18/10/05 SICKENING SICKENING SICKENING

Feel so much better! Had super terrible side effects from Chemo. First of all, the stuff they pumped into me before chemo was horrible enough. I felt so high and sick from it. Then, it was extreme coldness, should say loss of heat. Whole body so cold until I felt my toes freezing up, it must feel like that to die! SCARY. Lasted for 4 freaking hours...I hate it. Super boring, helpless, sick feeling.

The few days after chemo were hell too. One day of pain after another, the whole pelvis area ached like someone banged hammars against me. Then it was the depression, constant pain for 3 days = simultaneous depression = suicidal thoughts. When one seeps into depression, everything seems so bleak. I was sure I won't recover and my tummy won't get smaller. I was so sure I'm one of those destined to die a tragic death.

Luckily the side effects are over, otherwise I'll still be crying every night, having nightmares...couldn't get to sleep at all. Now I'm so grateful the pain is much lesser and I can just do nothing everyday! :p