangkok to my house from school. A pity she got mixed up and bought plain winnie the pooh packaging tissue instead of printed hello kitty tissue. But it's the thought that counts and you're a great pal Minling!

We chatted a bit at home, went through my most recent photo album and then head to Heeren to do some shopping as I wait for Ros while she wait for her friends. We shopped a bit..bored then checked out the 9th floor of Cineleisure, the game room chamber that stretches out at a corner were pretty interesting. Got bean bags, sofas, huge flat screen tv and two monitors each for gaming. After that, we finally settled at the new cafe( forgot name) that replaces the old Lips Cafe on the 5th floor.

Had a pineapple italian soda that Minling feels taste like pineapple syrup from canned cocktail pineapples, and a plate of mozzarella cheese sticks that were super super chewy and stretchy! I took a bite and see this!

This is already the shortest it can go, we continued to pull and it went so long, loopy and all. Quite fun to eat but too salty.

Got a call from Ros and realized I got 10 miss calls from her before that! The music at the cafe was so loud, we didn't hear my phone ring. Minling is pretty impressed that Ros never gets angry with me. I'm very blessed and happy to have such a patient and loving gf too. Thank you Darling Deardeer!

Anyway, Minling head off to meet her two guy friends whom she claims are her sisters :P then me and Dear went to Ngee Ann City. This Sabai Thai restaurant there on the 5th floor I think, I likeeeeeeee. Totally red dramatic setting with soft thai music in the background (which Ros finds disturbing :p).

The dessert buffet spread is right in the middle of the restaurant where the big mirror is.

The red dramatic walls makes the place a lil dark which I like. Love soft lighting, always set the right ambience for food, for anything!

We had 3 dishes and the dessert buffet. This is the starter, pomelo salad. Great balance of flavours~ a slightly tangy freshness from the fruit, peanut scent and crunch and a slightly spicy aftertaste. Aah. The white cream on top is coconut cream to give a thai punch I suppose.

Then we also had Thai red curry with pork, very shiok spicy thai curry but a bit too heaty for me. Pork very tender....just like the tender beef we had in the green curry when we visited the restaurant last year. The little sweet potatoes in the curry were cut to the shape of flowers!

I must document the Pineapple Fried Rice! Totally satisfied my fried rice craving. Every single rice grain is yellow and a mouthful of it fills my heart with pineapple, curry and carrot sweetness. Every mouthful of that fragrant stuff delights me.

After the flower shaped sweet potatoes, also got flower shaped jackfruit and heart shaped papayas! Can't believe the people there, sooo cute! All the small papaya hearts in the fruit section look so tempting.These are some of the dessert selection, it's tedious to go through all of them one by one but I remember water chestnut mini pudding, delicious coconut milk with tapioca, bananas and red beans coated with glutinous rice wrapped in pandan leaves etc Yummy, period.

Before we left, got small silver dish of jasmine flowers, toothpicks and mentos which all we didn't have any use for. Hahaha. I joked about putting the flowers in my hair then suggested maybe it was to de-odourize armpits..ok I know, GROSS. Had a good experience~~~~good service ^_^ good food ^_^ great company ^_^

Went to Taka to help Ros shop for underwear but all the small sizes were sold out, incredible. She complaint why all the bui bos don't wear the type she like and I glared at her. I like to wear large size also, that means I am bui bo?!

Rushed to 37 degrees in Heeren after that but it was closed so ended up shopping around Jazz/classical section in HMV. So romantic to be surrounded by jazz music, we almost ended up dancing and sashaying non-stop inside. I must have been mad!

Feel so in love it's unbelieveable, how can we so throughly enjoy being with each other!? Sometimes I think passerbys must think we are two xiao char bohs, always hold hands, hugging, whispering and laughing, but cannot help it! Feel so 幸福 to be together!!!

26/01/06 GREAT DAY AHEAD

2006-01-26T10:37:00.000+08:00

Mum woke me up at 8 plus this morning cos got appointment with Dr See at 9.40 p.m. I tried to convince her to cancel the appointment, resulting in her tempting me with lunch outside with Ros after the doctor's visit, which in turn I bargained for a night out to pak tor with Ros instead. DEAL!

Where should I go tonight? Should it be Enotria at China square? Or Jap food at Siglap? Jap food at GoldHill? Peranakan cuisine at Novena? I can't wait!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!! ^_^

Yeah yeah, Thomas uncle fetched us to NCC. Heng ah, cos the streets were decorated with people hailing taxis in vain. Dr See was very sweet, she skipped everyone else and called me straight to her room. After checking my tummy and giving me mc, she declared that my chemo in future will be on Thursday as it will be less crowded. So one day less for me to play next week...sigh.

Dropped Mum at the interchange to meet Papa on the way home just now. So when I reached home alone, played with Wawa like crazy. We chased each other around the house, played hide and seek, barking games...actually I was the only one barking as Wawa is a rather quiet dog. She did the funniest thing yesterday!

Mum found some pink cream bra paddings which neither me or meimei wants. They're soft, pink, and cooling actually cos got some high quality gel or cream inside. She put them aside and continued cleaning out the cabinet. After a while, when she wanted to throw them away, they were nowhere to be found.

There they are. Wawa used them as face pillows as how she uses any other soft item in the house, which includes our cushions, quilt blankets, soft toys, sometimes she even ransacks my mum's underwear drawer and fool around abit..yikes.

Who? Me?

25/01/06 BUY A WEEK OF LIFE

2006-01-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

I'm buying a week of life with a week of misery. Actually, I'm starting to really feel more like a human being today so it's more like 5 days of pure torment and 2 days of slight misery.

RuShan my cousin is in the kitchen right now with mum, he's quite a good fella. He's around 40 le I think, very charitable and sweet person, just a wee bit naggy. :p He came over and gave me n meimei Ang Bao(AB)! Kekekeke.

Ros gotta help out with parents' business on Friday which is CNY eve's eve, cannot hang out :( Mum is so paranoid about me going to crowded places before CNY, I'm only allowed to Siglap or East Coast?!

*peeps* at the AB...wah I see greens and blues, must be got 50 dollar note...hee! Wah! got 100 bucks!

Had a really healthy lunch, Mum made salad with alfalfa sprouts, dou miao, water chestnuts and organic thousand island dressing, really really super tasty. All crunchy, wet with a vegetable fragrance, if got more vinegar for extra zest even more shiok! Also had Fig, carrot, potato soup with beehoon and lean meat. Great meal!

Meimei came home after driving lesson just now before going for tuition just in time to collect AB from RuShan, so lucky. Mum also made her sinful fried rice with egg and canned spicy diced meat (ba ding). I managed to steal a few big mouthfuls of that, really good. I adore fried rice...can't wait to eat more next week when I feel better!

I even managed to shower and dry Wawa today, she's clean and smelling fresh as a baby now. Really wanna go food hunting next week with dear, good food and love keeps my life going.

24/01/06 NEGLECTED TARTS

2006-01-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

Last night, woke up at 2.45 a.m, dreamt of food. Dreamt that meimei posted pictures of mummy's fried rice on the baker's blog which I surfed happily before I slept. Was so hungry thus searched the fridge for food.

As I opened a small box of mummy's pineapple tarts, Wawa came running into the kitchen and looked at me with soulful eyes. Stomach was grumbling like mad, walked back to bed and enjoyed the tart. Guess Wawa was hungry and cold too so she decided to sleep on my bed.

Woke up again at 4 a.m, heard Wawa sneezing about 3 times at my feet. Cuddled her up into my arms to keep her warm.

6.06 a.m, hungry again. One more pineapple tart. Same great taste.

10 a.m, okie this time I shared the tart with Wawa finally. Her imploringly sad craving soulful eyes were impossible to resist. I said the magic word "mu mum!" and she flew into the room with helicopter tail. We shared the prize happily and enjoyed every single little bit of it.

When Mum baked those tarts, I was suffering from the side effects full force. Totally unaware of what's happening in my surroundings then, only groaning in pain and discomfort, puking or felt like puking. At least today, an intense urge to puke occurred after the medication, the rest of the day is still tolerable, not to a point I can neglect the wonderful pineapple tarts.

A bit of condensation after being taken out of the fridge

She chose organic brown sugar and organic flour for ingredients. The pineapples were so soft, yet slightly chewy with a sour tangy tingle, not overly sweet. So healthy yet delicious. Very little of it made this year because I can't eat much anyway, she only gave one container to Feng and left 3 for our own and visitors' consumption.

The amount of pineapple on each tart is amazingly generous, a huge ball of it.

No wonder these year she made so few...where got enough pineapple to go around~!

23/01/06 CUTE MUMMY

2006-01-23T13:05:00.000+08:00

Mum went to the market and bought Doraemon New year lantern that says "身体健康" on it, she stapled the small pieces of red paper together and hung it on the small ice-cube light outside my room door. That's her CNY's wish for me I guess.

She has been very gentle and patient with me, crying with me, comforting me and boiling barley and soup non-stop for me. Now she's cleaning up the house and humming her songs to cheer up.

Mummy, 你是最好的。

By the way dear, I know you love me, don't turn to religion out of desperation to see me get well. Your love is enough to touch me to happiness :) God has plans for me I suppose, we just need to accept our fate.

22/01/06 CHANGE OF DRUG

2006-01-22T15:28:00.000+08:00

This is the third drug I'm trying out. Thanks for the comments and encouragement and suggestions. I'm sorry to say this but today, I'm losing hope.

To everyone out there, trust me, cancer is the last thing you will wanna get in your body. I met this woman who sat beside me during chemo on friday. She used to work in KFC and ate that very often. she's got gastric problems then ovarian problems (prob due to overdoes of hormones inside chicken) and now the tumour spreaded to her legs.

Whatever it is, take good care of your diet. Do not eat too much processed foods, artifical colouring and preservatives, do not become anorexic or bulimic, try to quit smoking and limit alcohol intake. When your health is ruined, its too late for regrets.

Teasure your family members and your partner. I never knew my mum will be so soft-spoken with me, we were always arguing with each other. I even fought physically with my dad and sis before. Now I realise, they are the ones who will stand by you no matter what. No matter how high my medical bills are, how much crying they have to go through with me whenever bad news come. I regret all the pettiness I had, not bearing enough thanks and gratitude for my parents for simply giving me my life. Dear I love you too.

20/01/06 PLS LET ME CONTINUE

2006-01-20T09:42:00.000+08:00

Only 2 more treatments to go before this cycle ends, please please give me a chance to complete it first. Please make it work.

If my blood test CA125 increases to more than the 58.9 recorded the last time, I don't know what Dr See will decide. If the CT scan done yesterday shows that the two growths inside my abdomen has not shrunk, I don't know what to expect next.

All these unknowns scare me. Everyone is working, carrying on with their normal mundane but assuring lives while I struggle with the thought of life, more pain, or even death every week. Honestly, I'm a bit tired. I would think I will get used to it in time to come, but now everytime I see a needle and syringe, I feel punched at the nose, tears roll down involuntarily.

Fear grips me whenever I picture Dr See telling me the cancer is out of control, don't say that I'm brave to go through all these, because I have no choice in this matter.

20/01/06 BLOATED ABDOMEN

2006-01-20T00:12:00.000+08:00

My stomach is so big now I would think that the cancer is fighting back strongly. around 23 hours later, I will be seeing Dr See, see what she says bah.

Just went for a blood test and CT scan this afternoon. Gotta drink 4 big big glasses of pink liquid before the scan. Always feel like throwing up the liquid. A plug was injected into my arm so that a warm medication can be pumped into my blood vessels. Guess all these liquid serve as contrasts and highlights in the CT Scan film. So that my body in the reports light up, maybe blood will be yellow, gastric n bladder pink? :p

The drawing of blood went badly. The nurse was not fast enought to stop the backflow of blood from the needle plug and my blood just gushed out. Drip, flow...drip, flow...down my arm and big fat drops of blood non-stop onto the small white cotton armrest pillow. My blood soaked through and left huge red patches on it.

The nurse was kind of embarrassed plus nervous about it. She kept cleaning my arm, it was a scary sight. I felt kind of sad. Visits to the hospital, blood test, scans and chemotherapy has become part of my life now. Behind the happiness and love I feel from my mum and sis who accompanied me, behind all the happy days I have, this is the kind of life I lead, full of physical pain, discomfort and constant threats of death.

19/01/06 TOP OF THE WORLD

2006-01-19T11:21:00.000+08:00

Well, not really top of the world...top of SG at the Equinox.

Be wary that this is going to one entry so full of pictures, but I have to document them! It's one helluva enjoyable day I had, so shiok memories of it probably can serve as painkillers for me one day ^_^

The strange lift that took us to the 70th floor, the screen shows not the storeys but 'EZ'...is the lift hao lian or what? Telling us it's chicken feed to travel 70 floors upwards.

When we reached the restaurant, we were a bit surprised by the oriental setting, Compass Rose's settings were pretty contemporary last time, like a normal cafe. The simplistic plain wood oriental syle was pretty refreshing.

Was ushered to a seat below the pink arrow, fantastic table 'cept for the fact a 'yucks' fellow was sitting beside us. He just talked non-stop, very loudly, and all said were either nonsense, stupid crap or show-offies. I absolutely cannot stand any male who yak incessantly thus requested to change table to around 2 tables behind him.

Hee! Got a even better view awaits us! This is how it looks like when it raining heavily outside, I love the rain, I love the sea so this is like PERFECT! Occasionally even saw lightning flash and slice the sky into half! Cool!

Can you see the faint horizon in a distance?

This is the view when the rain cleared, ships dotting the clear sea and huge fluffy clouds puffed up the sky.

So happy, they served smoked salmon with cream n roe by the soup spoon~

Decorated my own water glass with a mint leaf ^_^

I know this little brown fella looks pretty unappetizing, but it's my favourite thing at the buffet besides the roasted duck, crepe, salad, cheese cakes, white n brown chocolate sheets rolled into tiny tubes etc

This is Creme Brulée in a small saucer. The thin crust of slightly burnt sugar on top is so good so good we bite into it and swirl coffee in our mouths, as it melts with the copi ...waaaaahhhhhhh. Underneath all the creme are sprinkles of green tea powder-like stuff. I had 4 of those.

The whipped cream with pancakes is yummy too~ The cream so light and yet milky! I just ate spoonfuls after spoonfuls!

Next are some pictures of a good looking fella and some scenery shots I attempted.

Esplanade really looks like housefly eyes.

All these comes included in the buffet bill! I had the best bird-eye's view of SG during high tea. Really very 'high' throughout the tea from laughing with Ros, the fine food and superb view.

Impressive boudoir style make-up 'corner' in the ladies' toilet!!! Totally brought out the narcissism in me with all these mirrors. Being narcissistic rulez! :p

Tried too hard to make my arms look slimmer, they can hardly be seen. This is the cute techni-coloured lift by the way. Matches my blouse~

~Me and Feng in a magical world~

After that we went on to Tanglin to look at antiques, do field research on expatriate fashion and most importantly look for my opal stone! Rained heavily in the night again, then took cab to Heeren and shop. I feel so adored and loved as Ros always pretends I'm a real princess by holding my hand up, carrying umbrella for me. Super funny and hilarious when we try to crush each other's fingers by sheer brute strength when holding hands. It really feels good to laugh and giggle or grin almost all the time when we are together, thank you dear.

Took cab home and instructed the driver to go by ECP to capture the wonderful view once again on ground level.

Took this picture behind the cab window, quite lovely in the night as well :) Good night Singapore!

18/01/06 CURRY FAVOUR

2006-01-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

Webmaster of twoqueensparty invited me to a private pool party this Saturday but I most probably won't be able to go! Boohoo...cos if chemo on Friday, Saturday is going to be horrid :( A private les pool party and I cannot go, so sianz! Everytime there's one place I can't go due to chemo, gotta be positive and think of lots other happening places I have been or going to be right!

One of these is ^Curry Favour^! This little restaurant at Stamford house is goooooooood. The premises is divided into two, me and Ros sat at the MoonRiver side cos got lovely relaxing sexy Jazz music while we chat and eat. The decor is also slightly nicer.

Cosy jazzy little place that smells of tantalizing sweet japanese curry and dessert.

For starters, I ordered pork roll and Ros got an Oj Banana smoothie. Both are excellent! Orange juice with banana smoothie is so tantalizing on the tongue! I adore the pork roll cos its like super thin slices of soft teriyaki bacon rolled around jade-green shoots of asparagus *ECSTACY* When you bite into it, some juicy fats and fragrant lean pork and sweet crunchy asparagus, thinking about it makes me salivate.

Shiny exciting pork roll resting peacefully before I eat them

Next we decided to share a main course Cheese Katsu (pork) Curry that consist of rice, red pickles, salad and a silver gracy pot of sweet curry.

Much to Ros' delight, the fried pork within the crispy breaded batter is lean and tender! Can you see the cheese oOzing out when we try to cut that piece of pork?!!! Need I say more!!?

No Jap meal is complete without warm Sake! No meal is complete without dessert!

So we ordered a small warm sake (the sake there not very nice actually we found out), and vanilla ice-cream with apple crumble. The apple crumble was goood with a hint of cinammon, only it was not warm enough which was just as well for me cos I get to enjoy the ice-cream properly :)

I was so excited to see the dessert when it came, we just chat and eat and chat and eat, it was very promptly finished as we held hands, gazed into each others' eyes. Before we knew it, the whole dessert was gone...who ate it!?

There was this white powdery thing that coated the crumble which I like, and Ros like the pieces of apple baked to various degrees inside, the big messy ball of white on top of the pie is the yummy ice-cream that never melted because the pie wasn't hot enough :p

The pricing was pretty reasonable for pork rolls, smoothie, warm sake, main course and dessert...around $50 plus. WORTH IT.

Anyway, please don't think I always eat yummy food only hoh meimei, look at this! I'm eating this for lunch right now~~

Light meal of brown rice, wild rice and cabbage with black fungus. At home, I passionately only eat cod fish, vegetables and rice.

^hyperlinked^

18/01/06 EXCITING NEW DAY

2006-01-18T09:16:00.000+08:00

(Words with ^ ^ are hyperlinked.)

Deardeer has taken leave to accompany me! Yeah!!!! It's ^EQUINOX^ today, cool! By the way, the highlighted word is a link, go click and see its lovely!

Been wanted to go to Equinox's 前身 which was Compass Rose, but last time always no money...hai* When Compass Rose was still around, I was a student mah! Heard they used to serve unlimited pan fried Foie Gras, now must be no more liao! Boohooo...anyway got H5N1, don't eat also good lah hee!

I hope Equinox's buffet is going to be fantastic. Great paranomic view of the city from one of the highest point in SG, delicious food and *cross my fingers* hopefully good service, llalalaaaallalalalala what a wonderful day!

Gotta go Takashimaya ^Clio Blue^ (I like their hippy looking natural stone collections!) to fix my ^bracelet^, 2-3 beads/pearls are missing but basically all the charms are still intact. It broke the day before I left the house to meet Ros, xin and cheryl for dinner then go Thumper.
Hope the Clio Blue people don't take too long this time. I remembered the last time the clasp was loose, they told me it was being sent to France then changed destination become Hongkong, I waited for almost a month! :(

Besides sending my bracelet for fixing, we're going opal hunting!!! I hope those natural/semi-precious stones jewellery stores in Tanglin or Centrepoint have what I want in reasonable prices. If anyone see any nice opal Jewellery, tell me!

So looking forward to high tea today, can't wait to have a great time!

17/01/06 WONDERFUL NIGHT

2006-01-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

^hyperlinked^

My life seems to revolve around food :p My stomach seems to be bloated with cancer fluid again (uh oh, is the chemo not working this time?), so since it looks so fat, I thought I might as well fill it up with some food as well.

Wah! Today got form siah...my 3rd entry so far already! GOSH. Just finished family dinner with BengLeng and Ros joining us. Thanks again BengLeng for treating us to big dinner! It was ala carte buffet at Paramount Tung Lok, wonderful variety and I was filled to the ears with food. Between the 6 of us, we had around 42 dishes. SHOCKING!

Talking about generousity, I remembered Meimei also very sweet during Xmas, got me an onyx pendant that super match my ^watch^.

I really gotta thank God for giving me this wonderful time, Papa, Mummy, Meimei, BL, Me and Ros sitting down together as a family for a meal, so blissful. I believe me and Feng are one of the very few les couples who can have such a chance.

Throughout the whole dinner, my dad kept telling freezing cold jokes which Meimei gotta tickle BL so at least someone will laugh. My appetite was slightly affected as attention diverted to the back view of this man who sat directly opposite my table.

We seldom find middle-aged men with shoulder length hair nowadays.

Before tonight, I never thought my family will propose to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday for her. Although there was no cake, no singing but there was a lot of love and laughter. Dear took video clips of me eating and eating with her handphone, so paiseh. Meimei took pictures for me and Ros, my parents bickering comfortably in front of both Ros and BL...LOL. All of us sitting around the table may not be the movie perfect picture, but this is a wonderful picture in its own for me.

~Happy Couple~

17/01/06 WORMS AMONG MY PEAS

2006-01-17T13:21:00.000+08:00

This unfortunate incidents happened yesterday. Before I set out for my try out at Curry Favour, mum cooked some organic beans and carrots for me to eat with my brown rice. Being organic vegetables, it means they were grown entirely with natural soil. No chemical pesticides or fertilisers involved in the whole farming process.

The beans looks delicious, fat supple peas lying side by side in each green shiny pod. I took my first pod and started chewing happily, commenting to my mum, "Mee ah, you forgot to de-string them issit, got the veiny texture...pui....EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! AAAARrrHHHHHH!"
See the mushed up worm among the mashed peas? That's what I pui out from my mouth when I realise my bean's texture is far to un-vege like. It was a fat green caterpillar I think.
Mummy, "Wah! good ah! got caterpillar means these beans are truly organic! Never use pesticides one! Very good for health. Worms can eat one lah, tv also got show."

I mean, she is right in a way, this little worm is probably cleaner and healthier than most human beings, its an organic worm :p

I went on to peel open every single pod before eating the whole bean, and found ANOTHER fat green caterpillar in one of the pods. That bean, my mum swiftly grabbed with one hand and threw into the bin, for fear that I'll stop eating.

"They very poor thing hoh, vegetarians all their life then kena stir-fried by you and photographed by me."

"They all eat until so fat and happy, never mind one lah."

I gingerly continued to peel open another pod and this time found a skinny brown fellow that hadn't fattened up yet.

Another juicy bean pod wasted.

We both laughed at the irony of the situation, it used to be so freaking awful to find a worm among our vegetables. Most of our vegetables and meat are so laden with poisonous pesticides and chemical fertilisers nowadays that even strong hardy worms cannot survive among the plots. We're slowly poisoning ourselves with modern day growing and preservation methods. Now, it seems like the natural way (but really wormy expensive :( way) is the way to go manz.

Talking about healthy food, mum made this unique dish the other day.

Cashew Nut porridge soup with Broccoli, really really light and tasty!

17/01/06 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR

2006-01-17T09:46:00.000+08:00

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MY DARLING HONEY H BABY

GOD MUST HAVE RESERVED YOU FOR ME 27 YEARS AGO WHEN YOU WERE BORN, HOW ELSE CAN I FEEL SO SPECIAL EVER SINCE YOU DECIDED TO GIVE ME THAT RUBBER DUCKIE SET WHEN I WAS BARELY 17?

THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS HAVING A PLACE FOR ME IN YOUR HEART FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS.

THE DAY YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST BREATH WAS THE DAY DESTINY ARRANGED FOR ME TO BE PAMPERED AND LOVED. I CELEBRATE THIS DAY WITH THE PUREST JOY AND HAPPINESS.

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~

16/01/06 BURGERS AND GEISHAS

2006-01-16T10:59:00.000+08:00

Bought a Carl's Junior Mushroom Burger Combo yesterday, changed the fries to criss-cut fries. The meal costs about $12! Expensive right.

The mushroom inside quite juicy and slippery smooth, beef patty is slightly softer and thicker than BK's. The criss cut fries is goooood, very crispy on the outside and fluffy inside. They have this salsa thingy (that little saucer) made of green , red pepper and onions which Ros Yucks to, but I quite like.

This is about how big the burger is, compare with the size of Ros' thumb :p You know they give out plastic knives for people who wanna share so they can use it to half the burger. So almost every table gets a plastic knife, so environmentally NOT friendly! Carl's Junior should just help their customer slice the burgers what...hai*

Talking about HUGE USA portions, I think of my last trip to Billy Bomber's. Me and Ros got free cheesy fries that look more like wedges, plus ordered their largest burger. Wanna see the amazing yummy fries?

The amount of cheese dip ! Gosh! And the fries were all thicker than my fingers, so crispy and fat! It was really too much by the way, we could never finish it so we ended up leaving a lot uneaten.

What's left. (notice all the cheese dip has been licked away by me, wahahahahahaha)

This is Billy Bomber's largest burger, got TWO sunny side ups, cheese, bacon, ham, tomato, lettuce, pickles and super thick beef patty. I forgot the price though, but definitely more expensive lah! Duh!

SUPER HAWAIIAN WITH CHEESY LAVA CRUST

Okie just for fun and since we're talking about food. This is me and Feng's favourite pizza which meimei's bf Bengleng treated us to on Christmas! wWoOoOoh, the different types of melted cheese all oOzing out of the holes in the crust.

Hey! How come all food and no geishas! Keke, ok Memoirs of the Geisha was better than I expected. Though Zhang Ziyi's face totally don't match the perfect beauty Chiyo that was portrayed in the book, Gong Li was a stunner. She's the best Hatsumomo we can find I think.

Young little chiyo is such a lovely pretty little girl. This movie is a bit like the opposite of the Harry Potter Movie, because the scene of the dance is much filmed with much more grandeur and fireworks and exaggeration than the book. In HP, the dance was filmed to be such a floppy lame scene, quite different from what's written. I would so much prefer if every thing's just nice, but well nothing is perfect.

This is the most Japanese outfit I can find, coupled with my hair, I tried looking a bit more jap than ZZY's scary poster.

Feng suggested something after that picture, I was afraid of being laughed at by passer-bys but we really couldn't resist the temptation of doing it! It was just there, so big a pair...at my eye-level somemore, beckoning to us, just had to do it quickly!!!!!!! *shy*

hee!

15/01/06 I'M DETERMINED NOT TO SINK

2006-01-15T10:53:00.000+08:00

I decide to be happy. I only have one life anyway, might be a real short one even, why should I not choose happiness?

Jerry said he will be calling me today, bad news or good news, my heart still skips a beat when I think about what is going to happen but now I just hope he doesn't call me in the middle of the movie later.

It's Memoirs Of A Geisha at 3.20p.m Marina square later! I'm going to try out Carl's Junior, I know fast food is bad for me...well occassional indulgence lah. I'll be having dinner at home anyway~

I'm having more ls sessions recently. does it mean the cancer fluid is increasing? That usually happens when it's the case, well *cross fingers* Hai.

Ros is great, came over after guitar lesson on friday to stay overnight. When she arrived at almost 11p.m, Wawa was so pleasantly surprised. *Digs into my digi cam and handphone for pictures* Great! have lots of pictures to blog about again!

This is Saturday morning when Wawa decides to stare at sleeping Feng with her dark solemn 'you-should-be awake-and-rubbing-my-belly' look.

Ros woke up and started talking about Gelare at ECP has their Banana Waffle done by beating real bananas into the batter ...waaaahh only got four words can describe "Yum. Mee. Yum. Mee"

(side-track a bit, Ros just woke up now and called me, after discussing big plans to have BIG burger for lunch, she gave me a super high pitch "byeee byeeee!!!!" before hanging up. She's super cuteeee!!!!!)

Back to Saturday morning, we anticipated for whole morning and early afternoon for Banana Waffle, I was so excited I even ate a real banana at home to curb craving first. Arranged with Swap to meet at ECP for waffle!

DISSAPOINTMENT

They ran out of bananas.....duh! I should have brought my own to ECP! My kitchen got one whole branch hanging there and some of them are committing suicide! Never seen bananas committing suicide? They peel off their own skin, hang around for a while and drop onto the ground dead, away from the rest of the family.

The bunch in my house on saturday is the short and fatty ones, around 2-3 of them were too heavy for their skin, fell onto the space beside my kitchen sink where they were hanging over. Meimei and me were so busy rescuing the ones that fell, by putting them with only half their skin into the fridge.

-Too heavy for its own skin-

That's an old picture of another banana last time, long already eaten by Papa.

Anyway, Swap ordered this chocalatey sundae which she insists is not a hot fudge sundae but I suspect it is, and we got a Tuitti Fruitti Waffle, stupid name stupid not nice waffle. Why bother to give the food a special name when it sucks. The only thing nice about its is the preserved strawberries on it, preserved strawberries always taste good.

The weather was super sunny and we couldn't find another place to eat because it was so HOT and with Wawa, we couldn't sit indoors anywhere! Wawa protested by SUDDENLY relieving herself at the tiny slope outside coffee bean, beside the "No Pets Allowed" sign.

Her trail divides into two streams...like rivers from the sea, how poetic.

Some scary looking dog tried to 'gao sua' my Wawa. Meimei saw the pic and says its a Boston Terrier. No wonder Wawa don't like, she's a Princess from Tibet and China, she won't enjoy Ang Moh dogs from Boston.

Wawa siam!

Actually the owner of this dog is quite nice, the old gentleman kind, see? He's got very comfy good-looking blue n brown leather shoes. The dog also quite okie lah, even when he tries to ride on Wawa's neck, he was slow and gentle about it.

Good, expensive looking shoe.

After this episode, Wawa again protested by doing an absolutely unladylike thing SUDDENLY in the middle of nowhere.

An artistic shot of Baby Wawa doing big business.

I know everyone's dying to see what the products look like. It was simply amazing, though Ros and Swap literally bounced away quite like acrobats the moment they touched ground, I know they couldn't keep their eyes away from the poop. It was this subtle sunset yellow colour, a little like the colour of a comforting cocktail of Tequila Sunrise.

She probably had too much tapioca the day before.

Nature of Wawa's business -- Poop.

What a splendid conclusion.

12/01/06 I HAVE THE BEST PEOPLE WITH ME

2006-01-12T14:40:00.000+08:00

I HAVE THE BEST MOTHER

She called Tan and went down to SGH just now, to wait for the letter. I wailed and wailed like an hurt animal after she and papa left the house. Cried because I felt so useless and worthless. Everybody's making all sorts of efforts for me when I create all the trouble.

I HAVE THE BEST FATHER AND SISTER

Papa brought back drama serials, hoping to distract me. Meimei confessed she looked for Tan before to get letter then bring down to bpp. I can tell the two of them are so concerned about me, I need to lift myself out of this depression.

I HAVE THE BEST DEAR

She's supporting me and being with me and loving me although I'm always crying and unhappy and such a trouble maker.

Thank you people for being strong and being the best I can ever have and being more than I ever deserve.

11/01/06 MISERABLE

2006-01-11T13:39:00.000+08:00

Was coughing like mad last night. I couldn't sleep, feel like puking. Lower abdomen was so painful and finally ls till I felt so weak. Woke up this morning weak too, ate a bit of noodles. Was lying in bed when a tpo called me. Shit, hauntings from the past. I don't want to start being worried about it then dragging my condition down.
What a coincidence, papa went to sch to give my mc and then the tpo called me. Mum tells me not to be worried. How can I not be.

Honestly I cannot stand my last blog entry now. Everytime I scroll down and see my own hand with the tubes, I feel like vomitting. Can feel the chemicals flowing right into my body and my gastric over-turns itself involuntarily.

I'm really in one of my dark negative not-feeling-well moods today. Hate it. What if I don't get well by 4b? What if I get well and the cancer comes back real fast? Then how fast? Few months? Few years?

In one of my better moods, I mentioned to Feng that if a person is bounded to a sickness for a lifetime, maybe its just the same as not being sick. Since one can't be cured, one can't be sick as its part of the person anyway.

Now, with every single cell in my body fighting for survival against the chemicals, my gastric and intestines going haywire and full of worries from the past, I'm not so positive. I don't know what to do, can't even lie in bed for a minute without feeling miserable, this is not life.

09/01/06 START OF 3b :)

2006-01-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

Okie so I've done the IV for 3b this noon, after one more week of eating the dreadful chemo drug Xeloda for 7 days, 3b will be completed! I'm so GLAD that my throat infection manage to clear today so I can start 3b...if not I might still be in pain and nausea during Dardeer Feng's birthday next Tuesday!

Mummy wanna have a small family dinner celebration for her at Tung Lok Paramount...yummy!

Dr See scheduled a CT Scan for me next Thursday to see if the condition inside my abdomen is better at all, I'm thin now but why is my tummy still bloated?????? Hope that the growths inside are real small now or better still, converted into good cells like I also tell them to.

At around 12 plus, halfway through my chemo, Feng appeared with a foot long BLT Subway, macademia white chocolate and Raisin Oatmeal cookies. I immediately brightened up!

I mean, I LOVE mummy and she is so great to accompany me for the whole morning through all the waiting and scheduling hassles. But whenever she's bored, she starts talking about me not understanding how awful we behave that's why she gotta shout and nag at us, I LOATHE that topic.

Anyway after Deer arrived, mum went to Temple Street for some organic shopping while me and her happily ate subway sandwiches. I walked to the toilet twice with my drip stand and caused a bit of backflow of blood in the tubes when I raised my arm too high in order to hold on to the stand.

There was a lot more blood in that tube actually but by the time Feng managed to find my camera...lots of it had slowly migrated back to my arm. It was quite a beautiful sight...like a Lava Lamp we thought. hee.

Check out my super shiny nail polish~~~

I was very happy when the nurse commented that I'm very tall and slim today ^_^ but quite afraid when she also mentioned my veins on the wrist are pretty close to the bone. My fears were not unfounded, when she injected the plug into my wrist today, it's helluva painful siah!

Maybe I should start fattening up again, buffets here I come! Yummy Yummy!

08/01/06 SUPER GOOD WEATHER ^_^ SUPER LONG HAPPY ENTRY

2006-01-08T11:02:00.000+08:00

THUMPER

The initial 2 hours at Thumper were good. First of all, being the 100th registered user of the twoqueensparty website, I 'demanded' a prize and Wendy gave free entries plus a round of free drinks for me and friends! I dressed up and was happy with how I looked ^_^ Plus the band sang well...yeah good music, free drinks and friends with free drinks *satisfied*

I really like the logo of the cute bunny, their coasters rock. I like rabbits but may never keep another male rabbit, their urine can really travel and stain *sweat*

Took some pictures with handphone but it was too dark so me and Feng proceeded to somewhere brighter.

Feng took this picture and accidentally included herself in it, well...I cropped her away. Wahahahahhaa. Actually I put on so much make-up that day le! But I still look pale and bland, maybe next time I should just empty the whole eyeshadow and blusher pots onto my face.

This is a narcisstic artistic picture I attempted myself. Cropped away my own face because it was really really pale, about as ghostly white as my bare back. If you look closely, Feng is actually standing in front of me...I think.

Around 10 plus, when the whole Thumper is super under-ventilated, smoke choked my poor pair of lungs (causing my throat infection &%^#@!), Faith, Didar and Chisolm(hope I've got the name right) finally arrived! We gladly gave the table up to them and fled the place.

Met white_ice Mel (again! saw her twice that week) outside at the carpark, she really looks like a healthier female version of Sylvester Sim. By the way, Sylvester is so skinny, stylists have to get him a pair of female 25 inch waist jeans to wear for photoshoot because none of the male-cut jeans can fit him anymore....yucks.

YESTERDAY STARTED NOT SO GOOD

I thought yesterday was going to be a bad bad day...after complaining on blog and playing BL(my sis's bf)'s PSP 3D Pacman, I got a SERIOUS full-head headache. You know, the kind that spreads all over your head and if you massage the right side, the left side throbs and vice versa.

Decided to take a short nap after dinner with Feng. After I woke up at about 8 plus, my headache had gone(with the help of Mr. Panadol Extra). Mum had finished cleaning our leather sofa with leather softener and proudly showing off the results to Wawa. In a while Papa started to watch 射雕英雄传 with the horribly low monotonous voice of 黄蓉 saying “靖哥哥”. Everytime she uses that voice of hers, i'm irked...really 金镛's great portrayal of this cute lass is ruined by beautiful 周迅。

HAPPINESS SEEPING IN SLOWLY

Anyway, since the living room tv is playing boring stuff, me, meimei and mummy decided to move to the master bedroom and nua in bed while watching 哎哟！我的妈！with our old tv. Was in a good mood because got 潘玲玲 parading around in the show with her super slim fit jeans and hide-my-tummy spaghetti top, watching her great figure and lovely face makes me happy.

Then Feng sleepily walked into the room silently like little baby Casper, plops herself beside me on the huge bed and watched the show with us. It was wonderful, mummy, meimei, and Feng hugging me, feel so blissful that they accept my relationship and we could all nua in bed to watch bo liao Singaporean style cheesy chinese sitcoms.

OH! FUN!

After the sitcom, we got the craving for mahjong!!! So we 'volunteered' Papa to go carry our mahjong table up. By the way, smartie mummy tried to save storeroom space by 'storing' our mahjong table 1 storey down at the common stairway platform.

ALAS!!! Our table is GONE!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely someone took a fancy to it and brought it home. *sobs* Goodbye our long time family table friend. I should have taken a picture of you before you were stolen :(

Anyway we were determined to have fun so mummy suggested Blackjack because she don't know how to play Dai Di. I won FIFTY BUCKS at Blackjack! Thanks everyone! Hee! I'm so happy~~~~~~~~

We got so bored of Blackjack so I decided to give mummy a quick lesson on Dai Di. While Channel 8 had some weird suspense/thriller/horror movie going, mummy was thoroughly enjoying the Dai Di rounds while me, meimei and Feng took turns to scream and squirm at the TV.

MY DOG'S A CAT

Woke up this morning to the sound of Mummy sliding my windows open. LOVE IT. It's raining, when the wind caresses my face and fills my whole lavendar room with pitter patter and the smell of rain...how can I not be soothed?

Wawa runs in to enjoy the wonderful ambience in my room and of course to share my body warmth by leaping up onto my quilt like a cat.

This is how she started...by resting her black little cat-like head on my upper arm and trying to snuggle into my quilt.

Then she hides her face under my arm, pretending to be shy and demure when I try to take another picture of her.

In less than five minutes she twisted and turned her little furry body to fit right into the curl of my arm so that her round buttocks will fit under my palm. Buay Tahan this soft furball!

Even when I decided to remove my arm, she continues snuggling more and more into a curly ball of soft fur until she totally resembles a cat or a furry cushion. I love Wawa the cat-pretending dog.

P.S. Thanks Tinkleme :) Went to watch the video...Ms. Swan's hair looks like my wig! :p

07/01/06 TRAPPED

2006-01-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO GO OUT. All you healthy people out there. You are so fortunate, to be able to go wherever you want to. So please start being happy and make full use of your time enjoying okie! Don't always complain this and that and waste your life away complaining or waste your body away by doing stupid things like being drunk, bulimic, quarrelsome, chain-smoking, over-exercising, starving, under-sleeping, over-gaming etc

We need fun! Rest! Shopping! Picnics! Swimming! Hotel stays! Chalets! BBQs! Arcades! Bubble milk tea! KTVs! Coffee breaks!

I need to go out and breathe some clear air that smells of rain. I feel so trapped *cries*