11/01/06 MISERABLE

Was coughing like mad last night. I couldn't sleep, feel like puking. Lower abdomen was so painful and finally ls till I felt so weak. Woke up this morning weak too, ate a bit of noodles. Was lying in bed when a tpo called me. Shit, hauntings from the past. I don't want to start being worried about it then dragging my condition down.
What a coincidence, papa went to sch to give my mc and then the tpo called me. Mum tells me not to be worried. How can I not be.

Honestly I cannot stand my last blog entry now. Everytime I scroll down and see my own hand with the tubes, I feel like vomitting. Can feel the chemicals flowing right into my body and my gastric over-turns itself involuntarily.

I'm really in one of my dark negative not-feeling-well moods today. Hate it. What if I don't get well by 4b? What if I get well and the cancer comes back real fast? Then how fast? Few months? Few years?

In one of my better moods, I mentioned to Feng that if a person is bounded to a sickness for a lifetime, maybe its just the same as not being sick. Since one can't be cured, one can't be sick as its part of the person anyway.

Now, with every single cell in my body fighting for survival against the chemicals, my gastric and intestines going haywire and full of worries from the past, I'm not so positive. I don't know what to do, can't even lie in bed for a minute without feeling miserable, this is not life.