27/03/06 A NEW DOCTOR?

Mummy received this phonecall from Ida auntie, who told her of this friend that invited a 'doctor' (whom I suspect is probably a Tibetan monk?) to Singapore for a short stay and to help the sick. They decided I am to go visit this person today.

I've got changed and is all ready to oblige. "We cannot just rely on western medi n chinese medi right? Must try all ways right? One might just work! :)" Mummy seems to be the emblem of both positivity and negativity in one body. She's not exactly confident the usual stuff will cure me, yet she is always so full of hope.

I'm starting to feel the dread I usually feel on Chemo days. Perhaps it's because Thursday is approaching and I don't feel any better physically? Once upon a time, there was this DAY when my tummy just felt so good. It almost wasn't bloated at all that day, the fluid went down a lot and my waist felt significantly trimmer. Best of all, that meant my CA125 (a tumour marker in the blood) is low, maybe not within the normal <35 range but should be below 70 then.

I should be required to do a CT scan soon again judging from the size of my tummy. I feel pure disgust from the infinite number of giant glasses of pink liquid I've got to drink, the hot medi pumped into the veins of my arms, the most sickening is of course worrying about what the scan will show and how helpless I will be. Will there be more tumour? Fluid? Or will there be less? I'm also worried about the blood test this coming Wednesday, or rather, the results available on Thursday. Will my CA125 rise above 100? Will it be around the same? Or will it be miraculously low?

27/03/06 FAT FAT FAT

I'm officially fat now. Meimei just came back from Bangkok, she bought me so much stuff! I need to lose some weight in order to start looking good manz.

Met Fort, Chris and Evilyn at boat quay on Friday, then Fort gave us a treat at Royal Scotts Hotel for dinner. He's really sweet and caring still, hyperactive as usual though. Hahaha! Chilled out at Backstage for a short while before heading home.

Me and dear went around snacking on fattening stuff in Orchard yesterday before returning home for a healthy dinner. But it was too late, I've already had chendol, cheese/egg prata, dimsum, otah and fried tofu in the afternoon.....

Ktv with Swap and Eloise today then Swap treated us to ChongQing Hotpot! I'm a bit tired to post pictures now. My stomach feels so big and the rest of my body feels just plain fat. I think I'm going vegetarian for the next 3 days before my chemo on Thursday. I NEED to fit into all the gorgeous stuff Meimei bought back from Bangkok! I miss my skinny arms and face :P

Before Ktv today, me and Deer went to The Furniture Mall. This is so exciting! Deardeer bought me a bed and a mattress! We visited so many shops and saw so much furniture these few weeks and we finally decided on this fantastic cream colour bed frame with a soft cushion headboard. The mattress we picked is also so darn comfortable, with this memory foam thingy in it, and is one of the thickest luxury mattresses available right now.

Actually it was Mummy who suggested I get rid of my current single sized bed, so when Deardeer sleeps over, we can both sleep on one bed. (Mummy so sweet!) Then I thought of repainting my room, changing other furniture like the wardrobe and writing desk. Deer volunteer to sponsor my new room~~ *muaks a million!* In the hope that we stay slim, we decided on a super single sized bed, Mummy agrees that it's big enough for 2 san2 bohs3, provided I stop putting on weight.

I'm so happy, today is the start of my room's makeover with the purchase of the new bed! Next will be a brand new HUGE wardrobe for all my clothes, then I wanna paint my room an angelic blue ^_^ Thank you Deardeer! I'm imagining us nuaing on the wonderful mattress, shoulders against the cushioned headboard, reading books together...hee!!!

Nowadays, I keep wondering if the fluid in my tummy increased, cos now my tummy is soooooooooooo big. I'll better chant more tonight and focus on being determined to get well.

24/03/06 STOCK TAKE

Yesterday morning, had an urge to re-shape my nails, change my nail colours and smoothen out my hands. My tools were spread out on the floor and I realise...wah, looks like quite a lot hoh? I'm kind of a self-proclaimed scrooge so I never realised I'm well...a lil over-spending on beauty products. Maybe I should keep a record of all the items that helps me look my age. (Well, I used to look 30 when I was only 18?)

十大酷刑

Crucial items are the nail and skin filers, Sally Hansen's thick Callus remover cleanser which I use on both feet and hands. The exfoliation really makes my hands so smooth and soft and good to hold! Even I love holding my own hands...*clasps both hands in delight*

Right hand: I love you leftie, you look so sexy and fair!
Left Hand: I adore you rightie...you feel absolutely soft and tender.
Both: All Thanks to Sally Hansen! ( Claps against each other)

Over The Rainbow

Among all that a pair of eyes can see. I love colours. More than shapes and textures. That's why I'm very grateful that the physical challenge presented to me is cancer and not something like loss of sight. Whenever I think of my short-sighted, single lid eyes, I'm filled with gratitude and will greedily take in all the delicious colours I can see in this world.
Will that justify my collection of nail polish? I have around 30 I think, same as undergarment collection....and no, I didn't buy them to match each other but they might incidentally just be that way.

粉墨登场

Third came all my cheap foundations, (glad to see I've quited Estee Lauder's powder foundation fter my complexion improved) mascaras, eyebrow pencils, eye-shadows, blushers and lip colours. SPECIAL recommendation is ZA Eyebrow Pencil! Better than any other expensive brands. Dear thinks I have too much of everything as I put on such a negligible amount of stuff on my face.Then how?! Wayang faces are really not right for me mah.
Can see that I have some brand new items that I have not even taken out of their packaging yet? I mean, how to start using that tempting Estee masacara when I have 4 half-used ones? :( I'm so frivolous it's almost maddening.

The real rail guards

These are my collagen dews, serum, moisturizers, masks, hydrating cleansers, toothbrush, floss, perfumed body lotions and sunscreen. they are mostly contributed by Dear, meimei and her friends. I do NOT use ALL of them every single day. Depends on mood. However, the purple Estee Perfectionist serum, hydrating cleanser, Shiseido's moisturizer are MUST-APPLY items everyday. Another baby not in the picture is my Ellgy H2O hand and body lotion which I faithfully lavish on every inch of my body (sans the face) while I have my nightly phone chat with Deardeer.

A pair of exfoliating mittens from Bodyshop is what I wear for shower time when I will scrub and scrub my skin like a mad woman. That gets rid of the dry skin I have and gives a real glow to your body siah. If there's a risk of ruining a manicure when wearing the mittens, I'll switch to using the pink bath lily that Dear got for me. Works too, just not as vigorous scrubbing.

Okie, one might think I'm over zealous about this. I got reasons loh, ever since my hysterectomy last august, my oil glands went on a strike. My skin actually went from oily to flaky dry, think the operation caused it. Now I can't have children, can't have perfect skin also?! No way :p Hard work = Beauty.

The abandoned concubines.

These are the ones residing in 冷宫 most of the time. After I was on chemo, a strange phenomena took place. Suddenly I have the nose of a pedigree breed puppy. The slighest of smells can attract me or put me off. Now, I can only use a teeny weeeny bit of perfume from time to time so it seems I won't be able to finish these collection or it's duplicates in the near future ;/

Sunnies!

Heartbroken since my first pair of Gucci was stolen along with my whole bag when I brought my students out to watch a concert in a neighbourhood secondary school. Bought my second pair after that but it never replaced the emptiness the first one left in me....aaahh what crap. The second one not as nice lah, a sudden stroke of bad taste hit me that afternoon of purchase.

After that, I only bought cheap ones. Okie, the 3 Evita Peronis' were not exactly cheap cheap, but I still do have 3 that are less than 10 dollars cheap cheap cheap! And they are smashing! Why are my glasses mostly big? I have big face ok, big face goes with humongous glasses...satisfied? Gives the illusion I have big eyes too!

23/03/06 HIAO HIAO DAY

I did stock taking today, for all my beauty products etc. Took some pictures for fun, next time then blog about it. After looking at all my stuff, I decided to make use of some and do a manicure for myself. Mum wanted to have her hair done so booked an appointment with her hairstylist at Zoom in Marina square, recommended me to have my pedicure done there too.

So before we set out to the salon at around 4p.m, I started on my own manicure. Hee!
The colours this time is pearl white polish and pink flowers.

My masterpiece!

The 3 dimensional flowers were a bit hard to stick on, because I had to stick two very very delicate layers of petals to create the effect. It was tedious but great fun! I found the results a bit cheesy looking at first, a lil too glam...machiam for wedding like that. However after a while, it sort of grew on me and I'm starting to really like this Jap-Sakura look~

The gal at the salon was really great, did my toenails in a jiffy and gave me the cutest, neatest and cleanest french pedicure ever! Now my toenails are short, squarish, pink with white tips! *PLEASED*

Papa and Dear joined us for dinner, went to this place call 'It's Dim Sum' ‘一点心’. The restaurant works on a dimsum on conveyor belt concept, which I thought was dumb. 90% of the food we tried there sux, only one dish made the mark...

The Ugly Ducklings

Adorable hoh? Yummy too :p That's about the only edible dish there. We moved on to Imperial Treasures nearby. Had our fill with typical shanghai and sichuan cuisine there! But I still think Crystal Jade is better. Anyway, we tried another new dish in Imperial, 拔丝糖香蕉 or something like that.

Fried bananas were coated with honey, dipped into iced water, scooped out and served. The honey hardens and is suppose to form threads all over, very interesting, though I felt the waitress overdid it with the ice part, causing the honey to be too hard.

Looks like glass coated fritters :)

Felt bad about one thing tonight, threw tantrums at Papa and even cried. He talked a lot about all sorts of remedy to relieve a bloated stomach, kept asking me if I feel well, constantly monitored what I ate...I knew he meant well and he is so worried about me. But, I just got so stressed and upset because I do realise that the fluid caused by the cancer in my abdomen has increased significantly these few days.

It's freaking me out and I don't know what kind of decision Dr See will make the next time she sees me. That will be next Thursday, which seems to be so late in terms of consistent treatment but so soon when I think of chemo-free days.

23/03/06 LUCKIEST GIRL

That's me! I feel like the luckiest girl ever. Just watched the korean movie My Girl And I with dear in cineleisure. Another story about girl with cancer and undying love between the couple. It's so typical and common nowadays, this story is super romanticized in films. Anyway, the one with cancer is always some great beauty so I don't mind :p I'm sick too, I must be a 大美女 *dreams on*

I feel so lucky because ever since I was admitted into hospital last year August, Mummy had hardly raised her voice at me. In fact, she's so sweet now it's hard to believe. Papa totally quited gambling, Meimei transformed into a caring, respectful sister. The love within the family is so magnified and perfect now because everyone treasures each other now. We realise every member is so precious and important.

The love me and Deer have was already so magical since last January when we got back together. We achieved mutual understanding, respect and an overdose of passion and sweetness ever since. I knew then what true compatibility ought to feels like finally, but after having all that bliss for around 7 months, I was told that I have cancer.
My world should have crumbled. I wanted to break up with Deer because I thought it's so unfair to her. I felt so sorry towards her.
Anyhow, she held my hand and expressed her determination to go through everything with me. Through this, I felt true love. Our relationship intensifies and now our every minute together burns with passion. Quite shiok. LOL!

Fourth lucky point is, I don't have to work! If that's not lucky, I don't know what is. I can do whatever I want now and not work for a career! It's really good fortune ok. I can learn dressmaking, fashion design, play the piano, culinary skills, baking, floral arrangement, photography, facial and make-up...etc all for the fun of it~

Okiez...countless lucky things but Mummy wants me to go to bed. Tata~

22/03/06 TULIPS AND A & E

Xiaohan gave me a little warrior doll and passed me a set of VCDs to watch. 我叫金三顺 is the show's name and I like the gal in it so much! A little like me, chubby cheeks, greedy and talkative. Xiuwan bought me a bouquet of very unique tulips which I love too~

I love forget-me-nots and tulips. See the way the bouquet is wrapped? With a mini bunch of forget-me-nots tied to the outside, so cute!

Amazingly fresh flowers, with the water droplets on the blooms, I almost wanted to bury my face in the petals. The colours in real life are even more lovely, like sunrise...fading from a light pink to gorgeous gold.

Mummy likes them too!

There are supposed to be 10 tulips but these imported babies are so cute, there were some infant ones hiding among the bouquet! Got 2 smaller blooms in front, can spot? There are some others who are still in the bud stage...see if you can seek them out!

Ok enough of tulips, maybe later :p Had dinner at the crepe place (issit call Out Of The Pan?) beside the basement fountain in Raffles City with these 2 ex-schoolmates from Dunman High. It's funny to think we were once so full of passion for our Erhu, so united in the name of our ECA(now it's CCA), now we're suddenly all grown up. It's surprising how meandering friendships can reach one in times to come. Thanks for the time and effort pals, by the way I am enjoying the VCDs tremendously now.

Had this disgustingly salty Norwegian Salmon crepe and this pretty good chocolate one.

The choco sauce and icing powder display was quite impressive and the crepe was chewy soft as well. One problem though, this crepe was probably the culprit that landed me in hospital the following morning.

I had stomach seizures for the whole night again. The pain was consistently bad and I tried so hard not to wail. It was so bad, I almost couldn't utter a single word for hours and hours. My poor family as usual could not get to sleep as my body was cold and writhing from the pain. Finally after being tormented for the whole night and admitting defeat, I was sent to the hospital again.

The doctor this time was nice though, I was given a shot and x-rays done. After the last hysterical episode on the NO anti-vomit injection, NO drips and NO hospital stays, it was much more peaceful this time round as everyone was clear what I NEED and not what the hospital staff wants. It's simple :) I just need the pain to stop and the people I love.

Mummy made me plain porridge and tender steamed egg when I could finally eat by evening time. Deardeer bought me strawberry shortcake from Bakerzinn. I'm a happy gal ^_^

20/03/06 MITCH ALBOM

Last week, Fort bought me this book by Mitch Albom, "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". It was interesting, talking about coming to terms with one's life after death. My sister mentioned she read another book by Mitch which is "Tuesdays With Morrie", a book which I decided then I should buy on my own.

Yesterday night, the taxi driver who drove me home chatted with me. He talked about missing his wife who passed away 5 years ago due to lymphoma (cancer of the lymphatic system).

He talked about how his wife got a strange disease (declining blood cells n liver malfunctioning) 10 over years ago and was going to die. An old lady with no kins resided in the same ward as his wife, and being in pain herself, she still got up to feed the old lady porridge. The very next day, the lonely old lady passed away and miraculously his wife survived for another 10 over years.

I shared with him my doctor's views on my condition and he took out a book from the side of his driver's seat. "Tuesdays With Morrie". Such is fate, we both agreed. It was an old book, obviously drenched and dried once. Ricky, the driver insisted I take it as he had another copy at home and the one I'm holding was given to him by a Canadian friend. He gave me his handphone number in case I needed to talk or return the book.

The story is beautiful, starting with Morrie dying and sharing, ending with his peaceful death. Learning how to die is learning how to live, like Amy Tan says, "I love this book...a true story that shines and leaves you forever warmed by its afterglow." How very true.

I intend to pass on and circulate this beauty, do ask of it from me if you can spare some time to read. :)

20/03/06 SIMPLE SUNDAY

It was Sunday Suntec day. The food fest was packed full of people. Me and Dear escaped to the prata place on the 1st floor to rest our feet and see what we saw!

The most curly wormy Hairdo

Prata man in shirt and tie

Weird right?

It was a leisurely afternoon, spoilt by loads of people flooding the entire building. So we further escaped to Starbucks and nestled in their sofa! I read books n papers while Dear just slept happily with her head on my shoulder. With the soft sunlight coming through the glass panels, Dear's hair tickling my face, I spent a couple of hours in bliss.

We decided on Ichiban sushi which was a mistake. Seems like the two branches at Great World and Wisma are the good ones only. Then we shopped around Millenia Walk before I start craving for raw food again. Uni! OToro! My Favourite Ikura! Sushi Tei had just imported some Blue Fin Tuna Belly so there I had my Toro. Fattiest piece of fish I've ever eaten...melts in the mouth.

After watching this food show on Sea Urchin (Uni) at Tong's house, and last experience at Nara, I've been wanting to try it. It was soft and sweet, but I think I'm slightly allergic to it :( Skin itched. Yikes.

My raw food and Dear's Donbin Teapot soup

The truly amazing thing happened in the night, on my way home. That's for the next entry, after I finish reading the unexpected gift/loan.

19/03/06 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONG!

Happy bithday to you~~~ Happy birthday to you~~~ Happy birthday to Sotong, Happy birthday to you!!!

Had a really enjoyable time having steamboat at Tong's place and then watching her cut the cake. There were so much food, couldn't possibly finish all. Swap, Eloise, Didar and Faith went for ktv, I was so tempted to follow but cos got curfew...not very practical. In the end, played a bit of mahjong before going home.

Glad to see Joy, Rena and Monica, all three whom I have not met for some time. Thanks for the wonderful night Tong!

17/03/06 REDSTAR, TONGZHI AND TONKICHI

2 days ago on Wednesday, mum planned lunch at Redstar (Hong xing 红星）restaurant because it is near to the Chinese Hospital 同济医院 that she wanna bring me, in fact it was just across the road.

Walk across the traffic light crossing and turn left, will see this :

It is at this HDB office building that looks like a HDB flat, even the lift is very HDB. So like people who have been there says, it will be quite shocking when you step out of the life and see this old huge grand chinese restaurant. Me and meimei were very amused to see the lighted eyes of the dragon and phoenix on their stage. What really tickled was the fake multi-tiered wedding cake wrapped in plastic bag beside the golden dragon.

It's huge, about the size of five 4-room flats? Wonderful suckling pig there...that's about it. The rest of the food were not quite up to standard. The novelty maybe being the pushcarts of dimsum which cute smiley aunties wheel all aound the place.

I was trying to figure out why business is so darn good at an old place like this with less than desirable dimsum. Then I looked up and saw this!

The entire ceiling was tiled with this motif and some other auspicious stuff. This 五福临门 symbolises fortune and prosperity, fengshui! Guess that may work more than just the lure of the rustic charm the place has?

After dimsum, Papa left for work. Me, Mum and meimei went over to the hospital to see the chinese physician and waited till about 4 plus to collect the herbs. It was off to Chinatown to collect air tickets for meimei's bangkok trip and then Orchard for some shopping~

BL and Ros joined us for dinner while mummy decides to go home on her own to probably cook dinner for the old man :p

I recommended Tonkichi and what a sumptous dinner we had!

Cosy little Japanese place

BL had this Udon set with the yummiest clear soup and thinly sliced white pork, a refreshing prawn salad with very delicious dressing. We love the potato croquette he didn't want. Meimei had this 3 huge pieces of fried fish and curry. Super flaky, crispy and light fried fish...best I ever tasted. We were so touched...wahahhaa.

I had Tonkotsu Ramen, the ramen is so bouncy and the milky soup a satisfying drink till the last drop. However, the pork slices I had smelled too much of fat. Deardeer's bento was so huge, I finished all her fried pork which were Tonkichi's signature item. She enjoyed her grilled salmon and ramen drenched in vinegar. Hmm...I forgot to snap a shot of the chawanmushi we ordered along with the set meals, they were really pretty good too. Must compliment the tea we had, Houji Cha they call it. BL had one cup after another! The write-up says it fights cancer so I drank at least 2 cups also :p

I persuaded meimei and BL to join us for the movie "The Constant Gardener" in Lido after the meal. It's such a great show and I managed to find out that Lido is still showing it, probably not for long though. Must catch it! The scenes were awesome, revealing the dark side of the pharmaceutical industry, how Africans are therefore exploited and the love for humankind, the deep feelings a couple can hold in their hearts. So glad I watched the film after I missed "Walk The Line" and "Matchpoint"!

17/03/06 WEAK

Just had chemo yesterday, mummy accompanied me. Deardeer Ros took leave to be with me too. It was the third week in a row and I feel the concentration of these chemicals in my body is a lil high, the nausea is starting to set it and the feeling of weakness doesn't seem to get any better. I constantly pray for the fluid in my abdomen to go away, I hope it does. As much as I feel my body is dying sometimes, I really don't wish for my time to come so soon.

Trina brought her little baby Tricia to visit me last night. Trina is this gorgeous babe that I made a friend when I was studying, and Tricia is a live doll from Precious Moments. Hee. Trina gave me a string of beautiful Soka Bead, all crystal blue and pearly white beads with fluffy white poms poms on the side. I promised her I will pray.

After she left, I continued to vomit whatever gastric juices I had in my stomach, after Ros left later in the night, I puked again. Maybe this is the third dosage, that's why the side effects are acting up again. There's a nagging pain in my left and sometimes right abdomen now, but I won't get to see Dr See until two weeks later. *scared*

Good news is, I get a week's rest after chemo this week. Hopefully I'll be well enough to carry out all the activities I wanna go ahead with. Ikea sale, Filmfest, Singapore Gaga and some 相声 show. Cheers.

15/03/06 NO MORE BUFFETS?

The ambience was refreshingly cosy and chic, with all the stations as open kitchens managed by chefs.


Sashimi was sliced on the spot, Indian nans oven baked within a glass enclosure, a splendid spread of desserts which I couldn't finish sampling. There was Italian, Japanese, Indian, Thai , Salad and cheese stations but yet I still feel something lacking.

Worst thing that happened was...I found a string in the Thai Tung Hoon. I indicated that to the waiter, he apologized, then another waiter came over to collect my plate to show the chef, he apologized as well. Then a female manager came over to check with me and my friends how we are doing, she apologised as well. At the end of the day, no discount...chey.

Okie, Melt The World Cafe has one redeeming point tonight, their waffle rocks, their chocolate made me happy too. Their waffle prepared by the young chef was simply fantastic. Crispy on the outside with a fluffy texture in between. Slap on a huge ball of whipped cream and get sent straight to heaven.

Maybe I should quit buffets, I'm starting to get fleshy :( And buffet food somehow is not satisfying me anymore. Maybe quality is inversely proportional to quantity, food prepared in large amounts just don't taste as good. Thanks for the suggestion Distantstar, I'll go try that restaurant one day! Looks good~

By the way, I watched Nanny Mcphee with Deardeer after Fort left that night, really cute movie...we love it.

14/03/06 I FEEL BEAUTIFUL

Mood: Beautiful
Nails: Pale Milky Pink Fingers Fuschia Candy Pink Toes
Weather: Cloudy with light breeze
Deal: 5p.m Jiahui, 6p.m Dear, 7p.m Dear, Min, Anna
Food: Simple lunch, tea, Buffet dinner.

I'm going to Melt The World Cafe! It's at The oriental and has been awarded to be Singapore's Best Restaurant 2006 by Tatler's Culinary Hall Of Fame. I read that it has two choco fountain fondue, one dark and one could be orange flavoured...cool! I know they use Valrhona Chocolate, Hyatt uses Lindt and Shangrila prefers Mi-amere...I wonder what will be the difference? I'm just so happy it's Valrhona tonight! Yeah!!!!!! *jumps for joy*

Of course I'm also looking forward to their multi-cultural cooking theatre kinda style. Hmm...better charge my casio baby's battery.

Met Fort at Hyatt Mezza9 yesterday for a quick drink and snacks. Very comfy couch in the bar and excellent fruit punch with fresh passion fruit in it! Their freshly made fruit tarts were super cute and delectable~ I was paiseh to take picture though...he didn't know about my blogging. It was nice to catch up with him, nice to know he's still as interesting and caring. ^_^

I was a bit hesitant to tell him about my condition, mainly because I'm afraid more people might know from him. I'm afraid of people who will look at me differently because I am sick. I hope I don't get weird looks or sympathetic approaches from anyone whom I'm not particularly close to. Eeks :p

We also talked about how people around me are so nice and sweet. Friends who are genuinely concern and sms me every other day or week to check on me. Meet me up whenever I am free to hang out. Always put my moods and feelings in the priority. I'm truly lucky and blessed!

13/03/06 MOSAIC FESTIVAL

We met up at the Esplanade last night, supposedly to have a quick dinner then get to Nokia Music Station and watch the Blues Men Guitar performance. Haha, ended up having a long dinner with drinks and supper. I mean, we went to the Music Station after dinner but the performance were honestly not what quite what I expected. So it was off to Aria Bistro for 1-for-1 all night cocktails and a super comfy set of sofa seats.

Here's what we had for dinner at Via Mar, a spanish restaurant.

Thanks for the meal Eloise!

The food we had were so so, though the spaghetti were rather bouncy...I like. We had potato skins, baked codfish with fries, pasta with yummy chorizos, fried pork knuckle and fried milkcake for dessert. I didn't post he picture of the pork knuckle because it's really ugly :p

The texture of the milk cake was so-so also, Dear says she had better ones at Tung Lok...I wanna try!

It was a fun dinner, joking about me wearing an Afro wig and going for the movies blah blah ;P Laughed like mad and echoed the whole place. We saw some other diners having the super fragrant $30 Saffron rice thingy and we were so jealous! Hmmpf.

There was this romantic screen with tealight candles on it arranged to be a heart shape, it was suggested that me and Dear go stand behind the heart and strike a really retro and cheesy pose. Nope, we didn't.

Anyway we got some super strong cocktails from Aria Bistro, they had interesting stuff like Choco Elvis, Gummibear, Lychee and Peach magaritas...but all not nice as everyone complaint that he proportions were wrong...too bitter.

Oh yah! Stefanie Sun was at the table in front of us! I wasn't particularly excited but Swap and Eloise tried to approach her for a picture, the keyword is 'tried'...kekeke.

Innocent looking concoctions

I'm going to quit oily fried stuff from hawker centres by the way. Try to remind me on that.

For the record, I want to say I love my friends, family and deardeer.

11/03/06 NUMB THE SIDE EFFECTS

I don't care, I want to be a normal girl who can go out, walk around etc It's horrible when all I do is simply sit on the sofa or walk from my room to the toilet and I feel like my tummy is going explode or my bones are cracking up. Dump all these side effects and the bloated tummy, I choose to be NUMB.

That's simply means ignoring the awful nerve twisting pain in my hipbone and pushing on, doing what I want to do in the most normal way. Eg. walking without a hunch that's worsening because my tummy is heavy from the fluid.

Feel like going to Simpang/sembang? Bedok tonight. Got a lot of prata stalls there! Can have my favourite tissue prata...yeah. Dear is still snoozing away on my bed though, hope she wakes up soon!

Tomorrow will be hanging out with Dear, Swap and Eloise for dinner and music at the Esplanade~ Love jazz...mosaic fest is cool! Might meet Fort if he makes his way down after 8p.m?

Monday will be either Indian food or French Crepe day, depending on our dating mood.

Tuesday is reserved for a luxurious buffet with Minling and Anna~~ yum!

Haven't planned for Wednesday yet, but I should expect a romantic date or warm family outing bah.

Thursday chemo again :/ Ya, Dr See decided to try giving me consecutive chemo for 3 weeks in a row. Is my condition worsening? I don't know.

10/03/06 MY FIRST MEME~

I've been tagged by The Baker for a meme! Never done one before so hmm...let's see.

4 jobs I've had in my life:

1. Helper at SATS (The place where food is done for SIA)
2. Private Tutor
3. Direct Sales for Appco
4. Tibetan Antique sales at Village Antique

4 movies I could watch over and over again:

1. The Little Mermaid (Disney)
2. Amelie (French)
3. Moulin Rouge
4. Il Mare (Korean)

4 places I've lived:

1. Muar Malaysia
2. Balestier Singapore
3. Redhill Singapore
4. Bedok Singapore

4 TV Shows I watch:

1. The Apprentice
2. FaceLift by Debbie Travis
3. Project Runway
4. Any TV show about Food!

4 Places I've been on vacation:

1. Bangkok
2. Malaysia ( Johor, KL, Penang, Sarawak)
3. China (Beijing, Tianjing, Chengde, Shanghai, Zhejiang, Suzhou and Fave Hangzhou!)
4. Indonesia Batam

4 Websites I visit regularly:

1. www.piyostic.blogspot.com
2. http://iamagreedygirl.blogspot.com
3. http://mail.yahoo.com/?.intl=us
4. www.rottentomatoes.com/movies/

4 of my favourite foods:

1. All of Mummy's great dishes
2. Breakfast eggs
3. Cream Pasta
4. Salads

4 Places I would rather be right now:

1. In my Deardeer's arms
2. Travelling in Japan
3. On Hangzhou's west lake
4. In Doctor's office receiving news that I'm cured forever

4 People I'm tagging for this meme:

1. Piyo of www.piyostic.blogspot.com
2. Swap of www.fuguixianren.blogspot.com
3. Faith of http://cheaptransit.blogspot.com
4. Jiemei of www.doubleshotlatte.blogspot.com

10/03/06 THE LATEST SURPRISE!!!

This post might really be an over the top narcissistic self-love entry. I cannot help it. It's actually a sad thing when people have to buy what I bought, but I'm actually estactic and happy over it...madness!

I mentioned that mum bought me something that I kept a secret from Dear, this is it!

Can you tell the difference in me?!

I've got a new wig! It's really a wonderful gift from mummy to cheer me up after all the depressing news from the doctor. The new hairstyle looks like my old style before I knew of the cancer. How I miss having long hair...or rather, looking like I've long hair.

Took this pic myself!

I think long hair suits me so much more. The short wig I had makes me look like a mannequin doll sometimes, too attention catching. However there's one problem with this long style, it tangles up very easily so I have to be super careful wearing it. The amount of hair is of course much lesser than the real hair people have on their heads so any unnecessary gentle tugging will make it a real mess :(

I'm a happy girl

I think it really looks like my old style, sans the fringe cos I used to have long fringe that's tuggable behind the ears. Anyway, I like this hair lah! I love it! 谢谢妈咪！

08/03/06 FAMILY DINNER

Ros has family dinner tonight, so did I. Meimei gonna start working in the coming IT show and I'll be having chemo tomorrow so we probably won't have a chance to eat a great dinner together for the next four days or so.

Anyway, our dinner tonight was at this northern restaurant in Smith Street. This 大吃王 on TV did an introduction on their 松鼠鱼 （boneless deep fried fish) before and we were guilible enough to trust that show! Not nice one! All the food were salty and oily and filling. Okie, I still ate alot as usual but the food wasn't exactly satisfying at all although I consider myself someone of super low expectations already.

Luckily my whole family was there, the feeling of them around me just offset whatever bad vibes the restaurant gave me.

Earlier in the day, mummy cooked lunch and I quickly packed it for me and dear. Met Tong and Xin at Bugis, Xin went for eyebrow trimming while I poured out my past few days' encounters to Tong. Tong blah blah blah and I blah blah blah and we blah blah blah so loudly, Xin said she could hear us throughout her eyebrow trimming session.

They long bung me to United Square to meet Dear, Eloise and Faith for lunch while Xin was going to accompany Tong at TTSH for check-up. I had to meet mummy to accompany her for a day, or I could have blah blah blah more with Tong at TTSH as Xin decided to go home and orh orh in the end~

Ros was a very good girl as usual, finished all the pumpkin and brown rice that I packed. After they went back to work, I met mummy at Tangs in Orchard road. I tried some FCUK Jeans but still decided jeans are a bit tight for my tummy right now, plus low cut ones reveal my ugly scar from the operation :( But mummy bought me this really sexy black tube dress to cheer me up! Yeah!

Finally visited the Island Cafe in Tangs. Knew it was there but never really explored Tangs to locate it. Quite a unique place but the food did not really interest me, though I think it will be a good spot for dating :p

Cool place

We were extremely lucky to get a cab quickly and got ourselves to this building. (issit Pearl Centre? People's Park? Not sure) I bought a secret item there which I absolutely cannot wait to show Deardeer. I like it so much although it's so troublesome and in potential danger of looking like shit if I don't take good care. I'm so excited now...Dear has reached home but is showering, she tried to force me to tell her the secret but I insisted she has to shower first then I'll send her a picture over msn later. Hee!

So strange...something that is usually not worth being happy about, but I am so excited and delighted over it. Is the quality of life really relative for everyone? Or has mine really just plunged? Okiez, I have to tell myself...my world is unique, special or extraordinary and I'm being a princess in it. Deep inside, I JUST WANT TO POST THAT SECRET PICTURE HERE AS SOON AS I'M READY! *hush*

08/03/06 HANGING OUT AGAIN!

Yeah...I'm starting to hang out again. *checks my mental and emotional health* above average!

Had YaKun with Ros and Eloise before we head to Nara. I like Nara's dark dark ambience with cheesy pop music and lots of mirrors for me to admire myself in *wahahha*

Ros ordered a sashimi, vege set, I asked for tuna sushi, gyoza, grilled sticks of aspagagus pork roll and foie gras, Eloise ordered Yasai Tempura, fish Porridge and a grilled salmon. Plus two bottles Asahi dry, ice-cream and fruits, there was a lot a lot ALOT of food on the table. I've put together a rather ugly composite picture of what we ate actually.

Luckily Swap's taiji class was cancelled last minute and she joined us, or else we couldn't have possibly finished everything! Saw 李铭顺 walk in to speak to the chef and da bao some food, pity Fann Wong wasn't there :( I would like to see her in person!

Laughed so much over crapping non-stop~ Nara uses a pretty looking small glass for holding beer which Eloise actually broke just by gently knocking it against the beer bottle!

The cute glass we like

They long bung me and Ros to Cineleisure after dinner, many thanks! I wanted to take pictures with both Swap jiefu and Eloise jiemei but some say 3 in a picture is no good, keke. Gotta put in double effort then! I was very happy with my dressing~~ beige top with brown bag and sandals, even my eye make-up were in neutral shades!

The movie date started out so romantic alright, we couldn't stop looking at each other and smiling. I was so happy to walk out of my depressing thoughts. However halfway through the show, looking at Dear's face in the dim light, I started thinking how many more beautiful opportunities like this I can have. Started to tear up abit but quickly stopped my brain from wandering into dark territories. Thoroughly enjoyed the whole movie with our arms locked and me leaning on Dear's shoulder *Bliss*

On the way home, I was still thinking about mochi ice-cream and chocolate so stopped by 7 eleven to get both. Pink/red thin mochi skin with white lychee ice-cream, dark bitter meiji chocolate...mmm~~~

07/03/06 SAVE MY BLOG!

Is there any way to save this whole blog so I can access it totally offline too?

Finally feeling good this morning. Seems odd that in my situation, I can feel good too! Me and Deardeer's theory is...when some people already owns a lot, has nothing much to be truly unhappy about, probably a few tiny obstacles that can be eventually overcomed, they try to find stuff to be fustrated or upset with.

Now me and Dear got ourselves a HUGE issue to be upset about, we can concentrate on looking for stuff to be happy for! Yeah! So nothing much can upset us further. Today, I crave for some handmade sushi. I don't want sakae or ichiban machine rolled ones...I want some chef-made Jap food! So it's off to Nara at Goldhill tonight then a movie date to follow. *ANTICIPATING*

Time for more pictures galore! I miss taking photographs, anyone wants more pictures?! This blog is getting a bit dull and wordy, I'm determined to add some colour to it after tonight.

06/03/06 FACING IT

Did so much thinking...or rather having so much depressed thoughts these few days, it's taking a toll on everyone. My friends are right, my family is right, dear is right, I gotta get out of this horrible cycle of negativity. I still cannot accept the prognosis that my condition is that bad, but seems like everyone's got a fate, I have to start learning how to deal with mine.

Mummy brought me to Tong Zhi Hospital today to seek help with TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). The physician prescribed some 16 different kinds of herbs to be boiled by mummy and for me to take a huge bowl day and night. Bitter beyond words for sure.

There were numerous aunties and uncles there with cancer there. In NCC(National Cancer Centre) SGH last Thursday, I overheard nurses saying every single day, they have more than 10 new cases of cancer patients. Is cancer really going to become a more common sight than flu? I don't know, I just symphatise with all those who have to go through chemo like myself. Everyone out there, do get health checks regularly to ensure you keep your body in good condition k.

Called Minling to talk about what my doctor said. We were on the verge of silence/tears/dunnoe what when I tried to sound more positive and start complaining about what the Chinese Physician said I couldn't eat.

Me: She say I must avoid chicken (mummy says duck also), beef and lamb eh, that means I can only eat pork?

Minling: HUH?! Like that malay cancer patients how?!

Me: (questions mummy who walked past) mummy ...malay cancer patients how huh? They cannot eat pork leh.

Mummy: They never see 中医 how they know all these!

Minling and me were extremely satisfied with this hilarious but totally logical answer.

By the way, mummy also added that we could all eat fish though the physician mentioned that fish originally without scales are not as desirable.

I have stopped taking pictures for quite a few days, miss my white casio baby...

05/03/06 PEACEFUL SUNDAY

There was all day breakfast at Scruffy's something Irish pub next to Coffee Bean in ECP (East Coast Park), we ordered a set of american breakfast and dear had a shiraz red. The ham and sausages were a wee bit oily so we didn't finish the food.

Then we had a little stroll, ended up in the Japanese restaurant Waraku. Had hotate nabe and a huge plate of yasai tempura. Yum...but super filling. Felt so serene in the jap place, jap food always got this calming effect. Just holding dear's hands there and lying in her arms, on her shoulders...very blissful.

The sun was too hot for sitting by the beach after that, so we just looked at some teens trying very hard to surf for a while, then took a cab back to Bedok to see if I can have a pair of specs made.

No mood for specs, weather too hot :(

Came home to have chilled barley water and watch the silly Chilli Gong Town show which is still so cute. As usual, we'll nap but my gastric is acting crazy again. Even the slightest turn to the side sets the pain in and I just give up...might as well get up to blog.

Since I have the wonderful wonderful new LCD, can swivel monitor from Philips! Thanks to meimei and BL, I don't have to suffer from looking at a blue screen anymore. Wee!

05/03/06 BEING APPRECIATIVE

First of all, I thank all who had encouraged me. I hope any influence that I have created on anyone has been positive.

As much as I am still trying to accept whatever is going on, I'm deeply grateful for whatever I have now also. I realized and found some friends who always bothered to check if I'm ok, my family who gives me all their love and deardeer who always calls me her princess.

Felt the pain in my nerves yesterday afternoon when I was taking a nap with dear, and this morning the pain in the whole of my pelvis/hip bone woke me up. I'm a bit afraid because everytime I eat something or drink something, my gastric hurts. I'm quite afraid that the cancer will spread to the gastric :( The nausea is not so bad with this drug but the sickening thing is that I need to continue treatment this coming Thursday so there's no rest week for me so soon.

Good thing is, I can still hang out a bit during chemo week :) Yesterday, mummy, papa and dear accompanied me to Parkway Parade for a bit of shopping and snacks. We saw something funny.

I wonder how HOT is their air-cons?

Dear bringing me for a date at the beach today, while my parents go to the temple to pray. The weather seems good...I'm happy ^_^

03/03/06 HOPE?

This is a very mentally painful period for me, I just seen Dr See yesterday and my chemo drug is changed again. Now I have chemo almost every week, only resting one week after every two weeks of chemo. The side effects this time is pain, similar to the first type of drug I used.

The pain has not come yet, is said to set in after the 3rd day of chemo. I remembered how it was like, all over my body...feels like someone's pulled out the raw nerves and rubbed them with both fingers to and fro. I don't know how to face it besides waiting for it to come and go, then again next week then again the following.

When I was sitting down on the chair with the tube in my arm yesterday, looking helplessly at the clock. Knowing that I will be connected to the bags of medicine through the tube for 1 and a half hours, drove me mad. I wanted to scream and jump out of the chair but I couldn't. It was extremely fustrating, so much so I contemplated death.

After the chemo, I went to see Dr See again. I needed to know where all these treatments are leading me to.

Me: What are the chances of my recovery?

Dr: Out of a hundred, about fifty will get to go into remission.

Me: Then how long does these fifty get to survive?

Dr: The cancer comes back after a few months after they go into remission, the survival span is around 1-2 years.

Me: That means I only have 1-2 years? I will not get to live past 30 years old? I'm only 25.

Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)

Me: Then how will I die?

Dr: Most will eventually suffer from kidney failure from the fluid build-up then go into a coma and die.

Me: Even dialysis will not help?

Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)

There was nothing I could ask anymore. All I could do was cry and that's what I do on and off since last night till now. My family is 100% supportive and Dear came over to lie beside me and watch me fall asleep before she went home.

I am thankful for everything I have. However, the thought of having such a short time to live and probably having to tolerate chemo during long periods of whatever life I have just scares me so much.

I thought the most beautiful part of my life just started, me and Dear finally managed to get together again. We have the financial ability to get a flat, live together and build a wonderful future, go travelling and see the world in each other's eyes. I wanted to take good care of my parents and give my mummy the best years an old lady can ever get. Now all these crumbles and seem so impossible.

01/03/06 MY 100th ENTRY

This is the 100th entry of this blog.

Decided to wear my tri-diamond ring out today, first stone stands for my past, middle one is my present and the last diamond, hopefully it stands for a bright future. Waited for Deardeer at Great World City while she finishes lunch with family. Bought two pairs of white sandals at one go, I simply adore white footwear~

We looked at some furniture for my room, though deer is going sponsor my room's makeover, I still couldn't really decide what to do with it yet. Anyway, main purpose of going to Great World is for POSB to open deer's first fixed deposit account. Really proud of you darling, so li hai to manage to save so much within a year! *pat pat on the head*

Me and dear went to CK Tangs to do somemore shopping while waiting for Minling and Anna. I saw this really cute jacket! It's a bright shocking pink and all stiff...darn retro piece of work, but I wouldn't wear it anywhere...so warm. Sneakily took a snapshot of me wearing it.

Wannabe tai-tai

Went for marche dinner (at 4 plus in the afternoon?!) with Minling, Anna and Deardeer *full* Marche is not particularly yummy except for their 2004 Shiraz and beer, both which I can't have much. Shopped around a bit at Takashimaya before heading to PartyWorld Ktv to sing our hearts out.

TiongBahru Idol and her fan

Minling and Anna are really treasures from the school and the only real friends I got from there, super fun to hang out with! I couldn't bear to go home after listening to Min 'shout' out her crazy "Jive Talking" by Beegees.

Side-track abit, snacking on this really kawaii strawberry chocolate cone snack. There's a Cream Baby drinking milk and a Pink Baby eating strawberry! They both have choco ears!! So adorable!

Bursts of strawberry n choco flavour

They are sleeping inside the flap! *LOL*