20/01/06 PLS LET ME CONTINUE

Only 2 more treatments to go before this cycle ends, please please give me a chance to complete it first. Please make it work.

If my blood test CA125 increases to more than the 58.9 recorded the last time, I don't know what Dr See will decide. If the CT scan done yesterday shows that the two growths inside my abdomen has not shrunk, I don't know what to expect next.

All these unknowns scare me. Everyone is working, carrying on with their normal mundane but assuring lives while I struggle with the thought of life, more pain, or even death every week. Honestly, I'm a bit tired. I would think I will get used to it in time to come, but now everytime I see a needle and syringe, I feel punched at the nose, tears roll down involuntarily.

Fear grips me whenever I picture Dr See telling me the cancer is out of control, don't say that I'm brave to go through all these, because I have no choice in this matter.