21/11 Contentment is Bliss

Couldn't sleep the whole of last night, gosh! Wide awake all through till 6 plus in the morning...woke up at 10 plus after that. Thought about so many things when I couldn't sleep, or was it because I thought about so many things, that's why didn't sleep. Cried a little bit, just a lil, most of my time awake was pretty positive.

Why did I cry? Cos I suddenly wondered if it's better to pass away in the hospital or in the comfort of my room, on my own bed. It will definitely be less of a hassle for my family if it happens in the hospital I suppose. But then how cold and uncomforting it is to die on a hospital bed! Yet if I die at home, aren't my parents and sister going to break down everytime they come into my room, having the mental image of me taking my last breath on my own bed. How are they going to cope emotionally and it will be much harder for them to forget the pain. It's my dying comfort vs their living pain. Better try to find a chance to ask them casually which location they prefer.

I would like to focus on the good things I thought of! Opening a shop to sell desserts, learning dressmaking, do teaching part-time, wearing my own designs to school...cool! I'm ELATED. On the cab ride home last night, I feel so 幸福. 我应该是世界上最幸福，最满足的癌症病人了。圣诞节要到了，一种宁静却带有喜庆的气氛萦绕在空气中。呼吸着这样的空气，我的心里有种感动的喜悦。家人和伴侣的关怀、圣诞节、物质生活的满足、又有Harry Potter梦幻故事为我解闷，我真的很开心，原来人生可以如此美好！


Haha, me and deer again, what's new!?

I can use my spare time to brush up on my singing too! I miss ktv actually, think I'll try to hit the high notes at home first, since I've not ran through some new vcds my parents bought for me yet.
Gosh! Now then I realise how bony my face looked then in this picture , yikes...abit too skinny, luckily now my face is more plumped up. This was I think the last time I was at ktv with swap, nad and deer.

Hee I love the flat screen huge TV in da dian shi!!! Singing there so much better than singing in other miserable ktv lounges. That's Faye in mtv acting nuts again by the way.